


cry for me

by astagfirullah_brother



Category: K-pop, TREASURE (Korea Band), YG Entertainment | YG Family, YG Treasure Box (TV)
Genre: Adorable, Angst, Cute, Fanfiction, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Gay, M/M, Realistic, Romance, YG, YG Family - Freeform, YG entertainment, kinda slowburn, kpop, mashikyu, soft gayness, teume, the stakes are high, treasure, worth it i swear
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:49:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 63
Words: 67,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26562412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astagfirullah_brother/pseuds/astagfirullah_brother
Summary: mashiho gets caught up in a lazy dancing scandal, like any idol, he was devastated. junkyu offered to help him with that choreo. he never realised how attractive and caring junkyu could be. they started growing closer, mashiho couldn't believe that he was feeling this way towards a person he's known for so long. it makes seeing him everyday more difficult,he's torn between staying as friends and keeping his career safe and loving one of his best friends and being happier.*i will be updating every other day or  sometimes everyday
Relationships: Kim Junkyu/Takata Mashiho, Mashikyu - Relationship
Comments: 28
Kudos: 200





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> don't @ me, Mashiho's an amazing dancer, yall will know the reason later on, i update real quick.
> 
> song recommendation- reflections by the neighbourhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you can read it on wattpad too, my username there is @walmart-gang

Jumping, sliding, footwork, what is this?

"From the top now." The choreographer said. Mashiho huffed out a heavy breath and tried to follow with the group.

"One, two, three, and fo- no no no no, stop." Everyone came to a halt once the choreographer spoke. She eyed Mashiho down as she called "come here." Mashiho knew the drill and stepped forward to the choreographer

"why do you keep messing up?" She asked. He glanced back at his waiting members, to find them looking at him with curiosity. She was still waiting for an answer from him .

"my knee isn't feeling too good" he said. She let out a long breath and Pinched her nose bridge  clearly starting to lose her patience.

"I can't do anything about that sweetheart, get back with the members" She told him.

"Okay from the beginning now!" She announced as everyone prepared themselves.

Mashiho took a long breath in and tried to endure it for the rest of the practise. Pain was throbbing harder and harder through his leg with every move and step he took. When it came to a certain move, he was unable to tolerate it anymore and collapsed. Everyone  abruptly turned their heads to him, with some members crouching down to try and help him.

The choreographer made her way through the crowd and said,

"Mashiho go sit on that chair for the rest of the practice for me. Junkyu help him up please."

Junkyu held onto Mashiho's shoulder as Mashiho held onto his. He sat in The chair and Junkyu left after giving him a sympathetic smile telling him to "hang in there". when Mashiho returned the gesture, Junkyu left.  All he  was left to do was watch his members practice and try to get rid of that dumbbell weighting down the pit of his stomach .  He doesn't want to feel like a burden, no matter how much people can care for each other, at least one of them will get sick of it  eventually .

when the practise  was finished , Mashiho tried to carry himself with his Sloppy and limped footsteps back to his closet of a dorm room .

"hey do you need help?" Yoshi offered. "no thanks."he said turning down the offer. He actually didn't Understand why he turned down the offer, he did need help. Yoshi seemed perplexed and  just continued whatever he was up to. No one was in the dorm rooms except for him, everyone else had plans they needed to tend to. Mashiho entered his dorm room that he shared with Yoshi. He  was met with the bright colours of Yoshi's paintings hung on the wall and dropped himself on the lower bunk. 

"At least one good thing is coming out of this" he muttered to himself and drifted to sleep.

"hey" a faint voice called out to him.

"hey" it became louder.

"hey!" And louder.

Mashiho sat right up when someone jerked his shoulder, he let his eyes roam around the room. The windows that once showcased a blue sky, now showed a dark starry night sky. He rubbed his temples and let out a deep breath "if only i'd woken up earlier" he thought to himself.

"we went to a restaurant, we thought you'd already be awake" Yoshi said.

"what time is it?" He asked hoping for Yoshi to enlighten him and tell him it was only 7 o clock.

"it's 10:00" Yoshi said to Mashiho's dismay. His eyes widened and he Grunted, hoping what Yoshi said was only a joke.

"please tell me you're joking." Mashiho said. Yoshi pursed his lips together Not knowing what Mashiho wanted to hear.

"we left some food for you in the kitchen, hope you're feeling better." Yoshi Replied.

"where are the others?" Mashiho tried his last bit of hope.

"they're all asleep." Yoshi muttered.

Mashiho buried his face in his hands. "So he wasn't joking" he thought to himself.  Yoshi went to the the top bunk to try and catch some sleep like everyone else, while Mashiho tried to gather himself and go to the kitchen .  He sat under that annoying, dangling white light hovering over the kitchen counter, which was the only light open .

The food didn't look interesting to him, so he  just started to pick at it with his fork and instead wallow in self pity.

"hey" Mashiho whipped his head back to see Junkyu out of his dorm and in the kitchen. He was wearing a plain t-shirt with pyjama bottoms unlike Mashiho's navy silk pyjamas. He took a seat beside him and Mashiho looked back at his food. 

"hey" he responded back to him not as  enthusiastically as Junkyu hoped.

"what's wrong?" Junkyu asked, he caught on his sulking expression.

"how was the restaurant?" Mashiho asked, still picking at his food.

"is that what you're mad about, the food was actually shi-" junkyu said, trying to cheer him up.

"no, that's not what I'm mad about, I'm not mad." Mashiho interrupted, trying to sound happier this time.

"how's your leg doing?" Junkyu asked trying to change the topic, His hand on Mashiho's shoulder. He faced Junkyu, flashing a synthetic smile.

"it's getting better." He said, Junkyu didn't seem to buy it, but went with it anyways.

"did you like the food?" Junkyu asked.

"no, not  really " Mashiho responded.

"do you wanna make some ramyeon with me?" Junkyu said with that Infamous meerkat smile of his.

"no, I'm tired." He said.

"come on, please." Junkyu begged and shook Mashiho. That Made him finally break into a chuckle.

"is that a yes?" Junkyu asked with the most hopeful look on his his face clamping his hands together.

"no." Mashiho responded, annoyed. Junkyu jumps over the counter for No  apparent or convenient reason.

"Why is he being so extra" he thought, raising a brow.

"you know you could've  just walked around" Mashiho said  as-a-matter-of-factly .

he  just ignored him and started rummaging through the pantry, Mashiho tilted his head to the side to get a better view of what he was doing . He then turned around to Mashiho, holding two packets with his elbows resting on the counter.

**

"choose." Junkyu said still smiling, which was very unsettling.

"you're insufferable. You know that right?" Mashiho chuckled.

"this one." Mashiho said, pointing at the packet on junkyu's left hand. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me yall thoughts on this, and as always, put yall seatbelts on :)


	2. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aight i made a new chapter :)
> 
> song recommendation- after dark by mr. kitty
> 
> it's on wattpad too, my username there is @walmart-gang

"Got any reds?" Jihoon asked holding a deck of uno cards between his hands. Hyunsuk decided spend time on playing uno on their day off.

"uno!" Jaehyuk shouted holding up his one card in the air on display. "I literally just saw him shove four cards up his ass." yedam muttered still Looking down and observing his cards. Everyone turned to jaehyuk looking at him questioningly. Jaehyuk still held that innocent I-dont-know-what-youre-talking-about look on his face. Jihoon raised a brow at him still waiting for him to answer.

"is that true?" He asked him  interogatingly .

"say something goddammit!" Jihoon said, looking back down at his cards, Jaehyuk was starting to get On his last nerve now. Jihoon looked up at him glaring and pissed.

"he's lying, I swear!" He finally said, denying Yedam's claim. Then everyone's gaze shifted to Yedam. He looked up from his cards and said,

"what? I'm not lying. you don't have to believe me anyways, you can  just let him win." "look, it's either someone comes clean or we're restarting the game." Hyunsuk stood up and announced to everyone.

"I didn't cheat!" Jaehyuk yelled. "let's  just restart the game and keep a closer eye on Jaehyuk this time." Junghwan said, counting his cards.

"hey!" Jaehyuk yelled with the clearest expression of offence on His face.

"come on guys, where's the sportsmanship?" Jeongwoo said to everyone.

"uno isn't a sport" Yoshi said back to him in a monotone voice.

"okay, how about we  just be quiet until I grab some food from the kitchen, then we can continue fighting, I don't care, this is pretty entertaining." Junkyu said  sarcastically and left to the kitchen.

"don't listen to him, we'll  just start the game over that's it" Mashiho Said trying to lighten the mood.

"I'm gonna go to the kitchen, I'll be back" Mashiho said then left. He left the room and found Junkyu over the stove cooking another packet of ramyeon. He sat himself on the counter and kept on trailing the steam until Junkyu turned around.

"hey" Junkyu said.

"hey" Mashiho responded.

"how's your leg." He chimed while fixing up a meal for himself.

"shut up about my leg." Mashiho said.

"ouch." Junkyu said in that same monotone voice. Junkyu turned around to him from the stove and put his plate on the counter. Mashiho looked back up from his plate to him and said "how much ramyeon do you eat?" Junkyu smiled at him and said,

"to my heart's content."

"smooth" Mashiho had to say.

"do you want some?" Junkyu offered.

"no." 

"so why are you here." Junkyu asked.

"needed a break from that. How about you." he said. Junkyu looked up at him, smiling, and said "isn't it obvious?" They both fell into a blank silence, the tension in the air was so dense it can  be cut with a knife.

"oh." Mashiho said breaking the silence, Junkyu giggled and tended back to the stove.

" I think I'll get going." Mashiho said. "alright, see ya." Junkyu muttered. Mashiho looked back at him one more time and entered the room.

"look, if you guys don't come to a decision, I'm gonna go back to my room." Asahi said. Haruto rolled his eyes at him and shook his head.

"what?" Asahi said to him. "Why're you guys still fighting, if you get this stressed over uno then  just don't play." Mashiho said to them.

"and do what, huh?" Doyoung mocked.

Mashiho rolled his eyes and sat back down on the floor next to Jeongwoo.

"I'm outta here." Asahi muttered before making his way out of the room.

"wait!" Yoshi said and followed Asahi out.

"fuck this shit." And now Doyoung left.

"yah!" Hyunsuk called after him. Hyunsuk was desperately trying to keep this game of uno intact. The look on his face was priceless whenever another person would ditch and go to their room. He probably really wanted to make the most out of this day. Junkyu entered the room holding his ramyeon with a dazed look, he noticed that there were a lot of people missing.

"what happened to everyone?" He asked. Hyunsuk stepped up to him and put a hand on his shoulder pursing his lips together in a thin line and said,

" just go back to your room." Then left out the door. Junkyu looked back at him leaving and looked at the room in a grimace.  He gave Mashiho a questioning look and he  just shrugged not  really understanding much about the situation himself . Junkyu turned towards the door to call after Hyunsuk and said,

"wait, is it because of me?" and left after him. Now it was  just Mashiho on his own in that room. He huffed and crouched down to pick up the uno cards off the ground. "We're all immature" he thought and shook his head. There were cards scattered all over the floor, didn't they only fight  verbally ? he snorted when he saw four cards  neatly stacked under where Jaehyuk sat.

once he had a full deck of cards in his palm he went to Hyunsuk's dorm. The wood of the door felt hard and rough against his knuckles. Before he was about to knock a third time, Hyunsuk opened the door. when he saw the deck of cards In his hand, his blank expression gained a little life.

"oh my god, thank you so much" he said. "you're welcome, here." Mashiho gave the deck of cards. As he was walking back to his dorm, he noticed that the dorm sounded louder than usual, Yoshi was pretty quiet. When he came in, the LED light was on red and he saw Junkyu sitting on the lower bunk, he should of guessed it was Junkyu. Yoshi was on the piano recording some sort of beat.

"that one sounded so cool!" Junkyu mused at one of the beats Yoshi was making.

"What did I  just walk into?" Mashiho thought as he looked around the room. He sat on the floor and next to the shoe rack, there wasn't much room in here anyways.  Yoshi and Junkyu were in their own universe, Mashiho was  just sitting there looking at them vibe and bop their heads to the rhythm .

"are you going to make a track or something." Mashiho asked Yoshi. " maybe for fun." Yoshi replied. "yeah yeah, let's make one together." Junkyu suggested. "can I try something?" Junkyu asked Yoshi. Yoshi gave him the head phones and Junkyu replaced Yoshi's spot in front of the mic and the keyboard. He pressed down on a low note and sang a soft melody into the mic. Once he finished he returned the headphones to Yoshi and went back to Mashiho's lower bunk.

"that was good, it'll fit well with this." Yoshi said. " maybe we can add a little bass to that, it would make it sound more intense." Junkyu suggested. none of them paid any mind to him or even bothered to include him in their dumb shit. Mashiho  just stayed silent and listened to them, he felt kind of left out. Do they not see him here? He let out a long breath and stood up about to leave the room. a pair of hands brush both sides of his waist and pulled him. Junkyu sat him on his lap, no one seemed to thinks anything of it.

"what are you doing?" Mashiho asked. "don't leave,  just stay." He replied, resting his head on Mashiho's shoulder, arms still wrapped around his waist. Mashiho was  literally speechless. It wasn't the first time Junkyu was this clingy, this time  just felt....different.

the real question is, why is Kim Junkyu so oblivious? 

_maybe ignorance is bliss after all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me what yall think, k lol bye


	3. chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all- this chapter was hard to write lemme tell you-
> 
> song recommendation- the guardian of angels by NIVIRO
> 
> it's on wattpad too my username there is @walmart-gang

"Get up guys, come on!" 

Mashiho and Yoshi woke up to Yedam's voice trying to wake them up. He stayed in bed leaving all the questions for Yoshi to ask.

"what time is it?" Yoshi asked still lying down. 

"it's 7am get up, we have schedules." He said, sounding sleepy himself. 

Mashiho had one eye open in a wince. the suns light reflecting off the glass and right into their eyes.  Yedam  was unfazed by this as he had the time to get used to the atmosphere leaving Mashiho to blink several times to adjust . He looked up at Yedam's swollen face and held out his arm to him to get up, Yedam held his arm and pulled him up.  The blinds were open and the room was a mess, he released a deep breath he was holding and looked down on the floor, in disappointment he didn't know the cause of .

"So Junkyu left, huh." He thought, it did look like he was going to sleep in Mashiho's dorm last night. But  obviously ....not.

"Mashiho? Are you okay?" Yoshi asked. He snapped out of it when he realised he was standing still for a while.

"yeah, um...sorry about that." He apologised.

"no  really , it's okay." Yoshi said, smiling as he walked past him. 

Mashiho entered the bathroom and stared at himself in the rectangular mirror blankly. The bags under his eyes were really just ridiculous at this point. His black t-shirt felt really comfortable on him, he looked at the shower and rolled his eyes, he didn't really want to shower. As if he could do anything about it, they have a performance today. the water was ice cold, he didn't shiver, or run away from it. in fact it was what he needed right now, a proper "wake the fuck up". The melody of bohemian rhapsody came up in his mind so he just started humming to the tune of the song, he wasn't really a big fan of queen to begin with.

he got out of the shower and got dressed.  It was  just 7am they  literally had all the time in the world " Maybe showering in cold water Wasn't such a good idea" he thought .  Hyunsuk and Jihoon were chasing around everybody trying to keep things in check along with the manager, he can already feel their stress .  some members were sitting on the couch rehearsing and warming up their voices, and some  just speaking to each other . The atmosphere left Mashiho's face in a scowl, everyone was ready, there isn't a reason why they should stay.

"come one guys, the van's here!" The manager said, he followed them out the door. Cold wind blew against his skin making him shiver.  Clouds covered the sun and the blue sky turning it grey, the sound of the car engine and the sound of the wind was so  weirdly unsettling . This morning was so dull it started weighing down on his mood.

Mashiho rested his head on the window, his head was bopping on the window along with the vibration of the van. It was so loud In the van, everyone was speaking except for him. This morning didn't look like a good morning to be enthusiastic. He sat beside Jaehyuk who was speaking to Junkyu and Haruto who sat behind them.

"oh my god, is that true?" 

"yeah I saw it I swear"

"that's so messed up." 

Was all he picked up from their conversation. Junkyu wrapped his arms around Mashiho's neck.

"Mashi why aren't you speaking with us?" He said in that whiny voice.

"I don't know" he replied  groggily . Junkyu pated his face looking for his cheeks, Mashiho tried To swat his hand hands away. He pinched his cheeks and wiggled the from side to side. His, and Jaehyuk's laugh got on his last nerve.

"get offff" Mashiho said, trying to go to sleep.

"you're too cute." Junkyu said still laughing.

He finally let go of him and continued speaking to Jaehyuk and Haruto. Junkyu pissed him off. Mashiho drifted to sleep  eventually and stayed asleep throughout the whole ride.

"Mashiho." Jihoon patted his shoulder.

"Mashiho wake up we're here." He woke up to see everyone out the car except for him and Jihoon, he got up and started walking out of the Van together. The place was starting to get more sunny but the wind was still cold. When they entered, they had to go to get dressed and get their hair and make up done. It smells like a hospital in here, that isn't  really a smell a person would like to  be greeted with when they enter a place.

"Mashiho come here." One of the hair stylists called him holding a brush her hand. he smiled at her and sat on the chair. The mirror  was rimmed with lights and Mashiho winced at how blinding the lights were. Everything was  just giving him a headache today. he stayed on his phone and minded his business while the stylist was doing his hair.

"oh my god look at this." Doyoung gave his phone to him laughing at something he saw. mashiho erupted in laughter at some video someone made clowning Jeongwoo. 

"I- why would you guys laugh at that?"  Jeongwoo whined, taking the phone out of his hand, he too starting laughing with them, it was a video a fan made, it wasn't a problem anyways . 

"give that back!" Mashiho said laughing. 

"stop acting up, give me my phone." Doyoung told him still laughing at that video. 

"wait show me." Junkyu joined, Doyoung gave him the phone. Junkyu gaped at the video, then laughed with them. After Mashiho was all set he sat down on a couch beside Junkyu, they were both on their phones.

"Mashiho are you sure you're okay with the dance?" He asked breaking the silence.

"yeah I'm sure, I know it by heart." He replied.

"ugh, I'm so nervous." Junkyu whined.

"don't be you're an amazing performer, you're better than me." Mashiho smiled at him and ruffled his hair.

"no." Junkyu gasped looking all surprised, Mashiho laughed at his expression. one of the staff came in the room where the members were

"are you all set?"

"yep." The manager informed him. They  were taken backstage by some of the staff to make sure everything was alright. They got their headset mics on. The backstage was such a busy place, it was hard to concentrate with everything going on. Mashiho's hands clamped up and he stuttered his words whenever he spoke. He got used to being on the stage he didn't understand why he was getting nervous now. 

The members didn't look any different,

"great to know I'm not alone." he thought. 

"It's okay, you can do this don't worry, you've done this before and you're gonna do it again." He gave himself a whole pep talk in his head to try and calm himself down and hype himself up. They were finally put on stage, it was completely dark. The only things visible were the fans' lights, his breath was heaving in his chest. 

the dramatic sound of the stage lights turned on and he  was showered with a cold sweat.

the members started dancing 

_what was going on?_


	4. chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i posted this chapter a lil early.....enjoy!!
> 
> song recommendation- rain by swv
> 
> it's on wattpad, my username is @walmart-gang

The performance ended.

He tried to smile.

He tried to look okay.

For the fans.

For the members.

Fans were cheering and waving their lights, that should've been distracting enough. He started staring into the distance, he was stuck in his own mind. It felt as if this performance was 60 years rather than 10 minutes. his brain started to filter all the cheers and yells, unable to utter a word, his mouth was dry. How could that happen? What was going on?

they  were taken  back backstage after it  was finished  , the members  were Supposed  to be vlogging after the performance  . Mashiho tried to avoid the camera at all costs, he wanted to keep to himself and speak to no one. once he speaks he'll breakdown on the spot, so he tried to gulp down that lump in his throat.

The van should be here soon, then he would be home and he can cry on his own without anyone staring at him. The longer he  was left  alone with his thoughts, the more he  was engulfed  in the toxic waste land which was his mind. He sat there zoning out into the the distance resting his head on his palm, shaking his leg up and down.  People were in and out of the room, the last thing he would want was anyone noticing him or commenting on his sulking expression  . It got harder and harder by the minute to try and suppress his emotions.  Thankfully , everyone was busy doing their own things, they didn't have time for him. As time went by, he hadn't noticed Junkyu holding a camera to his face,

"Mashi how was the performance?" He asked excited and all. That one question he was dreading to  be asked .

Mashiho grinned as  positively  as he could trying to look convincing enough. He didn't want to speak, but now he  was forced  to.

"I-it was good. The performance was good." He said trying to keep it  short .The lump in his throat disabled him from speaking  normally  and Junkyu  probably  caught on .

"I-i need to use the bathroom" Mashiho said, he couldn't stay here. "alright!"  Junkyu said to the camera, turning it away from Mashiho and onto him, trying to stay enthusiastic for the sake of the vlog . He found Asahi right beside him and saw an opportunity.

"Asahi hold the camera." He said right before leaving after Mashiho.  The halls were narrow and lit with a cold white light, he didn't  really  know the directions and tried to ask staff if they knew where the bathroom was  . After a while, he was able to navigate where Mashiho went. He opened the bathroom doors  abruptly  expecting to see him, he couldn't find him anywhere.

"Mashiho? Where are you?" He called turning from side to side, thinking he would be able to find him.

"please answer me mashi I know you're here."  He called again beginning to think that  maybe  Mashiho wasn't in the bathroom and somewhere else . That made him even more worried, hell knows where Mashiho is if he wasn't here. Right as he was about to leave and look somewhere else, he heard a small sniffle coming from one of the stalls. He breathed out and stood in front of the bathroom stall.

"Are you okay?" He asked, not  really  wanting to bombard him with questions on why exactly he was crying, he  just  wanted to listen.

No answer.

"do you want to talk about it?" He offered, hoping he would answer him this time.

still no answer.

"it's okay, I get it, you don't have to speak about it." He said trying to sound more understanding. The stall door opened  slowly  , and there Mashiho was. Standing walking up to Junkyu and stopping right in front of him, looking down.  Light reflecting against the stream of tears that streaked his red cheeks, his shoulders shook with every cry and sniffle  . Junkyu took Mashiho in his warm embrace and let him cry on his shoulder. Mashiho couldn't hold it in anymore. He let out all his frustration and sobbed on Junkyu's shoulder. Junkyu's hand  slowly  made it's way to his head and caressed his hair.

"it's my fault" he wailed.

"you did nothing, mashi."

Mashiho shook and whimpered in his arms.

"it's my fault it's all my fault, I ruined it" he sobbed,  helplessly  blaming himself for something Junkyu had no idea about . He held his shoulder and faced him. Mashiho refused to look at him and looked down.

"Mashiho, you did nothing, nothing's your fault."

he looked up at him with his swollen eyelids and bloodshot eyes, Junkyu looked at him  sympathetically  , wiping his tears with his thumb . He cupped one cheek in his palm and said,

"what's wrong?" "I ruined the dance, I didn't know what to do." He answer, another teardrop fell on Junkyu's hand.

"it's okay, you didn't ruin anything in the performance, you were amazing."

He said and hugged him. Junkyu held his hand and smiled at him. He didn't look too convinced but he was grateful anyways.

"are you ready to leave?" He asked swinging their hands back and forth, Mashiho couldn't help but laugh.

"y-yeah" Mashiho smiled, a breath hitched in his throat. he washed his face in the sink as Junkyu waited for him  patiently  . Mashiho needed to muster up the courage to get out and face everybody, and  honestly , he wasn't ready to go out. Once he finished he looked back and smiled at Junkyu and they both walked out the door. As they were walking through the halls to get back into that room where everybody was, they saw the manager.

"where were you?! The Van's here!" He yelled, but that didn't matter right now. They followed him outside and into the van, the wind was still strong and cold on his skin. When they got into the van, everyone's heads turned to them in surprise,

"where were you guys?" Junghwan asked "the bathroom." Junkyu replied quick and moved along with Mashiho. they sat beside each other in the back of the van. Junkyu looked around the van to talk with someone but most people were asleep. Mashiho rested his head on his shoulder and tried to go to sleep himself. Junkyu smiled and stroked his hair until he went to sleep.

They both felt at peace.

Finally.


	5. chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> low key just trying to beef up this chapter
> 
> song recommendation- lolita by lana del rey

"Hey, wake up." Asahi tried to wake up Junkyu and Mashiho.

They were both dead asleep through the whole ride. Mashiho's head was resting on Junkyu's shoulder and Junkyu was sleeping on his head. Performing  Is pretty tiring.

"What?"  Junkyu asked in a drowsy voice, his eyes fluttering open trying to figure out what was going on again, finally detangling from their position .

Mashiho grunted and snuggled closer to the black tinted window trying to catch back that stolen moment of sleep .

"Come on." Asahi said patting Mashiho's shoulder  impatiently .

"Im up, I'm up." Mashiho said, and got up, walking out of the van after the members in slow footsteps.

His eyelids felt heavy and his movements were sluggish. if it wasn't obvious enough, the first thing he wanted to do was pass himself out to sleep. All the blinds were open, he winced when the rays of the sun hit his eyes, strange. his brows lifted at the realisation that he didn't remember the blinds being open when they left. Although, he paid no extra mind to it and tried to continue his treacherous journey to his dorm room in peace.

It felt like his feet were sinking into the ground the more he walked. The place was far too bright and so  unreasonably loud, it should be about 10am.  Maybe it wasn't everybody being loud and extra,  maybe it was  just his mood playing with his head.

He opened the door to his dorm and saw the open curtains, he walked over the things on the floor  to get to them.  Once he closed them, he went back to the lower bunk and covered himself with his blanket, not bothering to even change his clothes . It wasn't long before he was far submerged in his subconscious.

Who is that? why are they here? It didn't matter. They meant everything to Mashiho. As if the world would fall apart if they ever took parts and separated. He knew nothing of their identity or even their name. The only thing he knows is that they were the most important thing. What's their name? What are they doing in a place like this? Do they even know him? They were cuddling in a huge field filled lavender. Mashiho intertwined their hands.  The other person sat Mashiho between their legs and held their intertwined hands together . How peaceful it is.  Oh to be the only two people in a beautiful rural area doing nothing but appreciating each other's company .

"do you want to go to the river?" They asked. Unfortunately, he couldn't identify them through their voice. He nodded and followed them to the forest. The bright sunlight shone through the trees hitting his hair, and the other person's back. Squirrels scurried up the trees when they heard the crunch of the leaves beneath their bare feet. Mashiho was on cloud nine.  The only thing they heard was their footstep, the sounds of birds chirping, and the rustling of the trees against the cool breeze .

they got to the river. The light of the sun reflected off of the water making the river glisten. The person was fully dressed in a white dress, Mashiho looked at his unstable reflection in the river water. He was dressed fully in black. The other person looked at him longingly, they cupped his cheeks and leant in, Mashiho was doing the same. When their lips were half a centimetre apart, Mashiho asked,

"what's your name." Not moving an inch, the other person smiled at him, "you know me." They said  simply , Mashiho shook his head, stifling a laugh, still lost in the other person's eyes.

"no, I-i don't."

"yes, you do, my name is-" their sentence  was cut short. wait. Mashiho recognised that voice.  before they could say anything more, he felt like he was being dragged further and further away from them in a miraculous speed . Their voice sounded far and distant the further Mashiho went.

"wait!" He tried to say, but no sound escaped his mouth.

he was in complete and utter darkness now.

"Mashiho." A faint voice called. he looked around  desperately for it.

"Mashiho" it got louder now,

"Mashiho!" He bolted up from sleep in a cold sweat. it was  just a dream. he  was met with his  darkly lit dorm. Junkyu was standing right in front of him, Looking confused.

"we ordered some food." Junkyu told him.

"yeah, um...I'll be there in a bit." "okay." He said sounding like he was asking rather than saying. Then he left. Mashiho got up, he was still wearing the clothes he was wearing earlier. The first thing he wanted to do was change. He picked out a pair of black pyjamas and left the room.

Black

Ironic

When he went to the living room, the members were siting on the ground eating burgers. The food didn't look attractive to him, he didn't even eat yet. The dream was both bliss and a nightmare, he felt happy and scared. That was confusing. He sat down with them anyways.

"Do you guys wanna play a game?" Hyunsuk asked. Hyunsuk and his games.

"We're not good with games, remember last time?" Jihoon reminded him. Mashiho laughed at that, they weren't good with games at all.

"We can play monopoly." Yoshi offered.

"I don't know how to play monopoly." Mashiho said.

"We can watch a movie." Junkyu said. They all sat facing the tv and Yedam turned on a horror movie called Carrie.

Junkyu snuggled up beside Mashiho and Yoshi . The lights  were closed , the only light source came from the windows and the tv. Junkyu held onto Mashiho's hand. It felt too familiar. Mashiho  just ignored it and paid attention to the movie. Carrie was such a pitiful character. She was so innocent and  just tried to live a normal life. Bad things also come to good people and that didn't feel fair. The atmosphere she was living in didn't allow her to be or feel normal in anyway, that seems all too familiar.

" I feel so bad for her" Junkyu whined. Mashiho stifled a laugh and Junkyu held onto his hand tighter, why is he freaking out? he felt jittery  all of a sudden. His head turned to Junkyu. He was focusing on the movie, why is he thinking nothing of this. He  just leaned closer to Junkyu and enjoyed his company. the scent of cologne on Junkyu's clothes was so addicting.

While they were enjoying the movie, Mashiho opened his phone.

Wait a second.

His eyes flew open to the Mention of his name in an article.

_Oh god._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im working on a jaesahi fanfic i- 
> 
> song recommendation- Ms. Jackson by OutKast

"Fame's gotten in his head."

No! It didn't!

"He doesn't deserve the attention he gets."

Yes I do!

" Maybe he shouldn't of made the final line up." 

I deserved it!

With every heading and article, his stomach twisted in all different types of knots, his heart was racing, and he  just froze . The phone was in front of him but he  just zoned it out of his view. Everyone else was still watching the movie, he was far from focusing on that right now.  Slamming the phone down away from his sight, he shut his eyes closed trying to gather himself together .

Breath in. Breath out. He instructed himself.

This didn't feel right.

"How  badly could I have messed up the dance?" He interrogated himself, thinking of anything he could've done to stop this.

His heart was heavy and on fire, he tried to get back to normal and watch the movie like everyone else. Even the gory details of the movie didn't affect him. He sat there, blank faced with a million thoughts and worries creating traffic in his head.  It felt uncomfortable to do anything, he shifted in his position trying to find the comfort he once had, but he couldn't . Mashiho got up  abruptly from his spot, leaving the living room. Junkyu's eyes trailed him as he left wondering if everything was okay. So did a lot of the members. They looked back at the tv once he was out of sight, not thinking much of it.

Mashiho entered his dorm room and sat on the lower bunk going through these articles once again. " Maybe there was some sort of misunderstanding." He tried to reassure himself.

"He doesn't care."

"Not a true performer."

"Doesn't deserve his place in treasure."

"Lazy dancer."

He watched as those journalists slandered him and threw disdain on his name, not  really knowing how to feel or exactly what to do . Will his company take action against them? How will this  be handled ? Will he be under the public eye until they get satisfied when they see a difference?  He wanted to put his phone down and never look at it again but he couldn't help but try to look for something new someone posted about him . His legs  were crossed , his hands were shaking.

A boulder was now put on his back, it became his job to remove it. The room was dark, a bit of light peeked from the open door. What a good atmosphere to match with his mood. His phone's blue light shined on his face. A single tear drop escaped his eyes and the lump in his throat became too painful to bear and too big to swallow down.  lips now quivering, he dropped his phone on his lap and put the heals of his palm in his eyes, trying to stop the over flowing tears coming from his eyes . His breathing became irregular and sloppy.  The heat rising to his face gave him utter discomfort, he lost control over his emotions and started sobbing . On his own, that's how he felt.

Ironic.

In a house of 12 people he still felt alone. How will he ever be able to show his face in public again?  There were dozens of articles slandering him over a simple mistake, most likely never to happen again . 

Junkyu heard the quiet sobs coming from Mashiho and Yoshi's dorm room while he was about to go to his own dorm room. He entered the dark room,  barely even able to see anything. The only thing he saw was Mashiho's sillhouette sitting on the lower bunk.  Mashiho  probably hadn't noticed him there since he was so preoccupied in something far more important . Junkyu crouched in front of him to meet with his level and put both his hands on Mashiho's knees.

"Are you okay?" He asked in a whisper and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Mashiho jerked him away. He didn't want anyone to look at him now. Especially  not Junkyu. He's seen him vulnerable way too many times than he should.

"Mashiho what's going on?" He asked again. He didn't answer him.

"Nothing." He replied in sloppy breaths. Junkyu noticed that his phone was still on and on his lap. He looked up at him before taking it. 

" Maybe it was a text he received?" Junkyu thought. Mashiho didn't object to him taking his phone so he took that as a yes. Finally, he saw the article and put his hand on his mouth in shock.

"I-it's okay, it's only one article." Mashiho shook his head. "Wait there's more?" Junkyu asked, almost disbelief. There wasn't  really anything Junkyu could do. He sat beside him and wrapped an arm around him, letting him cry on his shoulder. Things have been hard for him in the past few days, the only thing Junkyu could do was listen.

"It was only  one performance how could that happen?" Mashiho sobbed as Junkyu rubbed his shoulder.

"It's not your fault." He tried to reassure him, it wasn't his fault at all. "It is." he whispered back, throwing all the blame on himself. "You can get through this, you're stronger than you think." Mashiho  strongly disagreed with everything he said. He didn't think of himself as strong whatsoever.

"Im not." he said.

"Yes you are." Junkyu insisted. His crying started to calm down, he  just rested his head on Junkyu's shoulder and stared into the distance, sniffing from time to time. Breathing started to go back to normal, but his breath would heave sometimes. They sat there for what felt like hours. Sounds from the tv were so faint, the only sound present in the room were their short breaths.

"Did you like the movie?" Mashiho asked breaking the comfortable silence. Junkyu scoffed, rubbing small circles on his shoulder.

"It was good."

" Really ?" Mashiho said, looking up at him and smiling. His eyes were still swollen, but he's calmed down now.

Junkyu looked back at him.

This was way too familiar.


	7. chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm low key having a migraine.
> 
> song recommendation- Gangsta's Paradise (feat. L.V.) by coolio

Mashiho didn't stay in Junkyu's embrace for too long, when he woke up in the morning, Junkyu was nowhere to  be seen . 

"He could've  just stayed." Mashiho thought to himself.  He huffed out a breath, and looked up at the wood rimmed bunk on top of him, staring at it, waiting for someone to go into the dorm room and force him out of bed . No one was in the room yet. Mashiho turned his head to look at the alarm clock set on the table beside him, 9:00am, 

"why isn't anyone here to wake me up?" He whispered to himself.

The blinds were open and the sun's yellow rays filled the room with brightness. Yoshi wasn't there.

"What?" Mashiho said and rubbed his tired eyes. Mornings are so confusing. He always wakes up and takes 5 minutes to process who he is and what he's doing.

" Maybe he's in the living room" he told himself. Things were still thrown around on the ground. clothes. shoes. Paper. Books? None of them even read.  it was suspicious that Mashiho couldn't hear any of them, they're usually pretty loud no matter what time of day . He opened the door to  be met with no one. Walking out of the door, all the blinds were open and the place looked  happily bright. He would've been content if he didn't have to worry about his members abandoning him. He made his way barefoot on the cold ground to the living room,  maybe he'll find someone there. They had to be asleep in the living room or something.

Still no one. "What is going on?" He asked himself, Looking around the place. 

"Guys! Where are you?" He yelled out to them to see if anyone would come out and answer him.

No one. He sighed and left to the kitchen.

"They  really aren't there." Why was the ground so cold? They should  probably get some carpet. He grabbed a pair of slippers that were in front of his dorm room door. It was so odd, the atmosphere was usually hectic especially in the morning. Who knows?  Maybe it's better that way.

"The betrayal." He thought. They were  probably doing some good when they left him on his own, he needed that quiet peace of mind for a little.

He walked to the kitchen to try and eat something, there was no one around him he could eat whatever he wanted. he spotted an  oddly placed sticky note of the hot pink kind so bright it gave him a flinch inducing eye sore.  This morning definitely wasn't a good morning for neon colours he entered the kitchen with a grimace taking a mental note  as to not open his eyes too  widely he might  just get a migraine .  One thing his members should know, is that if they're going to piss him off and leave him on his own in the house, they shouldn't go the extra mile and try to blind him .

Snatching the paper off the fridge, he saw that they only wrote a couple of words, thank god it wasn't a full ass letter, he would've  really had a migraine this time .

"You  were excused from the schedules today, we're at a photoshoot, hope you're feeling better.

Ps. We left some food for you in the microwave." the letter read. He put the neon paper down on the counter and walked to the microwave. 

"Then I wouldn't have to be making my own food. great!" He mused  sarcastically as he unlocked the microwave door, what a good day to be young and alive.

Oh. Mashiho's face fell into a scowl. Eggs.

"Eggs are gross, I'm positive that they ate up all the good stuff and gave me this." he said as he tossed the white plate with the stale eggs aside.

he opened up the pantry and started to rummage through it looking for some food meant for humans and not dog food. A bag of chips was far back in the pantry and he snatched it with a content smile. Scrolling through his phone on the couch, his chips were almost finished. He looked at it and put a hand to his forehead.

"Ugh, I'm so dumb." He whined with food in his mouth making him sound even dumber. DING. A message popped up at the top of his screen and his eyes widened. "Trust me you do not want to be here." Junkyu texted him. A chuckle escaped his mouth at the text as he put another potato chip in his mouth.

"How bad could it  really be?" Mashiho typed. 

"The photographer is so annoying" Junkyu replied. Mashiho scoffed.

"Thank god I'm not with you then."

"ugh whatever." 

"And btw, fuck you for giving me these gross eggs" Mashiho typed. 

"I swear it wasn't me." 

"Right"

"Anyways I gotta go, the photographer needs me."

"That what they deserve, a shitty photographer." he thought, scoffing and grabbed his phone again.

His phone became boring to stare at. It was getting kind of lonely, being in the house all by himself. Turns out his members weren't that annoying after all. The bag of chips was irritating to look at, he hated to look at a dirty place.

Even the couch got boring to sit at, it was better for him to not look at his phone anyway. That would've done more harm than good. He grabbed the remote and turned the tv on trying to see if the movie was still available for him to watch. It felt like he faked sick to stay home from school and his mom went to work and now he's watching some movie.

Close

But no.

The movie was still there. He turned it on and started to watch it. What a great storyline.  Mashiho lied down on his stomach, it was like he was  just staring at something behind the screen rather than focusing on the screen . What type of boredom was that? 

"The members better be back. And they better be back quick." he thought as he tried to endure another second of that movie.

The  barely audible click of the door went off. The members are back. He sat up and looked up at them as they entered the place one by one.

Finally.

Took them long enough.


	8. chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aight i know this is about 4 days late, but i was dealing with something for the past week lol forgive me.
> 
> song recommendation- call out my name by the weekend slowed

Cold air entered and spread through the house with the members coming in through the front door, it washed over his body but he didn't seem to care or mind . He sat straight up from the couch. relieved that they came back, he was  really getting bored. Mashiho tried to hide that grin of his, not wanting to look desperate to the members.  thankfully , None of them were already half asleep or dragging themselves to their dorms . They  probably won't go to sleep and leave him alone...again. the house was  seemingly more lively again once the members came back.

"Heyyy!" Doyoung greated. "How was the photoshoot?" He asked smiling at him. "It wasn't too bad." Jihoon answered, looking the most tired out of  all of them.

"It was pretty stressful if you ask me." Doyoung said scoffing. 

"Sounds bad to me." Mashiho chuckled. He still stood there after most of the members were already in the house, not intentionally waiting for someone. Maybe subconsciously.

Hiding his grin got more difficult once junkyu stepped inside the house. He had his hair cover his face when he looked down and took off his shoes on the mat. Mashiho's eyes  were fixed on him. Junkyu looked up at him,  cluelessly for a second. Mashiho looked back at him  blankly , but his eyes said the opposite. He smiled at him trying to break that stare that felt like it took an hour rather than 2 seconds. Junkyu smiled back at him  warmly and walked up to him.

the sun started to get brighter as it lit up the whole house with it. He  grinned and put his fingers through his hair ruffled Mashiho's light hair, the smile on his lips fell when Junkyu did that . There he goes treating him like a baby again.

"I'm not a child." Said,  lightly trying to remove his hand from his head.

Junkyu scrunched up his nose, patting Mashiho's head and chuckled. 

"Nice to see you too." He said before leaving to his dorm room, leaving Mashiho to dwell on what he said. he watched him as he left, getting more distant as he finally disappeared into his dorm. 

"Was he mad?" He thought, was he being too harsh?

"Oh come on, that was hardly harsh." Mashiho thought to himself. Before trying to leave to his dorm room too, Haruto slung his arm around his shoulder making him jump a bit.

"Was it fun being home alone?" He asked. 

"Not  really ." Mashiho chuckled. 

"Why do you look excited  all of a sudden?" Mashiho asked him. 

"We're going to a restaurant later today." Haruto mused. Food has a special spot in Haruto's heart, it wasn't a surprise if he was that excited.

" Really ? Where?" Mashiho asked raising his brows. 

"I don't  really know, you should ask Hyunsuk. He picked out the place." Haruto said.

Their conversation  was wrapped up pretty  quickly as Mashiho left to his dorm with Yoshi. Yoshi said he was pretty tired and went to sleep. So he  just went back to the living room with the members who were playing monopoly. He didn't know how to play monopoly so he sat there watching them get excited over some...bank game? 

Gambling? He wasn't  really sure, but watched them anyways. Junkyu sat on the ground with Mashiho behind him sitting on the couch. The sun was starting to set. Emitting a bright orange light into the living room. It looked so...romantic?  Whenever Junkyu got tired with the members, he would rest his head on Mashiho's lap, as he played with his silky black hair .

"You don't understand the rules of the game!" Hyunsuk yelled frustrated at the light haired boy in front of him.

"No, you're  just changing the rules to your favour!" Jihoon yelled back. 

"Guys calm down!" Asahi said trying to calm them. 

"Not every time we play a game it has to be like this." Jaehyuk sighed. The sun was already setting, the sky was not completely dark blue yet.

Yedam, Mashiho and Junkyu  just sat there looking at Jihoon and Hyunsuk rip each other a new one. Junkyu tilted his head back further to Mashiho,

"The is peak comedy." He whispered

Mashiho chuckled at him, looking down at his reversed face on his lap. He was braiding his hair, and redoing his braids over again. None of them bothered to listen to Jihoon or Hyunsuk anymore, or ever pay attention to them.

They  just sat there enjoying each other's company. Junkyu snuggled more  comfortably into Mashiho's lap.

"Junkyu, come one it's your turn." Jaehyuk said. He snapped out of it and left Mashiho's lap, starting to pay more attention to monopoly. It got  weirdly less comfortable without Junkyu.  So he snuggled in the couch for warmth as he watched him play monopoly with the rest of the members, that was comfortable enough . 

The warm orange light coming from the lamp on the table beside him made him so comfortable yet so lonely. Not knowing how to feel, he embraced  all of these puzzled emotions. The scandal was  really messing with his head.  He embraced his aching yet warm heart, and continued to watch his members play and fight over some banking game . 

"Only if I knew how to play monopoly, I could've been fighting with them right now." He thought, and chuckled  lightly at his thought. his eyes were opening and closing  slowly , he wasn't  really sleepy anyways. Watching them fight was entertaining enough to keep him awake.

"What time is it?" Jihoon asked. "Let me check real quick." Hyunsuk said and picked up his phone from the floor. He smiled and said,

"It's 7pm, we're gonna go to the restaurant." He got up and Jihoon and junghwan got up with him.

"Yes, I'm starving." Yedam said in relief, getting up and stretched his arms. Mashiho left the couch and entered his dark dorm room where Yoshi slept. The air conditioner was strong against his skin. He opened the light.

"Close the light." Yoshi said  groggily , still asleep. Picking up some things off the floor, he said.

"We're going to a restaurant, do you wanna come?" 

"Yeah, I'm up." Yoshi said sitting up, the blanket still surrounding him. It took him a few seconds to adjust his eyes to the light as he blinked  rapidly . Mashiho got into black jeans a white shirt and a black jacket. It was too cold outside to be a fashion icon. He left the room to go to the living room again. Hyunsuk was calling the manager and had his phone on speaker.

"Hey, we're going to a restaurant. Can we use your van?" He asked,  stupidly , like the manager would ever yes.

"I- no! You don't even have a license." The manager said in disbelief.  Hyunsuk roller his eyes  dramatically and went back to the phone, some of the members were sitting on the couch paying close attention to their phone call .

"I _do_ have a license, I swear I'll take car of it well. I won't crash it or anything." Hyunsuk begged.

"Ugh. Look you won't take my van anywhere." The manager said,  clearly losing it with Hyunsuk.

"How are we going to get there then?" He whined. The manager sighed through the phone and said,

"Fine!  _I_ will take you there. I'll be there in ten minutes." Then ended the call.

"Yes!" Hyunsuk said as all the members celebrated with him. Mashiho sat on the couch, waiting for the manager to pull up.  Some people were playing on their phones, some were talking, some were still in their dorms and some were waiting and doing nothing like Mashiho . Five minutes passed since the manager ended the call with hyunsuk, he should be here any minute now. The ones who were still in their dorms came out to the living room with the rest of the members, that included Junkyu.

Hyunsuk's phone rang and he ran to it reading the name, it was the manager.

"Hello?" He answered the call. 

"I'm here, come down stairs" 

"Oh okay okay." Hyunsuk said before ending the call. 

"Come one guys he's here!" He announced as the members followed him out the door.

It was dark outside, the warm coloured street light  were reflected off the road and the white van. The manager came out of the driver's seat and pulled open the door for them to enter. They got in one by one. Mashiho sat in the back seat beside Junghwan and Asahi. The car engine was vibrating as the manager started the car.

While it was finally driving, a sequence of street lights passed through the window like it was turning on and off . City lights soon came into view as they finally entered downtown. Tall buildings and sky scrapers decorated the city of Seoul. It was so satisfying and so beautiful to look at. Most of the members were on their phones, but Mashiho was focusing at the view. he smiled at the view, one thing to distract him from another article and another nasty comment.

They finally got to the restaurant. Entering the place, he noticed that it smelled like beef, must be promising.

Steam escaped the kitchen where cooks were and they sat at a big table in the corner of the place.

thank  god.

he was starving.


	9. chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy!1!!
> 
> song recommendation- satisfaction by benny benassi slowed

The chats, murmers, laughs and distant conversations of the people and the members in the restaurant filled his head . But he paid no attention to them. Traffic from outside to the restaurant was  barely audible.  Cold air from the open window right beside their table grazed against his bare pale face creating a dry tint of pink on his cheeks and the tip of his nose . 

The contrasting hot air filling the restaurant didn't seem to warm him up at all.  Tightening his black jacket around his body, he rubbed his hands together to create some sort of warmth that would keep him comfortable until they got out of there . His head was resting on his palm now.  he didn't engage in any of the conversations any of the members were in, his mind was too tired to try to keep up with anything let alone a conversation .

His phone was facing down on the table right beside his elbow that was resting on the table. Looking at it once. Twice.  He dismissed any of the thoughts going on in his mind, shaking his at the thoughts, he rested his head on the table between his arms . Keeping his hands away from that phone wasn't as easy as he told himself.  Instead he stared at the couple sitting at the two seat table beside theirs, where a woman with long black hair and a white sweater and a man with a blue hoodie sat . They stared at each other  longingly whenever the other wasn't looking or on their phones. Happiness is so beautiful but so hard to look at. Mashiho wasn't envious of them he  just wished he was in a peace of mind like theirs. Both of them wore rings on their ring fingers.

"They must  be engaged or married" he thought.

"Or they can be both cheating on their partners." He chuckled at that one thought.

The guy with the blue hoodie turned his head to Mashiho and eyed him up and down  suspiciously . Mashiho  awkwardly turned his head back to his members in embarrassment.

"He  probably thought I had a special eye on his girl or something." he scoffed and shook his head.

looking at his phone once more, he finally grabbed it to stop the demanding thoughts running a marathon in his head. He tried to scroll through the articles again.

"Inappropriate"

Oh god.  Really ?

"Has he always been a lazy dancer and we  just didn't notice until now?" 

Great a whole dissection of my career.

"Should he  really be and idol?" 

Not this again.

"Is Mashiho of treasure a bigot now? Well find out with-"

Junkyu snatched the phone off of his hands before he could complete that article and stuffed it in his pocket .

"Hey!" he yelled at him trying to retrieve his phone.

"You're not supposed to be reading those now. Come on" Junkyu sighed back at him. Mashiho rolled his eyes and sat back in his place.

"Junkyu give me back my phone." Mashiho said glaring at him.

"This" Junkyu said as he took the phone out of his pocket and held it up in front of him, "is staying with me until we get out of the restaurant ." He put back the phone in his pocket and grinned at him tapping his pocket  sarcastically .

Mashiho shook his head and disbelief and rested his head back on the table.

"Come on, talk with us, it's boring without you." Junkyu whined as he shook his shoulders. Mashiho got up and Junkyu held his hands.

"Your hands are so cold!" He said as he looked down at red fingertips. Junkyu looked back up at him and said,

"Here let me warm them."  And held his hand  tightly between his in attempt to try and warm his hands, but not  really getting the effect he wanted . Instead Mashiho looked up at him with dead eyes. He looked up at him trying to see if this was some sort of lame joke he made to catch him all flustered and pissed like this. Well his hands are warmer now. Junkyu still latched onto him.

The food finally arrived. Steaming beef and pork on the white plates arrived. Thank goodness.  Although Mashiho had a couple of things that distracted him from the food and made him forget that he was in a restaurant to begin with .

As he was about to eat his first bite, Junkyu stopped him by holding up his fork to his face with a piece of steak on it. Mashiho raised a brow at him  questioningly . Junkyu  just brought the fork closer to him.

"Didn't know we  were supposed to act like Jaehyuk now." He scoffed at him and took the bite, He finally looked satisfied and smiled. Mashiho chuckled and almost choked on his food.

"Oh my god are you okay?" Junkyu laughed and patted his back.

"Yeah." He chocked again. He started  aggressively patting his back now, Mashiho tried to get him off but he went on.

"Junkyu, I'm fine." He said with junkyu still patting his back.  When he stopped they turned to look at the others to find them staring at them as well as most of the people in the restaurant, including the couple beside them . They hid their faces in humiliation and rolled their eyes.

"What the hell I told you to stop." Mashiho whispered.

"I didn't hear you" junkyu whispered back.  They continued eating without trying to humiliate themselves for the thirtieth time that day .

"Are we allowed to drink?" Jihoon said to the manager in a low tone 

"What did you say?" The manager asked.

"I said, can we drink?" He tried again. The manager glared at him. Most of the people in the table  were embarrassed on the behalf of Jihoon.

"Hell no." the manager dismissed him.

He flopped back to his seat in disappointment.

"Are you guys finished?" The manager asked the table. It was finally time for them to go back to the house. The manager paid the check and the members let after him.

The white door of the van slid open as the members got in one after another. Not long after they were already in the house.

Mashiho didn't have much plans for the rest of the day so he  just tried to make his way back to his dorm, before Junkyu grabbed his wrist, stopping him .

"What?" He asked.

"Come with us to the practice room." Junkyu said, who was already changed into his pyjamas.

"No I'm tired." Mashiho tried to leave.

"Come on. It'll be fun." Junkyu begged once more. Mashiho sighed and said,

"Fine let me  just change."


	10. chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chile- tried to finish it before twelve but-
> 
> song recommendation- habits of my heart by jaymes young

"He's so annoying." Mashiho thought as he rummaged through his wardrobe, pushing clothes left and right, trying to find his navy pyjamas.  Being dragged into things he had no intention to do in the first place was irritating, dancing wasn't something he would enjoy doing at the moment . In fact it would be the last thing he would do out of pure wanting and not because it's his job.

" Maybe I  just need something to distract me." He thought.

He checked the pockets of his black jeans for his phone. his breathing froze when he couldn't feel it there.

"Oh my god did I leave it in the restaurant?"  He asked himself as he looked around the room  frantically , grabbing his black jacket, he started going through every pocket or any place his phone could've fell into .

"Oh"

It's with junkyu. Mashiho rolled his eyes, grunting in frustration as he threw his jacket back on the bed.

"He's so infuriating." He thought and grabbed his navy pyjamas  aggressively , trying to get changed into them,  peacefully this time.

The bathroom door was already open so he enter the small,  brightly lit bathroom.

"Note to self: lock the damn door" he thought and made his way back to the wooden door to lock it.  Grabbing his dark coloured pyjamas off the sink and straightened the shirt before he had any chance to slip the shirt on, he heard a knock at the door,

"Mashiho? Are you there?" He heard a distinctive voice yell from the other side of the bathroom door. Mashiho huffed out a breath in annoyance.

Junkyu

_"Yes."_ He said, emphasising the word. 

"Im here. Does your highness allow me to change?" He said with sarcasm dripping from his voice. Mashiho stood there waiting for a reply back. Though he didn't hear anything back from Junkyu, so he continued to change. Who knows.  Maybe if he had to hear Junkyu's irritable voice again he would finally lose it.

Junghwan, Jaehyuk, Hyunsuk, Jihoon, Junkyu were already in the practice room when he got there . Mashiho put his tin water bottle on the floor making a clank and got up.  Junkyu was on the floor stretching, Jihoon and Hyunsuk had their backs against the wall as they spoke about something Mashiho couldn't quite hear . 

Jaehyuk and Junghwan were already doing some dance he couldn't recognise. Not knowing exactly what to do, he got on the floor and followed Junkyu's lead as they stretched together. Might as well dance and strengthen his abilities while he's at it.

"You're finally here." Junkyu mused with a smile, twisting his head to see him while he was still stretching.

"Hey" he muttered back to him.

Junkyu  was dressed in something suitable for dance unlike most of the people in the practice room who were wearing pyjamas . A trickle of sweat glided down Junkyu's forehead. Huh. Weird

"He was  probably dancing before." Mashiho thought and continued to stretch.

After a while of doing some basic stretches, Junkyu finally got up and Mashiho followed his lead. Mashiho scratched the back of his head debating wether he should ask him a question he had in mind or not.  While he was too sceptical about asking him that question, Junkyu was already practising one of the group's choreographies, making a few mistakes mashiho noticed from time to time .

"hey um, do you remember that choreo I um.." Mashiho said, not too sure if he should say it louder, it came off as more of a whisper.

"Huh?" Junkyu turned to him raising a brow. "I- the, I mean, the choreo I messed up. You know?" He bring himself to say louder.

"Ohhhh" Junkyu said in realisation.  Mashiho's lips pre ssed into a thin line as he shut his eyes closed trying in regret once these words came from his mouth .

"Yeah yeah, what about it?" Junkyu asked  breathlessly , hands resting on his hips, waiting for an answer.

"Yeah um...uh..can you help me out with it?" he asked.

Junkyu looked to the side then looked back at him,

"Uh yeah. Sure why not?" He said.

They went back to the centre of the practise room and stood facing the huge mirror, Mashiho had a basic understanding of the dance so it shouldn't be too hard .

"Okay so you go like this in the third count." Junkyu instructed. Mashiho tried to follow after him and copy his exact move.

"No. Stay where you are." He said, shaking his head. Junkyu approached him and lifted his wrist, and bent his knee closer to the ground making him wince.

He put a hand to either side of his torso and twisted it a bit, Mashiho's eyes widened and his face got hot, Junkyu lifted his hands away and he let out a breath .

"Okay this is good."

They were finally thirty minutes into practising, and mashiho performed the dance  smoothly along with Junkyu . bits of hair were sticking to his forehead due to the sweat, he was panting as he put a hand to his hip.  Standing was starting to get hard as his legs ached, he dragged himself to the sofa at the corner of the room with Junkyu following him .  Once he got there he dropped himself on it and put a hand to his forehead trying to breath  steadily to calm down his pulse .

"You're a quick learner." Junkyu panted

"Thanks, and thank you for helping me." Mashiho said.

Junkyu sat on the ground right beside Mashiho who was on the sofa and started to massage Mashiho's aching legs . That was  literally the one thing he need, his legs were killing him. His heart started to beat quicker despite his pulse calming down already. They remained quiet, no one said anything.  The silence was  really comfortable and none of them felt like they needed to speak or break the silence, the sound of the cold air conditioner was enough noise .

After a while Mashiho and Junkyu got up from their positions and faced each other. They were staring at one another for a little before Mashiho went in and hugged him. Junkyu froze in his spot. He  was caught off guard.

"Thank you for being there for me." Mashiho said with his forehead resting on Junkyu's chest. He wrapped his arms around Mashiho and hugged him back. Warmth spread the both of them despite the cold ac being right in front of them.

"No problem, you've always been there for me." Mashiho tied his hands tighter around him and so did Junkyu.  Heartfelt emotions were starting to bubble up in Mashiho as the butterflies in his stomach erupted .

"Wait?" he thought.

"Why am I feeling like this?" another thought entered his head.

He thought to himself, more like interogated rather than asked.  Mashiho left Junkyu's embrace afraid that if they continued, things would get weirder for him .

"I-i need to go." He said before heading out the practise room leaving Junkyu on his own and dumbfounded. He tilted his head and blinked in confusion,

"What?" He asked himself before shaking his head and leaving to his own dorm.

On his way back, walking fast to his dorm, Mashiho realised he forgot something.

"Shit." He seethed to himself before stomping to Junkyu's dorm. Opening the door he saw that Junkyu was already in there and the room was  really dark.

"Junkyu?"


	11. chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, this was fun to write.
> 
> song recommendation- pink bubblegum by lavi slowed

The room was pitch black with little to no light coming from the open door, the hot ac blew against his hair. He sensed someone in there but he couldn’t  really  pin point who it was. Of course it was Junkyu’s roommate. But Mashiho heard that distinctive voice in there and knew it was Junkyu without a doubt. Now he’s not  really  sure anymore. He tilted his head to get a clearer view of the room.

“Junkyu?” He whispered, seeing if someone there,  hopefully  junkyu, would answer him.

He waited.

A second

Two seconds

Three

four.

He concluded that Junkyu wasn’t in the room. It was time for him to leave, so he turned to the door and was on his way back to his dorm. That was until he hit his head on a solid structure in front of him right when he turned around. a face was looking back at him all confused when he looked up.  Mashiho let out a startled yelp that was  quickly  blocked by the person in front slapping a hand to his mouth and a hand holding his wrist which was centimetres close from hitting the other person’s face .

Junkyu.

That jolt of shock made mashiho’s heart  painfully  beat in his chest. Junkyu let go of him and put a hand to his chest and huffed out in relief. Mashiho hit his fist on his chest.

“What the fuck was that for?” Mashiho said through gritted death. Junkyu whined in pain and held his hand on his chest.

“Why are you in here?” He asked. Mashiho looked to the side then back at him.

“I need my phone it’s still with you.” He said. Junkyu made his way to the further end of the room. Mashiho watched him, he turned to Mashiho looking as if he was waiting for him to follow him. So he followed after him. Junkyu was looking through the pockets of his jacket for mashiho’s phone and gave it to him when he found it. It was time for him to leave the room, but he  just  stood there. No desire of leaving that room was ever in him. All he did was stare at Junkyu’s face in the dim lighting.

“What’s going on with me?” He asked himself, not looking away from him. Junkyu stared back at him  blankly .

“Stop” a voice in Mashiho’s head commanded.

“Thank you” he muttered before leaving the room.

He got to his dorm and dropped himself on the bed, without Junkyu leaving his mind. Not even for a second. That confused him to no end.

“Why am I thinking about Junkyu  all of  a sudden?” He asked himself.  Sleep wasn’t coming by easy, he tossed and turned in his bed trying to catch the blink of sleep he never got for the next 30 minutes  .  After a whole 30 minutes of trying to get some rest, he lied on his back and stared at the bottom of the bunk on top of his, and let his mind wonder . what exactly about Kim junkyu that was keeping him up at night?

“Why do I have to stay up thinking about _him?_ ” Mashiho thought, it could’ve been anyone else but it had to be him. The room was pitch black, he couldn’t see much, a little bit of light crept it’s way through the crack of the door. wait.

The light was still open.

Mashiho got up from from his bed, with the rustle of his soft bed sheets. He walked barefoot on the cold floor tiles as he felt the air coming from the crack of the door hit his toes. Though the room was dark, he somehow sensed his way to the door. He  slowly  opened the door. More and more light entered the room as he opened it wider. He  was met  with Junkyu’s back in the kitchen, he rested his shoulder against the door opening and crossed his arms.

“What are you doing here?” He asked.  Junkyu turned his head to him in surprise, his expression neutralised when he saw it was Mashiho speaking and turned his head back .

“Couldn’t sleep.” He said.

“Couldn’t sleep either” Mashiho sighed and made his way to sit on the stools beside the counter.

_Because of you._

A voice in his head said.  Maybe  if these voices stopped, he could  successfully  ignore what he’s feeling. They  were engulfed  in silence, Mashiho felt like his tongue  was tied , he had no idea what to say. Junkyu was cooking something for himself.

“So, what’s keeping you up?” Junkyu asked focusing on his cooking. Mashiho’s eyes widened and heat traveled through his neck and crept to his face.

_He knows he knows he knows he knows._

“Um.. I don’t know” he finally said.

“What’s keeping _you_ up?” He asked, reversing the question onto him.

“ Just  wasn’t sleepy.” He said. Again with the unbearable silence. Junkyu put the lid on the pot and turned to Mashiho resting his elbows on the counter. He smiled at him, Mashiho  simply  stared at him instead of returning the gesture.

“So, I figured you were hungry, do want some?” He asked. Mashiho looked to the side trying to avoid Junkyu’s striking gaze.

“Actually yes, I want some.” He said. Junkyu went back to the stove and pulled out two white bowls from the cabinet putting the ramen in them. He turned back to Mashiho and hand him his bowl. They both made their way to the living room and sat on the ground. No one said a word and they were eating their ramen in silence. Mashiho would glance at Junkyu whenever he had the chance.

“You did a  really  good job today.” Junkyu said looking at him.

“Uh.. thanks.”Mashiho said with an awkward chuckle.

“You know, I  really  don’t like how I’m awake right now, I should be asleep getting as much sleep as I can.” He said, Mashiho scoffed.

“Can’t disagree with that, I wish I was asleep too.”

“Well hey, at least we’re here alone without anyone to annoy us.” Junkyu said  as-a-matter-of-factly .

But Mashiho disagreed.

Sitting alone with junkyu only made him more confused.

“  Maybe  it-“ Mashiho started but got interrupted by Junkyu walking up to him and wiping something off his lip with his thumb, holding his cheek in his hand .

Mashiho’s heart skipped a beat, he could tell his face was turning red due to the heat.

When their eyes finally met, they stayed there.

Staring into each other’s gaze.


	12. chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the bratz movies' production were so low quality but no one talks about it like.......
> 
> song recommendation- earned it by the weekend slowed

It took Mashiho a moment to  fully  comprehend what was happening. Yet he couldn’t  really  understand either. His breathing began to get shorter and shorter, a million thoughts ran through his head.

Junkyu stared into Into his eyes looking for an answer of some sort. Mashiho froze in his spot, staring back at Junkyu. His heart beat against his chest so hard, he was afraid Junkyu heard it too. Their soft breaths were the only things audible in the room. heat traveled so  quickly  across his body, his red face showed even in a dim lighting like this. Junkyu’s eyes fluttered down to Mashiho’s lips as he pushed him so his back would be against the couch.  An expression of surprise flashed through Mashiho’s face when Junkyu pushed him against the couch with his hand on his chest . Taking the initiative, Junkyu tilted his head and leaned in. Mashiho went with it and put a hand on his soft, warm cheek as his eyes began to close while Junkyu leaned in deeper.

_What are you doing?_

A voice in his head yelled at him.  Once their faces were centimetres apart, Mashiho’s eyes opened as he put a hand on Junkyu’s chest before things got any further . Junkyu looked at him confused. Mashiho looked to the side trying to avoid his eyes, he couldn’t keep looking at them, he’s confused enough.

“I need to go.” Mashiho muttered as he gathered himself and stood up, Junkyu stood up with him and said,

“Wait.” Mashiho kept on walking and didn’t turn his back to him.

“Mashi wait.” He said louder to only  be responded by  the sound of Mashiho’s dorm room closing. Junkyu sighed and ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

“What was I doing?” He thought to himself hoping his mind would help him and give him an answer.

But it didn’t.

Mashiho laid in bed thinking. A smile decorated his face in the pitch black darkness of the room. Which  was replaced by  a frown later. He couldn’t figure out if he should be happy, mad at Junkyu, confused. What emotions are valid at this situationt?

“ Maybe  if I hadn’t rejected it, I wouldn’t be so confused anymore.” He thought.

All of  these feelings were so new, and confusing. Mashiho’s heart was still beating out of control. After a while of thinking, his mind shut off and he went to sleep.

“Hey.” Yoshi said, but Mashiho turned in his bed and ignored him completely. He threw the blanket over his head to try and block the sun rays from hitting his eyes.

“Wake up” Yoshi tried again. Still Mashiho ignored him.

“We have a photoshoot.”

This time Mashiho sat straight up in his bed when he heard that they had schedules.

He had to adjust to the sun being  directly  in front of his eyes by blinking a few times. His eye lids were still heavy, he couldn’t hold them up of the life of him, his body was pretty much still asleep.

“Shouldn’t of stayed up thinking about Junkyu all night.” He thought to himself in regret.

It took courage to get himself up to the bathroom, the first thing he wanted to do was go straight back to sleep.

His subconscious must be playing games with him. All he saw was Junkyu in his dream.

He got out of the bathroom and went outside of his dorm room, where all the members were. His hands were clamming up, and his heart was beating faster than usual. Looking from side to side, checking if Junkyu was there. He went to sit with the others on the couch. When he first entered the living room, the first person that caught his eye was Junkyu, he looked back at him too. The smile on Junkyu’s lips fell when he saw him and they stared at each other with blank expressions.  That smile reemerged  awkwardly  and mashiho returned the gesture and sat on the couch as far away from Junkyu as possible .

Mashiho would glance at Junkyu whenever he wasn’t looking, so did Junkyu. Everyone  was dressed  and ready to go to the photoshoot but they were waiting for the van.

They were finally dropped off at the place. A stylist took mashiho and gave him something to dress in, it was the brand they were sponsoring. He had already got his hair and makeup done. Some of the members were in the room where they got their hair done. Junkyu was one of them. When he got his clothes on, he  was taken  to get some pictures taken with the photographer. The place  was decorated  with big windows and it portrayed a blank white color on it's walls, it looked classy.

The photographer with a red flannel holding a camera wrapped around her neck motioned for him to come  . Mashiho began walking to the all white set and went to the centre. The photographer further explained the concept and mashiho went back to the set. Posing wasn’t that big of a deal for him, he should  be done  in a few minutes.

“God I don’t want to be here” he thought as he posed another time with the bright flash of the camera and clicking going off again . The photographer requested a certain pose, he nodded at her and went back to the centre. Right as he was about to pose, Junkyu walked right across and sat down in a seat, looking at mashiho. That caught his eye and distracted him, he stood there and stared at him.

“Mashiho?” The photographer called out, tilting her head from the camera, he looked back at her.

“Oh, sorry.” He muttered not wanting Junkyu to think that Mashiho  was distracted by  him. The flash of the camera went off again.

“Okay. Thank you Mashiho, that’s it.” She told him and looked at the pictures she took. He bowed at her and left.

“Who’s next?” She called out to the rest, Junkyu walked up to the set. Mashiho sat on the same chair he was sitting on and propped his elbow which was holding his head up on the arm rest. He was staring at Junkyu pose in front of the camera.  Clicking and flashing went off whenever he posed a new pose, then he got off the set, once he did, Mashiho left to the bathroom .

Junkyu watched him leave, after a couple of seconds, he left after him.

“Mashiho?” He called. Mashiho turned his back to him in surprise right as he was about to enter a stall.

“What?” He said.

“Are you mad at me?” He asked. Mashiho put his hands in his pockets and leaned his back on the wall raising his brows.

“No. Not at all.”

“I’m sorry i tried to…” Junkyu said, unable to say that last word.

“Kiss me?” Mashiho completed for him, looking as calm as a person can get.

“Yeah.” Junkyu whispered.

“Don’t be.  Maybe  you should’ve kissed me.” Mashiho said  nonchalantly . Junkyu’s eyes flew wide open and his heart skipped a beat when he said that.

“W-what?”

Mashiho walked closer to junkyu.

_“You heard what I said”_ closer

And closer


	13. chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter was short, school just started and i was busy,
> 
> xoxo, your favorite bitch.
> 
> song recommendation- lil love song by tash

“You heard me” Mashiho said getting closer and closer to Junkyu, heart beating faster the closer he got. 

“I-“ Junkyu said but got  quickly interrupted.

With an outburst of confidence, Mashiho held the back of his head and closed the space between them by pressing his lips onto Junkyu’s . electrical currents flew threw their bodies when their soft lips touched.

Junkyu’s eyes were wide open, in shock of what  just happened.  It didn’t take him long before holding either sides of his waist and pressed their bodies against each other . Mashiho hummed and wrapped his arms around his neck moving his lips against his. Their breathing got shorter, every touch felt electric. The butterflies in their stomach multiplied by the seconds. Heat spread like wild fire, Junkyu bit Mashiho’s lip getting a gasp out of him. 

Mashiho pulled back. They  were left staring at each other red faced panting. Their lips were were swollen.

Mashiho backed off and rested his hands on his hips, Junkyu sighed and massaged his temples, shutting his eyes closed in embarrassment . Mashiho couldn’t find any words. 

“See, nothing awkward about us.” He said. Still massaging his temples, he looked back up at Mashiho, red tinted cheeks, and said,

“Yeah, n-nothing awkward.” Junkyu said with a sheepish smile.

Mashiho eyed him up and down, heart pounding against his chest.

“The members must be waiting for us.” He said, leaving through the grey bathroom door. 

Junkyu left after him, straightening his shirt and tidying his hair. 

Shutting his eyes in regret, mashiho walked through the sun lit hallway with Junkyu walking behind him, his body tensed .

He let out a deep breath to try and calm his heartbeat.  Junkyu’s fingers  were pressed against his red lips, recalling, butterflies starting to spread through his stomach whenever he would remember . He looked at Mashiho’s back walking in front of him, his face heated up. 

Eyes widening, they spotted Hyunsuk in the hallway. A look of realisation painted his face when he saw them.

“Where were you guys?” He asked as he walked up to them.

“Um, bathrooms.” Junkyu said before Mashiho had a chance to say anything. Hyunsuk looked back at Mashiho. He flashed a smile at Hyunsuk,

“Okay?” he said  slowly , looking at him then to Junkyu.

“Let’s go we have something to do.” He said as he left while they walked behind him. Mashiho let out a sigh of relief he was holding in when he saw Hyunsuk. 

They walked all the way to the room, where all the members were getting their hair done a different way and dressing into different clothes . 

Another photo shoot was to  be taken , this time with the whole group. He looked around the room. There was Junghwan and Jaehyuk sitting on the couch together, ready for the photo shot. A hair stylist motioned for Mashiho to come with a black hair brush in his hand.  He walked up through the crowded room to the chair and sat down, recalling the memories from that kiss, smiling from time to time . 

Junkyu’s face reflected off the mirror in front of Mashiho. He looked at him through there, hoping the hair stylist wouldn’t suspect anything.

_“We’re friends. What type of friends don’t kiss?”_ He thought to himself, trying to quit down any of the thoughts in his head opposing that. He took his phone out of his pocket and started scrolling through his instagram feed. 

_“We’re friends. It was only a one time thing.”_ Junkyu thought. Staring at himself in the mirror. The stylist left to get something for a second, he turned his head to see the rest of the the others in the room. He spotted Mashiho’s piercing eyes staring at him through the mirror. Mashiho looked at something else immediately, but not fast enough. Junkyu sat back down in his seat  normally and smiled. 

The stylist came back and continued doing Junkyu’s hair.

It was time for them to get their pictures taken. The whole group got onto the set. Mashiho and Junkyu were nowhere near each other. Which they both considered to be a good thing. the set  was decorated with flowers and a random latter Jihoon climbed to take pictures. The sun was shining brighter than ever this time. Mashiho  desperately wanted the ac to  be turned up. It was getting hot. 

They were in the van. The photoshoot was successful and it was time for them to leave. He sat beside Haruto, who was talking with Asahi and Yoshi which were the people sitting behind them. He joined them in their complete slander of Asahi’s pre debut photos. He couldn’t blame them. These pictures were horrible. 

“Oh my god, I  just _know_ that’s not you.” Haruto gasped. Mashiho got into a fit of laughter. 

“I was like 8 in that picture give me a break.” Asahi chuckled in embarrassment.

It’s not like Haruto’s pre debut pictures were any better. The light from the sun was getting blocked by the black tinted windows the had. Which was such a shame. The weather was so refreshing. 

“I wish I could stop by at some park” he thought to himself, staring out the window.


	14. chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well shiiii i was busy with school work, what can i say?
> 
> song recommendation- lips on you by maroon 5

Mashiho watched as the other cars, trees and houses passed them by. The tinted windows stopped him from seeing things in their true colour. To his dismay, the manager would have him by the neck if he opened the window. The privacy of the members had to  be protected after all. People walked on the sidewalk, some walking their dogs. Smiles plastered onto their faces as they walked with their jogging gear. That left a smile onto Mashiho’s face. 

Jogging. When was the last time he went jogging? Outside of course.

He looked out the window again and the smile on his face fell.

Couples.

Mashiho rolled his eyes and sat straight in his chair. though the car moved passed them  quickly , it still stayed in his mind.

“i’ve had enough of couples.” He thought.

The weather felt nice and convenient outside, though he couldn’t see much. A thought dinged in his head and his eyes widened in realisation making his face light up. He stood up leaning on the chair in front of him for balance. Everybody had their eyes on him now. Cold air hit the back of his neck from the air conditioner behind him.

“Can we go to the park?” He asked. The manager looked up from his phone and craned his neck to look back at him with a questioning look. 

“The park?” He said with his eyebrows raised. Mashiho looked back at him with the same sure look.

“Yeah.” Mashiho said, nodding  confidently . The manager looked back down at his phone and sighed, Mashiho could tell he was rolling his eyes.

“I don’t know if I’m allowed.” The manager said. Mashiho didn’t sit back down. He’ll only sit once he got an answer.

“Why? we don’t have any schedules anytime soon today.” Jeongwoo said from the back, backing up Mashiho’s argument. 

“ Really ?” The manager said opening his phone to check the schedules for the day.

“Yeah.” Jeongwoo said to him in a louder tone since he sat in the far back and the manager sat in the front. 

“When’s your next schedule?” He asked, trying to look back at him.

“It’s in like 1:30pm, it’s 11 o’clock now.” Jeongwoo said.

The manager looked back down on his phone with his brows knit together.  calculating whether he should follow with what Jeongwoo and Mashiho wanted, or stay in the van . 

“Well...” He said in a hesitant tone. Mashiho’s face lit up once he spoke, so did Jeongwoo and some of the other members. 

“Fine. We’ll go.” He said losing the hesitance in his voice.

“Yes!” Mashiho cheered to himself and sat back down,  fully satisfied. The members lost the bored, tired look on their faces and replaced it with excited ones. 

“Thank you!” Junkyu said from the back.

“You’re the best.” Jihoon called out. 

“But only for 15 minutes.” The manager turned his back to them and said in a tone telling them not to get their hopes up.

“We don’t mind” Jaehyuk said.  the manager got up from his seat in hesitant footsteps holding onto the seats for balance as he walked up to the driver and told him something Mashiho couldn’t quite hear . The van took a turn and started driving in a new route. 

After a while, his body was  slightly pushed forward as the driver hit the brakes beside green field with a small playground in the middle and a few exercise equipment on the side walk . People were running. Families had their matts on the field. A small smile appeared on Mashiho’s face. The cool breeze hit his skin once the van door opened and the sun’s warmth comforted him. Some of The members already were jogging up to the field, as he stood there letting his eyes roam around the park. Some of the other members were taking their own pace and speaking with one another.

After a little while, Mashiho went to the small lake further along the park on his own and sat on the edge playing with small pebbles in his hand . The light of the sun reflected off of the water making the lake glisten. Mashiho smiled at the beautiful atmosphere he  was surrounded in. The breeze was brushing against the tall trees making a rustling noise that was music to Mashiho’s ears. He took in a deep breath, savouring the moment, and breathed out in complete relaxation. The crunch of the leaves behind him told him that someone was coming. He kept looking down at his pebbles and minded his business. Until the footsteps stopped right behind him. Mashiho looked back to see who it was  just to look back down again when junkyu came into view. 

Junkyu sat beside him and said,

“Hey.” 

“Hey.” Mashiho replied, still looking down. 

Nothing much changed since Junkyu came. They stayed quiet, not saying a word to each other.

“So…you looked professional on the set today.” Junkyu said trying to break through the silence. 

Mashiho stifled a quiet laugh.

“Thanks. It’s what I  was trained to do.” He said.

“Oh.” Junkyu said after a while of contemplating what to say in his head. 

Looking away from his pebbles, Mashiho finally looked up at Junkyu.

“You usually have a whole lot of stuff to talk about. What’s wrong.” Mashiho asked, trying to get something out of him.

“Umm..” Junkyu looked from side to side not knowing what Mashiho wanted to hear. 

He stood up, leaving Junkyu on the ground. He extended a helping hand to him as he took his hand and stood up. Mashiho smiled at him and patted the side of his shoulder.

“Lighten up, you look stressed.”

“No I’m not stressed  just ….confused.” junkyu scoffed.

“About what.” Though Mashiho knew the answer, he didn’t want to say anything.

“Don’t be.”  He  simply stated, pressing his lips together, leaving Junkyu more confused than he already was

“I’m sorry for kissing you.” Junkyu muttered looking down at his shoes.

“What are you talking about? _i_ kissed you.” Mashiho scoffed. The voices of the members talking and laughing. Having fun. Became clearer.

“Well…it was  just a one time thing, of course.” Junkyu said laughing it off. Mashiho’s smile fell. Any look of hope on his face completely disappeared.

“Yeah.. of course.” He said trying to laugh. Junkyu slung his arm around his shoulder and they left the lake to go back to the members. 

_One time thing_

_Of course_

_What was I expecting._


	15. chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yoshi is the most socially awkward member. he can take all my uwus.
> 
> song recommendation- lose it by oh wonder (jerry folk remix)
> 
> this song goes so well with this chapter.

The schedules for the day finally ended, the sun was starting to set. Mashiho’s head kept on bumping up and down against the car window as it drove over the rough road. Purple, orange and pink decorated the sky and clouds. the sun, a flaming colour of orange starting to fade down. Mashiho’s eyelids felt heavy and he had to force his eyes open from time to time. His mind wanted to completely shut off, but his body didn’t want to allow it though it wanted some rest too. 

Hyunsuk was already fast asleep beside Mashiho. Silence surrounded the van as most people were asleep. The further the sun went down, the darker the van got.  After a while of fighting off the urge to sleep, Mashiho gave in and let his eyes rest, making his body lose the tension and go into a state of calmness . 

“Hey, we’re here.” A familiar drowsy voice called. 

His eyes opened to see the lights in the van opened making him wince. Hyunsuk was right in front of him rubbing his eyes. Mashiho got up from his chair and followed Hyunsuk out the van. Dusk was starting to engulf the once bright sky turning it a rich shade of navy. Orange streetlights reflected off the sidewalk.  Mashiho looked back at the van lights still open, and turned his head back entering the door after hyunsuk and the rest of the members . 

His eyes started to open up and feel more awake the more he walked. Sleep in his eyes already disappeared. He followed Yoshi who  was headed to their dorm, and got changed into a pair of grey baggy pyjamas. most of the members were in the living room talking, he could tell from the extra volume coming from there. Since he had nothing to do, he went into the living room with his members. they sat on the couch and some on the floor, so he sat on the corner of the couch resting his head on arm rest.

“He mashiho, back me up on this.” Yoshi. who was sitting on the floor, called out to him, Mashiho sat up on the couch as Yoshi showed him his poker game with Asahi. His brows joined together in confusion.

“You guys are gambling?” He asked.

“No we’re gambling cheeseballs not money, calm down.” Asahi chuckled.

“Oh.”

“Look, isn’t he cheating?” Yoshi told Asahi and pointed to Asahi’s  portion .

“I don’t know anything about poker.” Mashiho muttered  cluelessly .

“Mashiho, come on. Anyone with eyes can tell he’s cheating.”

“Ask Hyunsuk or something. Isn’t he like the best at this?” Mashiho suggested. Yoshi looked at him spaced out for second before turning his head and calling out to Hyunsuk.

“No he’s not cheating you’re  just bad at this.” Hyunsuk laughed. 

Mashiho left to the kitchen, his stomach felt almost hollow.

“Hey mashi, you should go to my dorm after a little.” Haruto  excitedly stopped him in his tracks.

“Ummm why?” 

“I made this sick beat and your voice would fit it so well.” He mused in excitement.

“Sure why not.” He said.

“Cool thanks.” Haruto said  quickly before running back to the living room. He grabbed a pack of chips and sat back down in the living room. Engaging in conversations was tiresome, so he  just stayed on the couch silent. Learning a new thing about poker from time to time.

“I should  probably see Haruto now.” An hour has passed since Haruto asked him to help with a thing he was making.  Pushing himself out of bed, he was now standing right in front of Junkyu and Haruto’s dorm, waiting for the right moment to enter the room . After a few seconds, Mashiho knocked the door hoping to god that Junkyu wasn’t in the room. The click of the door went off, catching Mashiho off guard. It opened faster than he thought it would.

Junkyu.

_“Fuck”_ he seethed in his head. 

Junkyu looked as surprised as Mashiho.  He made way for Mashiho and opened the door wider pressing his lips in a thin line extending his arm towards the room telling him to come in . 

When Mashiho was out of Junkyu’s view, he muttered “oh my god.” Under his breath  barely audible.

“I can hear you.” Mashiho called out to him.

“Umm.. what are you talking about, I didn’t say anything” Junkyu let out a hesitant chuckle. 

“Glad to see you’re not enjoying my company.” Mashiho raised his brows and pressed his lips together, clamping his hands together.

“Well..  you _did_ seem to enjoy my company earlier thi-“ before he could complete his sentence, Junkyu ran up to him and clamped a hand to his mouth stopping him from saying anything more . His eyes were wide open and Mashiho smiled against his palm.

“Umm.. guys?” Haruto said, standing at the door in confusion. 

Mashiho and Junkyu  abruptly turned their heads to Haruto, still in that same position with wide eyes . Mashiho’s heart skipped a beat out of fear when he heard Haruto at the door.

“What more did he hear?” He thought. 

Haruto walked up to his chair in front of his keyboard. Junkyu joined them and sat on the floor beside Mashiho. He rolled his eyes when he saw Junkyu beside him. Haruto pressed his finger on a key creating a click sound which started the music.

“That’s sick. Damn.” Mashiho said in amusement. 

“Thanks, I had Asahi help me with it. I can’t compose music for shit.” He scoffed, staring at his screen and clicking random buttons.

“Hey don’t you think you should use an extra instrument?” Junkyu got up on his knees and leaned forward to Haruto’s chair.

“You know what,  I think you’re right.” Haruto muttered.

Junkyu held onto Haruto’s knees and stayed discussing with Haruto. Mashiho watched the both of them with a brow raised, heart starting to light up on fire.

“With Mashiho’s voice it would be better.” Haruto said.

“Yeah…you’re right” Junkyu muttered, and got up grabbing the LED light remote and turned it on purple.

“What was that for?” Haruto asked giving his full attention to his screen.

“You know. To set up the mood.”

He sat back down on the floor but laid straight on his back and rested his head on Mashiho’s thigh. His heart took a massive leap forward when he saw Junkyu’s face smiling back at him. breathing now became shorter. Heat starting to swarm his face. thanks to the lighting, Junkyu couldn’t see how he can make his face cherry red in seconds. He gave in and started playing with Junkyu’s hair. 

_God damn you Kim Junkyu._


	16. chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this chapter was fun 😗✌️
> 
> song recommendation- me and you by cassie (witchcraft remix)

Purple lighting matched well with both of their moods. Very mysterious, ironic, and curious colour. It’s not blue nor is it pink. It’s not happy nor it sad. The purple lighting felt poetic. Mashiho ran his finger through Junkyu’s silky black hair. shivers going up and down Junkyu’s spine whenever he felt Mashiho’s fingers on his scalp.

The atmosphere felt quiet and hollow. It was only him and Junkyu now. Haruto’s clicking on the keyboard began to fade out and the room started to feel dead silent. His lips lifted into a hesitant small smile. with his smile getting a little wider the more he got to appreciate the Side of Junkyu's face under that light. he tried to mute down his smile, he wanted to hide his smile from him. His heart started to beat faster, a wave of comfort crashed onto him. warmth spread through both of their bodies. leaving them in a state of relaxation, as the strong beating of their hearts become more comfortable to them .

He cuddled closer to Mashiho, the sent of sweet smelling perfume on him made his heart take a leap. Junkyu turned his head to Mashiho, looking at him blankly with a thousand thoughts in his head mainly consisting of what and why .

Mashiho looked back at him, lost in his hypnotising gaze. His body tensed up from its calm state. looking at him made it hard to try and forget about him. so he tried to continue what he was doing from before and try to act normal. his hesitant hand extended with his breath hitching in his throat, contemplating whether he should stop or not in his head. When his fingers touched Junkyu’s forehead, the electricity started to spread through from that simple touch .

Junkyu took a breath in and held it there. He pushed his hair back in a slow pace. Junkyu’s face began to heat up, he hoped Mashiho couldn’t feel the heat too. After a few seconds, Mashiho smiled and ruffled hair. Trying to clear the tension. Though Junkyu’s expression remained the same.

“Guys?”

They turned their heads to Haruto who was looking at them with a raised brow. He looked at him then at Junkyu.

“Our song?”

They left each other’s embrace and stood up, not looking each other in the eye. The warmth evaporated once Mashiho left Junkyu. It felt almost cold.

“So what am i supposed to sing?” He asked, clearing his throat trying to sound normal again.

Haruto got up from his seat in front of the keyboard.

“Here take my spot.”

Mashiho looked at him for a second and huffed out a breath before taking his spot on the chair and put the headphones over his head .

“You don’t have to sing lyrics, just sing a melody.” Haruto told him. He nodded at him and adjusted the headphones. He began singing a melody he found from the top of his head into the mic set up in front of him.

“Wooow that was nice.” Haruto mused as Mashiho smiled back at him. He got up and Haruto sat back down on his chair.

The floor was cold and hard, he didn’t want to feel colder than he already felt. so he sat on the lower bunk leaving Junkyu on the ground. He didn’t look back at him or try to reclaim his bed he just sat there talking with Haruto, staying focused with the song. And maybe It was for the best. Mashiho wasn’t in the right state to see Junkyu. He snuggled in the bed trying to catch that lost moment of warmth back and feel comfort again.

“Gather yourself together.” He noted to himself in his head.

“Did the articles finally stop?” He thought.

These past few days, he’s been trying to ignore his phone as much as he could. The pressure from rereading the articles and finding new ones was distracting. Although, throughout the days, the articles started to get less and less. Hopefully , it would all stop and be old news.

“What is junkyu to you?” These thoughts became another person asking him questions rather than himself. he huffed out a breath and rolled his eyes. it left him frustrated.

“Nothing. He’s nothing to me. Just a friend.”

_Really?_

“Where’s my mind?” He rhetorically asked himself as he turned in the bed.

Junkyu turned his head to see mashiho, but all he saw was his back turned to him as he laid in his bunk.

“Mashiho?” He called out to him hoping to grasp his attention.

“Yeah?” He said still turning his back to him on the bed.

“Are you asleep?”

“No. Your room is just cold. Turn up the heat.”

He didn’t want to face Junkyu. Everything was confusing as it already was. Junkyu was more confusing.

He heard footsteps come from behind him and he already guessed it was Junkyu.

“You can sleep on my bed if you want.” He offered.

“No thanks.” He called out, turning his face to see Junkyu looking at him confused, looking almost sympathetic .

“Why the long face?” He asked blankly , scanning Junkyu.

“Are you mad at me?”

“Please stop asking me that question.” Mashiho chuckled.

Junkyu extended a hand to him and he took it and got up.

“What time Is it?” He called out to Haruto.

“Its 6.” He answered.

“Haven’t we been here for longer?”

“Nope. Only 15 minutes.”

“Oh.” Mashiho muttered. Time was a whole scam.

“It felt like an hour in here.”

_Because junkyu made you feel that way._

His face heated up and his eyes widened when that thought popped up In his head.

But it was no lie.

_Junkyu made him feel that way._


	17. chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i posted up my jaesahi story yall 😭😭
> 
> song recommendation - goddess by jaira burns

It’s been a week and both of them  successfully managed to avoid each other. There were times where they had to interact. Of course. They live with each other after all. Yoshi left the heat turned all they way up in their room. He laid on his bed, hands under his head staring into the distance. It was only him in the room. Yoshi left with some of the members to go shopping. To his luck Junkyu left with them too. Adjusting wasn’t coming by easy. Everything still confused him to no end.

“Do I  really like him?” He thought to himself to try and get his mind up and running to tell him that he doesn’t  really like him after all.

“ I feel comfortable with him. Yeah.... well. He _is_ my friend.”

He turned to his side with his face twisted in a quizzical look.

“Is that a friend thing? Liking them. As a phase. It exists right?” 

He raised his brows at the thought. It might be real.

“Is junkyu feeling the same way?”

That’s what puzzled him. Junkyu is  horribly oblivious. It  just might  be mixed signals or something. Junkyu  is known to do that.

“No he can’t be _that_ dumb.”

He excused.

“He did seem  really into me in the bathrooms last week.”

When that thought came up in his head, he sighed and laid his back straight up, covering his heated face with his hands .

“I mean. He is  really sweet and… _nice_. Who wouldn’t like him?”

He thought with a small smile surfacing his face.

“I didn’t really just think that.” 

He shook his head at his previous thought. Keeping track of his thoughts wasn’t a simple task. Millions of thoughts would enter his head at a time.

“What does he think of _me_?” 

That thought dimmed any bit of hope on his face. Mashiho never cared about what others thought of him. Not even one bit. Junkyu was  just different. He wasn’t  just anyone. He was Junkyu.

Mashiho had enough of the survey he made in his head, and got up to the living room.  When he got there, he found Hyunsuk sitting on the couch criss-crossed with glasses on, holding his laptop in his lap . He was  fully focused on it, he was typing something on it. The noise the keyboard made whenever he clicked it was distinctive. 

“Hey.” Mashiho said as he walked up to the couch, sitting right across Hyunsuk.

He looked up at him from his laptop screen with his brow raised and looked back down at it when he saw it was Mashiho.

“Hey.” He replied. The screen reflected off his glasses. Mashiho could see he was typing on the word document.

“So I want your advice on something.” Mashiho told him as he put his legs up on the couch and got comfortable. Hyunsuk shut his laptop closed and pushed it to the side, clamping his hands together.

“Sure.”

“So what do you do when you’re interested in a person, and it’s been kind of… on and off, but you’re not sure if they like you. You’re not sure if you _actually_ like them either. “

Hyunsuk squinted his eyes at him and raised his brow.

“So you want that advice for _you_?” He asked.

Mashiho looked at him raising his brows, blinking twice trying to think of a good excuse in the 2 seconds that he had.

“No! Um…it’s for…uh. My cousin! w-we’re  really close. So she tells me all this. So she’s…uh…confused.” He said.

“Oh.” Hyunsuk said in realisation.

“Yeah. The guy is  _ really _ oblivious.” He scoffed.

“I would say she should confront him about it. If it bothers her that much, then she should talk to him and see what he thinks of he.” Hyunsuk said. These words would’ve been a good thing to go by.  Just not in Mashiho’s case.

“No you don’t get it. She doesn’t want to ruin her relationship with him. They work together. So it would be  _ really _ awkward if it didn’t turn out right.” He said, trying to not make it sound specific to him.

“Then they should end their on and off relationship.” Hyunsuk said. Mashiho’s heart dropped to his stomach and His face fell.

“You think so?” He muttered.

“Yeah.” Hyunsuk said. 

“But she doesn’t want to  just _f-forget_ about it! These moments were  really _precious_ to her. It wouldn’t be fair to j-just end it!” He said, starting to get defensive.

“Woah calm down. why are you getting mad for her?” Hyunsuk laughed.

_Because there’s no ”she”, its been me all along._

“We’re kinda close” he chuckled staring at the floor thinking about what Hyunsuk said.

“How is she not sure about how she feels for him? She’s  clearly in love.” Hyunsuk said, chuckling as he raised his brows in astonishment.

Mashiho’s eye’s widened and his brows joined together in disbelief.

_“She’s in love with him?!”_


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall check out my jaesahi story, it's on wattpad too on @walmart-gang purr 😌💕💕
> 
> song recommedation- nothing breaks like a heart by mark ronson ft. miley cyrus

“She loves him?!”

“Ummmm….yeah, I guess.” Hyunsuk said, not expecting such a reaction from him.

“But she can’t like him.” Mashiho said looking down to the floor still trying to figure it out himself.

“Dude why’re you getting so mad right now?” Hyunsuk laughed.

“I just don’t get it.” Mashiho said, shaking his head. Trying to neutralise his expression.

“Are you like….in love with your cousin or something?” Hyunsuk said squinting his eyes at him thinking that he was onto something. Mashiho looked at him in disbelief.

“I- no!” He said in disgust.

“Did they have a one night stand or something? Is that why she doesn’t want to get over it?” Hyunsuk asked. Heat traveled to Mashiho’s face as soon as he said that. He could tell his face was cherry red so he burried his face in his hands.

“Fuck no!” He yelled, his voice sounding muffled due to his hands.

“You don’t understand, she doesn’t love him.” He said trying to shake it off.

“Doesn’t love who?” the front door clicked open as someone spoke from there. They turned their heads to the front door to see Junkyu holding a milkshake in his hand and bags In the other.

“Oh he was-“ hyunsuk said.

“Nothing! I-it’s nothing.” Mashiho interrupted him as soon as he spoke. He got up from his spot and left to his room.

Junkyu gave hyunsuk a look and Hyunsuk shrugged. He didn’t know either. The members came in the door after Junkyu.

Mashiho got into his bed and covered his face with his pillow in embarrassment.

“I’m stupid.” he said with the pillow muffling his voice.

He regrets ever asking Hyunsuk anything. Removing the pillow from his face, he sat straight up in his bed with a blank look.

“Never ask for advice _ever_ again.” He thought.

“Go to the living room. You’ll look suspicious.” He instructed himself in his head. not looking too sure about. He took a breath in. Then out. he gave himself a determined look and a nod of insurance. The amount of volume coming from the living room was nerve wracking. All the members must be there then.

As he thought. All the members were in the living room. Including Junkyu.

He rolled his eyes and stepped forward, sitting on the couch. Turning his head, he found junkyu looking at him wearing a hoodie with the hood on. Their faces froze and they turned their heads back as soon as they looked at each other. Junkyu was picking at the fuzzy pillow on his lap. Mashiho got up from the couch and joined some of the members in the kitchen. His eyes trailed him as he left.

“What are you guys making?” Mashiho asked when he entered the kitchen trying to start up a conversation. his expression changed into disgust when he looked at the pot Doyoung was cooking on.

“I have _zero_ idea.” Yedam muttered as he watched doyoung cook with concern.

“It’s called a mushroom salad, you guys have no taste.” Doyoung scoffed while he stirred the mushrooms in the pot. Yedam and Mashiho looked at each other with their brows joined cringing.

“ Basically you cook the mushrooms. Mix it up with some lettuce and you eat it. Apparently they eat it in America or something.” Doyoung explained when he saw that they didn’t get anything from what he said. Mashiho’s lip curled up as he shook his head.

“What are you guys making?” Someone muttered from behind Mashiho.

“mushroom salad or someth-“ he said. His sentence was cut short when he turned around and saw that Junkyu was the one asking the question. He looked back at him blankly and walked to the pantry.

“Guys! We have a paper taped to the outside of our door!” Hyunsuk announced as more members came to the living room. He snatched the paper from the front door and closed it.’

“What is it an eviction notice?” Jihoon snorted as he made his way with the rest of the members beside Hyunsuk to read the paper. Hyunsuk’s brows joined together when he continued reading the paper.

“So what is it?” Junkyu asked with his hands in his pockets. Hyunsuk looked up from the paper and said,

_“It’s new dorm arrangements.”_


	19. chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm hoping that treasure avoids wattpad and ao3 like the plague 💀🤚
> 
> song recommedation - sick thoughts by lewis blissett

“It’s new dorm arrangements”

Mashiho’s eyes widened once that statement left Hyunsuk’s mouth. A pang of surprise hit Junkyu’s heart. The  dimly lit atmosphere which was once calming, now turned nerve wracking.

“What do you mean?” Junkyu asked  slowly with a skeptical look. Hyunsuk gave the paper to Junkyu to look at. He snatched the paper from Hyunsuk's hand and read its contents with a grain of salt. His brows  were furrowed as he read through the paper. Mashiho’s hand tensed and bit the inside of his cheek taking a deep breath in. Junkyu read through the paper fast,  just looking for where he belonged in the dorms. The members stopped to look at him read the paper. Mashiho now depended his fate on Junkyu’s reaction to the dorm arrangements.

“Yedam, Asahi, Jaehyuk, Junghwan” he read the paper in his mind.

He wasn’t there.

“Jihoon, Hyunsuk, Doyoung, Jeongwoo” 

Not there either.

_Finally._

His dorms

“Mashiho, Yoshi, Haruto, Junkyu”

He bit his lips with his shoulders falling and looked to the side when he saw Mashiho’s name in his dorms. He gave the paper back to Hyunsuk and walked to the couch and sat on it with a blank look on his face. he focused his eyes on the floor while the other members talked between themselves.

“I’m with _him_ aren’t I?” Mashiho thought. He thought that the only valid reason for his sudden reaction would be because he was in the same dorm as him. Mashiho huffed out a breath and made his way into the kitchen.

_“Guys listen!_ ” Hyunsuk announced. Everyone’s eyes turned to him.

“The dorm arrangements are. Yedam, Asahi, Jaehyuk, and Junghwan. Jihoon, me, Doyoung, and jeongwoo. Mashiho, Yoshi, Haruto, and Junkyu.” He said to everyone. Like it needed to  be repeated to Junkyu and Mashiho.

“It also says that ……we’ll be moving to another place….in 2 days?” He said, losing confidence in the words written on the paper when it came to the last part. His brows furrowed in confusion as he inspected the paper to see if it was a mistake. The members didn’t look too sure about it either. Mashiho raised his brows and Junkyu’s eyes widened at the sentence.

“We’ll be moving to another place?” Mashiho asked.

“ Apparently …” Hyunsuk said still inspecting the paper for some sort of mistake.

“Wait a second, let me call Sanghoon real quick..” He muttered as he pulled out his phone from his pocket. He put the phone on speaker. The ringing noise went off as they waited for their manager to pick up. They had their ears out for the phone call.

“Hey, Hyunsuk. What’s up?” Sanghoon said, as the driving of his car made its self prominent, making it clear that he was driving. Hyunsuk had a hand on his hips, once sanghoon picked up the call his eyes sparked in realisation.

“Um hey. what’s up with the new dorm arrangements?” He asked biting his lips with his brows joined together.

“Oh yeah. so you got the paper?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

“ Basically you guys are moving to yg’s new dorm building.” He said.

“What? _Why?”_ Hyunsuk asked with his face deepening with confusion.

“I don’t know. The company thought it was best.”

“Oh. Okay.”

‘You guys have to pack up your things. You’ll be out in two days.” He said.

“Yup okay. Bye.” Hyunsuk said and ended the call, huffing out a disappointed breath then looked at the members.

“You heard him, get to packing.” He said and left to his own room to pack.

The members looked at each other in a skeptical look. Junkyu  just stayed there on the couch still eyeing down the floor. Mashiho breathed out and left to his room to try and pack like the manager said. 

“Hey Mashiho.” Yoshi said as he caught up to him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Are you happy about the news?” He asked.

“I’m..”  He said, his sentence  was cut short when he thought about Junkyu, and started staring at the distance for a few seconds .

“I’m _fine_ with it.” He continued and snapped out of it when he saw that Yoshi was looking at him weird.

“I’m kinda happy about it.” Yoshi mused with a smile.

“We get to have bigger rooms and it would be so much fun!” He said as the smile plastered on his face grew bigger.

“You got a point.” Mashiho snorted as he picked up things from the floor. He tried to sound enthusiastic, he didn’t want to discourage him.

“Ugh I’m so excited.” Yoshi said, picking up things from his bed.

Mashiho stood up straight and thought,

_“I should go speak with Junkyu.”_

He left his dorm and stood outside Junkyu and Haruto’s dorm, knocking the door

“Come in!” He heard Junkyu call out from the other side of the door.  He opened the door and Junkyu immediately shifted his eyes onto him from the blanket he was folding, then looked back down .

“Can I speak with Junkyu in private?” Mashiho asked haruto. Junkyu peaked at the both of them. Haruto looked up at him with his brows raised and said,

“Oh okay. Do you want me to get out?” He pointed his thumb at the door.

“No that’s fine.” He said and walked up to Junkyu and grabbed his arm pulling him out towards the door with him.

_“Hey what was that for?”_ He said.

“ Just come with me.” Mashiho muttered back to him. He led them to a white lit storage room and closed the door after them, resting his hands on his hips.

_“So_ ….about the dorms.” Mashiho said.

“What about the dorms?” He replied with his hands tucked in the pockets of his grey hoodie.

“We’re in the same dorm.”

_“And?”_ Junkyu said.

“I don’t want us to be awkward” Mashiho sighed.

“We’re not awkward.” He scoffed.

_“yes._ We are.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Junkyu said as he tried to make his way to the door, already done with their conversation. Mashiho grabbed onto his hands and pulled him towards him, away from the door. Butterflies flew through Junkyu’s stomach when Mashiho touched his hand. Mashiho’s eyes widened when he realised what he did.  They looked into each other’s eyes  blankly and Mashiho  abruptly let go of his hand when he finally freed himself from his gaze .

“We’re _not awkward_ Mashiho.”

“We’re gonna  literally live with each other, there’s no use trying to deny it.” Mashiho said, emphasising the words to try and get them through Junkyu’s thick skull.

“Let’s  just not deny everything and get through it and…forget about it.” He said, muttering the last part. A pang hit Junkyu’s heart when he heard the phrase “forget about it.”

“Yeah, y-you’re right. Let’s  just … _forget about it._ ” He muttered back with his brows furrowed.

The thing was.

Neither of them just simply wanted to,

_Forget about it._


	20. chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is slowburn realness 😌
> 
> song recommendation- okay by jackson wang

Mashiho had his hands resting on his hips as he looked down at the floor biting his the inside of his cheek. the voices of the members from outside the storage room door sounded muffled. He looked back up at Junkyu with a smile.

“That’s right. We should forget about it.”  He said, his heart dropping when he said that again, but he still maintained his smile for the sake of not being awkward . Junkyu looked back at him and said,

“Yeah….um…” he looked down at the floor, not sure what Mashiho wanted to hear from him.

“So we don’t have to be awkward.” Mashiho said.

“Everything can be like how it used to.” Junkyu muttered with his hand in the pocket of his grey hoodie, looking down at the floor. his heart felt heavy from their conversation, he couldn’t force himself to smile at Mashiho.

“Yeah, exactly.” Mashiho went in for a handshake, Junkyu looked up at him and took his hand as they smiled at each other 

“We should go pack.” Junkyu said with a small smile, Mashiho  hesitently nodded, starting to lose his smile. they headed towards the door.  Junkyu left immediately to his room with his smile wiped off his face since mashiho wasn’t there to see him anymore . He opened the door to his dorm. Haruto looked up at him and asked

“So what were you guys talking about?” He went back to folding some of his clothes in his navy suitcase. Junkyu went straight to his bed and had his back facing Haruto as he looked at the blank wall in front him.

“that's private.” He muttered back to him. Haruto looked up at him with his brows raised and went back to folding his clothes.

“Sorry.” He chuckled.

“It’s fine.” Junkyu muttered back.

Mashiho went to his dorm to continue his packing. Yoshi was collecting his paintings off the walls and paid no attention to him when he came. He huffed out a breath to collect himself together and started folding his clothes.

“I took Hyunsuk’s advice after all.” He thought to himself.

He took a pile of clothes out of his closet and put it on his bed as he folded them one by one in his black suitcase. the new dorms had been in his mind for what felt like forever. Hyunsuk didn’t seem to look too happy about it either. He filled up his black suitcase and dragged it out to the living room, leaving it there. he looked around the living room. There was Jihoon and Doyoung filling up boxes with pots and plates. Couches now had boxes on them not leaving much space for him to sit. When he turned around to go back to his dorm, he saw Haruto in his way.

“Umm hi?” He said.

“What did you tell Junkyu?” He asked. A pang hit Mashiho’s heart in surprise.

“What would make him ask that question?” He thought.

“That’s private.” He said as he tried to walk past him.

_“Come on_ I’m curious.” Haruto whined. Mashiho stopped in his tracks and sighed.

“It was nothing.” He said before he left to his room.

“Why wouldn’t they tell me?” Haruto muttered to himself.

Junkyu dragged himself out of bed and towards the bright red suitcase in front of him. His expression was blank and bored, his head  was filled with a million different thoughts.

“Why am I even upset?” He  rhetorically muttered to himself. the room was too bright for him. He had no energy to pack at all. Grabbing some clothes form his closet, he started folding over and over. Not thinking of anything. He wanted to  just fold clothes until he felt numb. He stared at the white wall toward him, not even paying attention to the clothes he was folding. 

The click of the door snapped him out of his head, as he looked up at Haruto in front of the door. He walked in and went back to packing.

“Why aren’t neither of you guys telling me?” Haruto said.

“Tell you what?” Junkyu muttered, now looking down at the clothes as he folded them in a sloppy way.

“What you and Mashiho were talking about.” Junkyu stopped folding and stared at the distance.

“You asked him?” Junkyu scoffed.

"yeah."

“That's none of your business.” He said, going back to his folding.

“I know I know.” he chuckled and leaned back in his chair.

“It was boring anyways.  just some... _work stuff”_ He said, trying to dismiss Haruto's curiosity as Haruto chuckled.

“Why would he say that?” Junkyu went back to staring at the wall and thinking about Mashiho with his brows furrowed. He shook his head and looked back down.

He got up and went out to the living room, looking around for someone. He saw some of the members fill up boxes. He rolled his eyes and turned his head when he didn’t see Mashiho there. Right as he turned around, he saw Mashiho dragging a suitcase after him. Mashiho looked up at him with his brows raised and continued walking. He set up the suitcase beside the couch and was on his way back to his dorm. Junkyu stood in his way and he stopped. He wasn’t  really sure what he wanted with Mashiho.

“Uh hi…first your roommate then _you._ ” Mashiho chuckled.

“Hey.” Junkyu said flashing a sheepish smile.

“Junkyu what are you doing?” Mashiho sighed, dropping his shoulders and losing his smile, looking at him with dead eyes.

“ Just making sure we’re not awkward.” Junkyu said with a smile in his fake enthusiasm.

_“Oh my god.”_ Mashiho sighed as he walked past him.

“Yup we’re _not_ awkward.” He thought.

“Ugh w _hat am I doing?”_ He thought, dropping his enthusiasm.

_Why does it matter_

_It doesn’t matter_

_It never mattered to me._

_he never mattered._


	21. chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😸✌️
> 
> song recommendation- noir by sunmi

“Wake up.” Mashiho heard a voice call out to him. He covered his face with his blanket to try and avoid it. The curtains were  fully opened and the sound of people talking came from the living room. He had no choice but to get up and let his sleepiness go away by itself.

“Mashiho wake up. We’re going to move out.” Yoshi said again, trying to get him out of bed.

_“I’m up I’m up.”_ Mashiho murmured as he sat up in his bed rubbing his puffy eyes. He gathered himself up to the bathroom and brushed his teeth and got out, still in his pyjamas. The living room had most of the members in it, who were also still in heir pyjamas.  He put his hands on his hips and looked around at them with his eyes squinted open, trying to adjust himself to the light . The curtains there were also all open, the place was loud, and moving to new dorms wasn't exactly on top of his “to do” list. What a great time to  be pissed and tired.

“Mashiho, come on eat some breakfast.” Jihoon said as he passed him by. He looked at him as he left to the kitchen and opened the fridge, he figured he should go there as well. He grabbed a banana off the table and peeled it open and took a bite.

“Guys get dressed, the bus will be here in a few minutes.” Jihoon announced to the members. Mashiho made his way to room to get dressed. The place  was filled with boxes and most of the things that used to be there were gone. It looked like it was  freshly rented. Most of the things in his dorm was either gone or put away. He opened his closet and got black sweatpants and a black sweatshirt. They were  just moving to some place, he didn’t have to tire himself even more to look for something fancy.

After 30 minutes of waiting in the living room for the bus, Jihoon received a call from their manager. They all looked at at his phone once it rung, he picked up the phone.

“Hey.” he started the conversation.

“Hey, the bus is here.” the manager replied.

“Okay, thanks.” He said before ending the call and looked at the members, facing them.

“Guys come on the bus’s here!” He announced and stepped up to the couch to grab his backpack and suitcase. Mashiho grabbed his two suitcases and dragged them behind him. Before he can get to the door and leave to the bus, one of his suitcases  was taken away. He looked back with his brows furrowed. It was Junkyu. He rolled his eyes and snatched his suitcase away from him. Again, Junkyu took back the suitcase. 

_“What’s your problem?”_ Mashiho said.

“ Just let me _help_ you.” Junkyu argued pointing at the black suitcase.

“I can help _myself_.” He said before taking the suitcase away from him and faced forward.

“Ugh.” Junkyu said before taking the suitcase and getting out the door before Mashiho could. Mashiho scoffed and rolled his eyes at him in disbelief. He continued walking out the door dragging only one suitcase behind him now. He got on the  brightly lit up elevator and stood next to Junkyu looking to the side and shaking his head.

“Thanks.” He murmured. Junkyu looked at him and smiled, which Mashiho didn’t return.

“Your welcome.” The elevator dinged as it descended.

Once it opened Junkyu was the first person out. Most of the members were beside the bus as the driver put their suitcases in the trunk. Mashiho put his suitcase beside the bus and boarded it. He was one out of two people sitting there, he looked out the tinted windows at his members. The bus was huge, he was looking at them like he was on some sort of high pedestal.

His peace of mind  was disturbed when he heard rushing footsteps on the bus. He  abruptly turned his head to the sound to find Junkyu running through the bus and taking the seat beside him. He ran to that spot like he made sure no one got there before him. Mashiho rolled his eyes and looked back at the window.

Junkyu snuggled his head on Mashiho’s shoulder and closed his eyes, ready to sleep. Mashiho turned his head to him with his eyes wide open.

“Junkyu what are you doing?” He said.

“Trying to sleep.” He answered shortly.

“Why are you sleeping on my shoulder?” 

“Practising _not being awkward.”_ He said as he snuggled closer.

_“Oh my god._ ” Mashiho sighed.

He had no choice but to take it since he was the person that started the whole “not awkward" thing. Backing out now and acting awkward would be stupid.

But Junkyu didn’t stop there.

He tied his arm around Mashiho’s waist and got closer, if that was even possible anyways. The butterflies erupted in Mashiho’s stomach as he sucked in a breath.

_“Junkyu what are you doing?”_ He said through gritted teeth. But Junkyu ignored him like he was actually asleep.

“I  just want things to go back to normal.” Junkyu thought.

They both did,

But the question is

Are they ready for that?


	22. chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY HALLOWEEN BITCHESSS 🥳 i wanted to be draculaura but i'm poor.
> 
> song recommendation- crash by neovaii

“Guys! Wake up!” A voice called out from the front of the bus to him. His eyes fluttered open  just to  be closed shut when the bright bus lights made contact with his eyes.  When he tried to get up, he felt someone holding onto him, he groaned and looked to his side with his brows joined together . Junkyu held onto his waist as he was fast asleep with no care whatsoever.  Mashiho's eyes widened, he felt more awake now, he swatted Junkyu away from him and rushed out the bus leaving him there on his own and confused . Junkyu watched as he left out the bus after the members.  He looked to the side and let out a sigh, watching him grab his luggages from the tinted window which was  mostly reflecting him . 

“ Maybe I was too much.” He muttered to himself and got up when he finally mustered up the courage to leave the bus. 

Though he didn’t have much time to, he needed to get out before the driver drove off. Dusk was starting to engulf the sky turning it a rich shade of dark blue, not yet a true night sky. even though it was starting to get warm, a cool breeze brushed against his skin once he exited the bus.  His hair flowed with the breeze as he continued walking to the back of the bus to collect his luggages and help with moving some of the things they could fit in the trunk, like some boxes and things . 

Some of the staff gave them a hand with the things so they didn’t have to worry too much. He felt worn out though he  really didn’t do anything to make him feel tired at all. The night sky was starting to get darker the more time they spent outside. He took a quick glance at Mashiho. It was dark so he couldn’t  really see his face. But he was certain it was Mashiho. He could recognise him anywhere. His heart took a leap and he  simply smiled to himself.

“We’re  just friends.” He thought with that same smile on his face. The luggages were all out of the trunk now. Now it was their only job was to collect them. Colors of blue, black, red and more dimmed under the current lighting. He walked up to his luggage and held its handle.

The recent memory of Mashiho on the bus made him take a stop. His face twisted in confusion, his brows furrowed and his eyes seemed lost. as if they were  subconsciously looking for something specific.

Then another memory took its place.

_That night._

_In his and Haruto’s room._

_Under the violet purple lighting._

A foolish smile surfaced his face. He was  totally lost in that memory. The strong grip he once had when he thought about the previous memory now loosened. Butterflies in his stomach started to multiply and spread throughout his body. Once it hit his heart, he noticed.

“Ugh what is happening?” He thought to himself, losing the smile he once had on his face. Instead replacing it with a confused look.

“Junkyu?” Doyoung called out to him.

He snapped out of it and turned his head  abruptly to the rest of the members who were now all ahead of Him and looking back at him with weird looks . Instead, Mashiho was the one who caught his eyes once he looked at them. He was looking at him like  all of them. But Junkyu couldn’t help but think that there was something behind that look.

“Uh..im coming!” He said.

They turned their backs and continued walking towards the building. The bus was long gone now. Explains why the heaving car engine was so silent now, because the bus was gone. He walked after them and entered the comfortably dimly lit building. 

“Yeah yeah i’ll get you the key,  just wait a minute.” A woman at the front desk said to the manager after he asked her about the key. He sat down at a chair against the wall where Yedam Junghwan and Haruto sat down next to him. His eyes roamed around the place, trying to get himself used to the new ordeal. While he was doing that, he saw Mashiho asking the woman at the front desk something. Once she answered he left somewhere. After 5 seconds of contemplating in his head, he decided to follow him through the halls. 

Mashiho was out of his sight now, but he had a pretty clear idea of where he went.

The bathrooms. 

He leaned against the wall, waiting for him to get out of the stall.

He was out.

“Uh…hey.” Mashiho said, with his brows furrowed and his lip  slightly curled up. His hands  were tucked in the pocket of his black hoodie, and the hood was on. He walked up to the sink and started washing his hands.

“Hey…um. I’m sorry about earlier.” Junkyu said. Mashiho looked at him through the mirror then looked back down at the sink.

“What are you sorry about?” He muttered as he washed his hands.

“You know…what happened at the bus.” He said, trying to avoid the specifics.

“What happened at the bus?” Mashiho muttered back grabbing a towel from the towel dispenser.

“When I uh….slept on you.”

“I didn’t mind.” Mashiho said and tried to make his way out.

“No but when you woke up you… _you got away_ …as fast as possible.” Junkyu said with his brows furrowed.

Mashiho stopped in his tracks and turned his back to him.

“Junkyu not _everything_ is your fault.” He said in a slight stern voice as he shook his head and turned back around.

_“But it is!”_ He said back. The way Mashiho wasn’t even mad confused him, it left him dumbfounded. He wanted him to be mad, he didn’t expect a reaction like that.

But  truly ,

_Junkyu was just trying to find someone to blame._

_someone to blame for how he was feeling._

_He didn’t have the heart to blame Mashiho, he couldn’t._

****

****

**_So he had to blame himself._ **


	23. chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is late 👁👁
> 
> song recommendation- living island by pogo slowed

Mashiho’s heart started to beat fast at the mention of that time in the bus. It would be over for him if Junkyu heard his heartbeat. The hoodie over his head created a shadow over his flush face as he looked at Junkyu in a questioning look.

_“But it is!”_ He said in frustration.

“No it’s not” mashiho said sternly .

“I made you uncomfortable, you should be mad right now.” Junkyu said with his face painted in confusion.

“But you didn’t!” Mashiho said. He had no idea why Junkyu was being so serious about this.

“Why aren’t you mad at me?” He sighed with a sympathetic look on his face.

“Im mad at _myself_ , not you.” Mashiho said, a few seconds after that blurted out of his mouth he was starting to realise exactly what he said.

“W-what?” Junkyu asked.

“Never mind…forget what I said.” Mashiho said and looked down at the ground, biting his tongue from what he said earlier.

“ Just know it’s not your fault.” He muttered as he walked out of the bathrooms.

"and stop blaming yourself.” He turned his head to Junkyu then left out the door.

Junkyu felt so confused. Why would Mashiho blame himself? Wouldn’t it be easier to just blame him? He stood in the cool lit bathrooms, thinking about the conversation and rethinking about the thing on the bus to try and find where it was Mashiho’s fault .

_“I’m mad at myself for missing you….and enjoying it.”_ Mashiho thought. He thinks reminding himself of the truth without any filters could help him get rid of his feelings for Junkyu . But admitting the truth only made him fall even more for him. the halls were really random, and he didn’t have them memorised. But it didn’t matter, as long as he didn’t have to face Junkyu anymore, he was fine.

Junkyu left the bathrooms and got back to the members. He sat back down beside Haruto and craned his neck to rest his head against the wall behind him. He closed his eyes to appear asleep. The confusion and frustration was too prominent for him to look normal. What a better way to fake sleep in this case. even though his eyes were closed , he could sense the movements of the people around him.

“Do you have the key?” He heard Sanghoon ask.

“ Just wait a minute.” The lady at the reception said hastily . He heard Sanghoon groan and walk back to the seats. Everything he saw was black since his eyelids were blocking his vision. He felt at peace just listening to them and not having to worry who was keeping an eye on him and who thought his behaviour was getting suspicious lately .

They all thought he was asleep so why bother focus on his behaviour.

“When are we gonna go?” He heard Mashiho ask, that’s when he tensed in his spot and focused on every word he said.

“In a second. They still need the key, and apparently something’s up with the place.” Yedam replied. Mashiho stayed silent after, making Junkyu wait for him to say something.

“By the way, do you know where Junkyu is?” Mashiho asked hesitantly . That’s when Junkyu got curious, he raised his brow and listened closely .

_“Why’s he looking for me?”_ He thought

“He’s here, he’s asleep.” Yedam answered Mashiho.

_“Oh.”_ He muttered.

Junkyu’s eyebrows joined together slightly when he heard him. It sounded almost like…disappointment.

“He would never be disappointed . I’m just overthinking.” he thought and shifted in his spot, trying to get more comfortable In It and less tense.

_Finally_

They’re in the new dorms. Mashiho stood there holding his backpack and stared at the place. Adjusting to change didn’t come by easy, so he wanted to try to adjust from now. The rest of the members walked past him and dropped their things on the floor.

“Where’s our dorm?” Yoshi asked Mashiho. He snapped out of it and turned his head to Yoshi.

“Umm.. I don’t know ask Haruto.” Mashiho said and walked off.

“Guys! listen! Guys-“ Hyunsuk said, trying to capture their attention.

_“Guys!”_ They all turned their heads to Hyunsuk, waiting for him to say something.

“Sanghoon just texted me.”

“He said that it’s random and we get to chose which room.” Hyunsuk announced.

Mashiho looked around and he saw the door to a room open, he walked there to see Haruto unpacking his things already . All things were ready. The beds. The closet. And Pretty much a lot of things were ready for them. He dragged his suitcases behind him and stopped as he dropped his backpack on one of the beds.

Yoshi followed into the room.

Then finally,

_Junkyu_


	24. chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i will never forgive netlfix for ruining alex strangelove. 👁💧👄💧👁
> 
> song recommendation - sick boy by the chainsmokers.

“Junkyu can you grab the boxes from outside?” Yoshi asked him as he took out his clothes from his suitcase. Junkyu nodded and left the room. Mashiho let out a breath of relief he was holding in since Junkyu entered the dorm. He looked around at the dorm and smiled.

“This should be fine. I should have no problem. whatsoever. Because me and Junkyu are _friends_ ” he thought to himself. That phrase played over and over again in his head. In means of trying to convince himself that Junkyu was  just  a friend to him. And nothing more. The mere fact that he had to remind himself, and force himself to look away from him made him even more angry at himself.

“Mashiho?” Haruto turned his head to him and asked. Mashiho snapped out of it and looked at him with his brows raised as he bit his lip in frustration he tried to hide.

“Are you okay?” He finished his sentence.

“Yeah!” Mashiho said. “Why wouldn’t I be?” He continued and tried to sound normal.

He grabbed his luggage and laid it on the ground and started taking things and clothes out of it. He folded them  neatly  outside of the suitcase and continued doing that. That’s when he felt like he finally got a grip on himself. He gave himself a nod of acceptance and kept going.

_“_ _Great_ I’m not thinking about him.” He thought to himself.

That was until Junkyu entered the room.

Mashiho stopped his folding and got tense. His heart started to light up on fire and his hands started to clamp up. He blinked twice and looked back at his clothes and tried to go back to folding them like how he used to.

“I brought the some of our boxes!” He announces as he put the box on the ground with a thud, right beside Mashiho. He took a deep breath and continued folding.

“Ugh stop thinking about him!” He thought, trying to convince his subconscious that Junkyu wasn’t special at all. But his subconscious thought about Junkyu most of the time.

“Guys can you help me put up some stuff?” Junkyu asked while he was trying to put up some things on the wall.

“I’ll help.” Haruto said and left his things to go help him. The room was much bigger than their previous dorms, it had a big space. Mashiho would’ve enjoyed it. Of course if only he wasn’t stuck with the person he  was supposed  to avoid. Nonetheless, he could get used to it. It only needs one of their many LED lights and it would be perfect!

When that thought entered his head, his eyes widened and his face started to heat up.

“Stop thinking about LED lights.” He scolded himself in his mind and shook his head.

That thought brought up the memory from Haruto and Junkyu’s old dorms. His failed attempt at trying to look normal. When him and Junkyu looked  happily  married for years.

He buried his face in his hands in embarrassment and shook his head.

“Mashiho are you okay?” Junkyu asked as he had a hand put up on the LED lights to keep them up. Great. How obvious could Mashiho get.

“Yep. I’m alright. Better than ever.” Mashiho said.

“I’m gonna go change.” He said and grabbed a pair of pyjamas from his suitcase and left to their bathroom.

Junkyu looked back at him as he went into the bathroom with curiosity and then looked back at what he was doing.

“I should stop thinking about him” Junkyu thought.

Mashiho left the bathroom with a white t-shirt and grey sweatpants. Since he didn’t have the luxury of going to sleep now, he went back to organising the room with the rest.

“Guys let’s talk, This is weird.” Yoshi said. The place stayed silent.

“Fine I’ll speak. My cousin has this girlfriend he  really  loves. Never  really  met her, but he talks about her like she’s some goddess. It’s so cute  honestly .” Yoshi said with smile as he chuckled to himself.

“I used to date someone when I was a trainee. It was a pretty long time ago. But I liked her so much, we ended it because she was busy and I was busy never talked to her ever since. Kinda forgot her name too.” Haruto chuckled. Mashiho and Junkyu stayed silent. Any conversation about love and relationships was the first things they avoided.

“What about you guys?” Yoshi asked since he saw none of them were saying anything.

“I never uh….was in a relationship…” Mashiho muttered, trying to keep his sentence short. He went back to what he was doing and avoided any further talk with them.

“Well, I once had a girlfriend.” Junkyu started. Mashiho looked at him in slight surprise and stopped what he was doing. He shook his head and went right back.

“We broke it off, but we  really  liked each other. I don’t Think I’ve liked anyone ever since.” He continued. Mashiho stopped in his tracks and his face fell. His heart plunged deep in his stomach as he glanced at them.

“Never liked anyone ever since?” He thought to himself, recalling what Junkyu  just  said. He looked down at the ground in disappointment that he was mad at himself for feeling.

“Come on Mashiho, I know you were popular with the girls.” Yoshi said with a smile.

“I _ really _ was never in a relationship.. I was always…. _too busy.”_ He said trying to get rid of that disappointment that his voice portrayed. Junkyu looked at him with a curious look then went back to what he was doing.

Now they finally finished the basics for the room. There were still boxes on the floor. But what they done today was enough for them to finally go to sleep. Mashiho kept his eyes open in the pitch black darkness as he was thinking. His heart was still anchoring down to his stomach. He couldn’t  really  get rid of that feeling. So he  just  stayed there with his heart anchoring down his mood and his movement. It felt like chains restricting him from doing anything. His mind and heart was  fully  in control of him.

He snuggled closer to the blanket and tried to go to sleep.

_“He would never like me back.”_ He thought, making his heart get heavier.

Junkyu closed his phone and looked up, not  really  seeing anything. He had his hands folded in front of him as he laid there thinking.

_“he would never like me back.”_ He thought. That made his mood get dimmer and dimmer the more he thought about it.

If only they said these words to each other

Things would be completely

Incredibly 

**Different.**


	25. chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BIDEN WON AJDHAKJFEKJHFIHF 
> 
> song recommendation- And To Those I Love, Thanks For Sticking Around by suicideboys

It’s been 2 weeks since they moved in to the new dorms. Their schedules have been hectic. A performance here, a photoshoot there. It was tiring. The whole day was  just schedules.

They  just got back home from a photoshoot and everyone headed straight to their dorms. Mashiho dropped his jacket on the floor of his dorm and climbed the stairs to get to his bunk. He covered himself with his blanket and closed his eyes, trying to get a little rest after that tiresome day. 

Someone pushed the door open and he didn’t bother to open his eyes to check who it was, so he kept his eyes closed. But that person knocked twice on the door. Mashiho’s brows joined together and his nose scruched up.

“What is it?” He groaned, still keeping his eyes closed.

“Sanghoon brought some food with him. So… _yeah.”_ Yoshi muttered.

Mashiho  fully expected it to be Junkyu, he was kind of surprised to hear that Yoshi was the one answering. He heard Yoshi’s footsteps leave the room. The door was still open, he didn’t close it after him. Explains why he heard everything from outside his dorm. 

He drifted to sleep and into a rest he was  practically begging for this entire day. Junkyu was standing right in front of him. He always sees Junkyu so much these days. He smiled and his heart fluttered.

“Mashiho wake up.” Haruto said.

_Oh it was just a dream._

“Why were you smiling?” Haruto chuckled.

Mashiho didn’t even bother to put up a fight anymore, so he  just sat up in his bed and rubbed his eyes until the heaviness disappeared from his eyelids . He held up his head with his hand and stared at the wall in front of him for a second.

“Come on we have to practise.”  Haruto said before leaving the room with his water bottle, wearing a grey t-shirt and black sweatpants .

He climbed down the stairs and picked out a baggy stripped shirt and some sweatpants. Junkyu wasn’t there, he hasn’t seen him much throughout the day. Which was weird because wherever he was, Junkyu was always there. The sun went down, it was now night. He left the room and closed the lights after him.

They were  just sitting down on the floor and some on the couch and against the wall when he entered the practise. He expected them to be practising like always. His brow raised as he took a sip of water.

“Why aren’t you guys practising?” He asked.

“Lighten up, it’s in a bit.” Jihoon said while he scrolled down his phone.

He shrugged and made his way to the wall and sat against it beside Yedam. Junkyu was laying down on the sofa as he typed on his phone.

Once the door clicked open and the instructor came in through the door, they all stood up and bowed to her. She made her way to the middle of the room and clasped her hands together.

“Okay, lets get started!” She said with a smile.

They stood up and got to formation.

_Finally._

Practise was finally finished.

He fanned his face with his hand as he sat up against the wall, taking a sip from his water. He panted in exhaustion and grabbed his phone from his pocket.

Junkyu sat beside him and looked at his phone.

“What are you doing?” He asked.

“None of your business.” Mashiho replied in a monotone voice.

“I have something to show you.” Junkyu said  excitedly . Mashiho turned his head to him and looked at him with a dead expression.

“What is it?” He muttered with his brow raised.

“Follow me.” Junkyu said with a smile as he stood up and held Mashiho’s hand, pulling him up with him.

Mashiho  just followed and ignored his growing heartbeat when Junkyu held onto his hand, he was still holding onto his hand as he lead him through the house . But things were going well with him and Junkyu, he didn’t want to ruin it.

When Junkyu opened the front door, Mashiho got skeptical.

“Where are we going?” He asked.

“ Just trust me.” Junkyu said and continued walking through halls outside of their dorms. They entered a staircase and kept on walking up. It felt like the were going up to no end. Mashiho was panting, starting to lose the little energy he had before.

“Junkyu _where are we going?”_ He asked him in irritation, starting to lose his patience with him.

“I swear it’s worth it.”

That’s when they stopped. In front of a door. There were no more staircases going up after that. Junkyu opened the door.

They were on the roof. 

Mashiho gaped and his heart fluttered as Junkyu held his hand and lead him inside.

_“Oh my god.”_ He said and put a hand on his mouth. He looked around, they saw the entire city of Seoul from up there.

He didn’t realise there were so many lights decorating the city until now.

He looked back at Junkyu who was smiling at him, as if he was proud or something.

“Wait, won’t we get in trouble?” Mashiho asked, still in that smile.

“That’s _if_ they find out.” He said in a witty tone.

Mashiho looked back at the view and chuckled in pure happiness.

“It’s beautiful.” He muttered, lost in the beautiful view.

His heart was on fire

Running away with Junkyu

Keeping secrets

_It felt romantic._


	26. chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wrote this in class 👁👁
> 
> song recommendation - competition by azealia banks

“It’s so beautiful.” Mashiho said as he stared at the view. Junkyu smiled and looked at the ground. The cool breeze made their hair  lightly flow with it, it felt warm though it was night and it  was supposed to be colder. Mashiho couldn’t figure out if he was warm or if it was  just the weather.

“I knew you’d like it.” Junkyu said with a smile.

“You’re an awesome friend.” Mashiho said and walked along the rooftop kicking some things on the ground.

Junkyu’s  smily expression and heart fell and it  was replaced by a dull look. Hearing that again for the 50th time might make him go crazy. Mashiho took notice of the silence and hoped Junkyu would say something to end the quiet.

“Yep.” Junkyu said shortly with a hesitant chuckle, trying to bring the smile back on his face.

“I shouldn’t expect anything….we’re friends.” He thought to himself. Reassuring himself over and over again with that statement didn’t  really do him any good. Whenever Mashiho was there with him, he always expected something. It was like instinct. Like he couldn’t control it.  Subconsciously , all he thinks about is Mashiho most of the time.

Even though it was night now, the lights decorating the skyscrapers and buildings lit up the rooftop . He walked around the rooftop after Mashiho and put his hands in his pocket.

“Have you been here before?” Mashiho asked and looked at him.

“I have.” Junkyu said while looking at the ground. They continued walking, glancing at each other from time to time when the other wasn’t looking. They only walked on the rooftop, not saying a word to each other.

“So…my hair’s black now.” Mashiho said, trying to break the silence.

“I  really like it, it suits you.” Junkyu said and reached a hesitant hand to his hair and ruffled it. Mashiho’s face was flush pink by now. The lighting was the only thing preventing Junkyu from looking at him. Vulnerability wasn’t something Mashiho ever got used to. He hated it with every bone in his body. But somehow with Junkyu, he was the most vulnerable . Junkyu’s seen every side of him. It would be humiliating for him. It  normally would. but in this case, he’s never felt more secure.

“thanks.” Mashiho said in a light chuckle. He gave himself a second to look down on the floor and smile to himself. He was getting tired of hiding his smiles whenever Junkyu was around.

“Too bad he doesn’t smile like a fool whenever i'm around, he doesn’t even like me.” He thought to himself, trying to accept the truth from now so it wouldn’t so it wouldn’t hurt as bad later on.

Little did he know that it was far from the truth.

“Should we sit down?” Junkyu suggested after a few minutes of walking.

“Yeah.” Mashiho muttered. They sat in front of the city few, having their backs facing the door. The light wind gave them an airy feeling. They stared at the city in calmness without saying a word. Except this time, it was a comfortable silence. Junkyu turned his head and smiled at Mashiho. He turned his head to him with a hesitant expression and looked back at the view. Junkyu chuckle at his reaction and looked at the city.

“So” Mashiho started. “Have you ever you know….” The thought of the girlfriend Junkyu brought up was circling his mind. Begging to  be asked .

“Have you ever loved someone?” He continued and turned his head to him.

“Uh..yeah..I guess.” He  was surprised by the sudden mention of the topic.

“Are relationships nice?” Mashiho asked. The curiosity was burning up inside of him he had to ask.

“Yep, they’re  really nice.” Junkyu said shortly, nodding his head and biting his lip trying to avoid eye contact with him.

“Do you think I’ll be happy in one?” He asked.

“I uh…I don’t know.” He replied.

“Im not listening to you.  I think I’ll be happy.” Mashiho said and looked back at the view with a small smile.

“Do you have someone in mind?” Junkyu asked with a sheepish smile, trying to mask the panic. Mashiho  lightly chuckled and looked to the ground.

“Yeah….you can say that..” He said.

“Wait who is it?” Junkyu’s mask started to fall right off and show all the emotions he wanted to keep hidden.

“Stop being nosy.” He said.

“this person could never like me back anyways. ” a small smile decorated his sad face as he stared at the distance, shaking his head.

“Why not?” Junkyu asked  slowly .

“stop being nosy.” Mashiho said again.

“Well um… you can uh…confess to that person?” Junkyu suggested, though it came out more like a question. Mashiho turned his head to him with a smile. Humour written all over his face.

“what’s so funny?” Junkyu asked  cluelessly .

“Nothing.” Mashiho shook his head.

“I  just can’t” he sighed.

“Can’t what?” Junkyu asked.

“I can’t confess. I’ll ruin our friendship.” He said.

“She’ll _hate_ me.” That lie felt bitter on Mashiho’s tongue.

“So it’s a friend?”

_“Yep.”_ Mashiho said.

“I uh..hope you guys end up liking each other.” Junkyu said and pressed his lips In a thin line, he looked down at the floor. His heart felt heavy as he listened to him.

Mashiho turned to his head to the side away from Junkyu and laughed to himself as he shook his head.

“Were you  really never in a relationship?” Junkyu asked.

“Yeah. why would I be lying about that?” He said.

“Thought you  just wanted to get them off your back.” He muttered.

“Tell me about that…relationship you were in.” Mashiho said and looked down at the ground.

“Oh…she was  really nice.”

“That’s it?” Mashiho scoffed.

“She was a nice girl, we met in my trainee days. We tried to make it work but it…it didn’t.” He explained, looking forward at the view and Mashiho looked at him. He looked back at the city.

“Were you sad about that?” He said. “Or were you too busy to even care?”

“I was pretty sad about it.” Junkyu said, pressing his lips into a thin line. “It was my fault”

“You do that a lot.” Mashiho pointed out.

“Do what?”

“You Blame yourself.” Junkyu turned his head to him in curiosity as he spoke.

“Yeah ... you're right. I do that a lot.” Junkyu nodded at joined his brows together and looked at the busy city.

“well.” He stood up as Mashiho trailed him as he got up from his spot. “I hope things go fine with your um….crush. who knows?  maybe you’ll end up married or something.” He said with a hesitant chuckle at the last part.  It was obvious that he was trying to keep it together and he was trying to get used to the fact that Mashiho wouldn’t like him .

He walked towards the door and mashiho walked after him shaking his head and smiling, looking down at the floor .

“I like _you_. It’s _you_ I was talking about.” He thought. Even though the urge to tell him that face to face kept popping up in his mind, he had to stop himself from doing anything. He couldn’t say that.

Junkyu’s obliviousness made him smile.

There was no one he  was interested in but him,

But he couldn’t see that.

_“You idiot.”_ He thought.


	27. chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the fact that yall r getting vietnam war flashbacks over my slowburn- 💀😭🤚
> 
> song recommendation - jenny by studio killers
> 
> quote from the song: "i wanna ruin our friendship, we should be lovers instead" 😌

Mashiho sat down on the rooftop. On his own. Staring at the city. He couldn’t seem to get enough of that view.

He let the scorching sun of noon hit his body. Not  being bothered to care was convenient yet not so convenient. The anger he had pent up inside  slowly dispersed the longer he stayed on the rooftop with no one to bother him. He needed that well deserved rest. 

Some dance instructor they had today was starting to get on his nerves.

Do this. Do that. Don’t do that. Oh my god. Are you stupid? Go here. Go there.

That dance instructor was never happy with anything he did. But of course he didn’t show that he was angry at all. He  was supposed to look fine with it even though he wasn’t. That’s one thing they teach you about being an idol. How to shut your mouth when you need to. he wasn’t happy with it. But he had to shut up.

He was on the verge of blowing up and losing his shit, but he just politely asked for a break and ditched them all. He needed to calm down before going back.

The heavy metal door opened,  slightly scraping the floor. A pang ran through Mashiho’s heart in fear as he  abruptly looked back at the door. His heartbeat calmed down when he saw it was  just Junkyu and he looked back at the view.

“You scared the shit out of me I thought you were maintenance.” Mashiho told him in a bored voice. Junkyu huffed out a breath and walked towards him.

“I  was worried sick, you were gone for too long.” He said and sat down.

“You  were worried ?” Mashiho scoffed with a smirk. The thought of Junkyu worrying about him  specifically never crossed his mind. That guy cared for everyone but himself. 

“We should  really go back, they’ll get suspicious.” He said, pointing at the door.

“There’s nothing to be suspicious about.” He  simply brushed it off.

“There is”

Mashi ho turned his head to him and looked at him in curiosity.

“We’re in the damn roof. We’ll get in trouble.” He continued. That was not what Mashiho expected him to say.

“That’s if they find out. someone said that to me. Can’t remember who it was.” He answered him  sarcastically . Junkyu scoffed and looked to the side.

“I know, that dance instructor was a dick.” He said.

“But you need to go back down.”

“Nah. Let’s stay here for a little while.” Mashiho said. Junkyu sucked in a breath to let it go in defeat seconds later.

“Alright.” He got comfortable in his spot and looked at the view with Mashiho.

“It’s nice isn’t it.” Mashiho said. He turned his head to him.

“What’s nice?” He asked.

“Everyone’s looking for us and we’re  just here on the roof.” He said. Junkyu’s heart fluttered, he tried to suppress a smile that was close from making look like an idiot. 

“I guess the view’s nice too.” He completed. 

“It _is_ nice.”

Mashiho laid his head on Junkyu’s thighs and laid down on the floor. Junkyu’s heart was beating against his chest as he looked down at his face in surprise. He was speechless he  just looked down at Mashiho and didn’t say a word.

Mashiho had his  hand covering his eyes to avoid the sun.

“Here. Let me do it.” Ju nkyu said.

He put his hand away and replaced it with his. Junkyu covered Mashiho’s eyes from the sun. His heart was starting to beat faster and faster the more he looked at Junkyu. So he  just turned his head where it was facing the view and looked at it, trying to avoid his gaze.  Awkwardness was starting to get replaced by comfort the longer they stayed in that position .  He leaned into Junkyu’s touch and he now thought that staying with Junkyu on the rooftop was better than being there his own .

“How long has it been?” Junkyu asked.

“About 5 minutes.” He answered.

“We should go back.” 

“No. Let’s  just stay here a little more.” Mashiho said and held onto Junkyu.

“We  really can’t.”

“Oh yeah? Who’s gonna stop us?” He asked.

“We’ll get in trouble.” Junkyu said.

“I don’t care.”

“Guys?” Someone said from the door. They  abruptly turned their heads to find the manager staring right back at them. They  quickly stood up and looked down at the floor. 

“You were here this _whole_ time?” He scolded. The still looked down at the ground, too scared to even look at him.

“And in the ro of too?” He said.

“I’m sorry.” Junkyu sucked it up and looked up at him.

“No it’s my fault.” Mashiho said.

_“It’s both your faults!”_ He yelled.

“You guys should’ve been practising, not in the damn roof.” He said.

“Come on” they walked after him through the door and down the stairs.

When they opened the front door, they were lucky to see no one there waiting for them.  Probably practising.

He went back to his dorm to grab his water bottle and Junkyu followed.

“That was awkward.” He said and leaned against the door frame.

“It was more frightening than awkward.” Mashiho said while looking through his drawers. 

“Hey have you seen my black water bottle?” He turned around to him and asked.

‘Nope.”

“It has a white cap and it’s metal. Not plastic.”

“Still haven’t seen it” Junkyu shook his head.”

“Anyways I need to get changed.”  He walked towards his closet and picked out a few a long sleeved black shirt and black sweatpants and entered the bathroom . 

They were both finally in the practice room dancing with the rest. Mashiho took a few seconds to catch his breath. Something caught his eyes and he looked up. It was Junkyu. He was still dancing with some of the members, a pang went through his heart as he watched him. That’s when a thought crossed his mind.

Junkyu comforted him

He knew him

He _kissed_ him for fuck’s sake

Mashih o felt almost,

_Ready to give up their friendship_


	28. chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wrote this in midnight, you're welcome.
> 
> song recommendation - rat by penelope scott.

He shook the thought from his head like he thought he was crazy for thinking that.  Though he had to pretend that he didn’t want a relationship with Junkyu to convince himself, he knew deep down inside that it was the thing he wanted most . Taking a deep breath in, he got into formation with the group.  The dance instructor didn’t cross his mind one bit anymore, his mind was  fully preoccupied with Junkyu . The person he wanted so bad, but also the person he avoided so much. The cold air conditioning hit his back, giving him discomfort. But he still kept on dancing. 

“Okay! Let’s start from the beginning!”  The dance instructor clamped his hands together and announced to the group before him .  Mashiho breathed out and started doing the moves with the members as the instructor announced and went over the counts .

“Mashiho, no!” He yelled.

He stopped right in his tracks and looked up at him in surprise, the members looked back at the instructor then to Mashiho . He sucked in a breath and braced himself for whatever insult he threw at him.

“It’s not supposed to be like that!” He said. Mashiho bit his lip and took his yells.

“He did it  just fine actually.” He heard Junkyu say. Mashiho looked at him in surprise then back at the instructor who was staring Junkyu down.

“Excuse me?” He asked  condescendingly , but Junkyu’s expression didn’t change one bit.

“I said-“ he tried to say.

“I wasn’t asking you to answer me.” the instructor spoke over Junkyu with his brows joined together.

“Go back to your spot.” He told Junkyu. He rolled his eyes and walked back to his spot and pushed his hair back.

“And Mashiho do it right this time.”

Even though he should feel angry that he was yelling at him, he bit his smile away,  just recalling the fact that Junkyu was  literally standing up for him . it  was supposed to be cold in the practise room, but Mashiho couldn’t help but feel warm. He stole glances at Junkyu whenever he got the chance and hoped to god that no one caught him. He embraced being a fool and didn’t bother to stop himself.

When practise finished, he went straight to his dorm and looked through his closet for some comfortable clothes and a towel . He heard footsteps behind him, but he didn’t bother to turn around and check who. Then the person stopped at the door.

“Wow. He  really _is_ a dick.” The person said. It was Junkyu. He could recognise his voice anywhere. A smile crept on his face when he heard his voice. Luckily, Junkyu couldn’t see his smile.

“Were you not sure from before?” Mashiho snorted.

He turned around to him to find him leaning against the door frame. Mashiho gave him a warm smile and Junkyu returned the gesture.

“uh…Thanks… by the way.” He said.

“Don’t worry about it.”

He gave him an awkward nod and entered the bathroom.

“Are you gonna shower?” Junkyu called out to him from the dorm.

“Yeah.” He answered.

“I’m showering after you don’t take too long.” He said. Mashiho heard his footsteps leave the room, he let out a breath and let the water run down his body.

He left the bathroom and had his towel wrapped around his neck to dry his hair. Hyunsuk was in the living room watching tv with a bored look on his face. Mashiho came up to him with a million questions he had in mind.

“Hey.” He muttered. Hyu nsuk looked up at him with the remote in his hand.

“Hey.”

“So I want to ask you something.” 

“Go ahead.” Hyunsuk closed the tv and dropped the remote beside him. Mashiho sat down on the couch and got comfortable.

“So…what if you  really like someone and you want to be in a relationship with them, but you’re not sure if you should?” He said, Hyunsuk’s eyebrows  were raised .

“Again with these questions.” He chuckled.

“Who are they for anyways?”

“My cousin.” Mashiho answered with his go-to lie.

“Your cousin again? She has some messed up problems with her love life.” He scoffed.

“Yeah…it’s a mess.” Mashih o said with a hesitant chuckle as he grabbed the towel and dried his hair.

“What does she think we are? Dating coaches?” He said.

“ Just answer the question.” Mashiho muttered.

“Okay okay. She should be in a relationship with the guy.” He said. Mahiho rolled his eyes at the simplicity of his answer.

“No but her career that she worked so hard for might  be ruined . And his career might  be ruined too.”

“What do they work as anyways?” He asked.

“That doesn’t matter. It’s  just that they might ruin their careers.”

“They _might_ ruin their careers. Who the fuck is gonna find out?”

“I guess you’re right.” He muttered.

“Well she might also find out that he doesn’t like her.” He suggested.

“Best way to check if he likes her or not is to _confess.”_ He said as he took a bite from his chips bag.

“But what if things get very awkward.”  he was starting to lose his shit and go on a rampage about his “cousin’s” love life, Hyunsuk raised a brow at him and looked back at the chips bag .

_“Look.”_ Hyunsuk said.

“It’s very obvious she’s  just trying to make excuses.” He completed.

“But what if-“

“Fuck it.  really . It sounds like she  really likes him. She should  just date him.” He said, cutting Mashiho off.

“well. Thanks, she would  be _thrilled_ to hear _that.”_ He said and left back to his dorm.

He found junkyu standing in the room drying his hair. He was wearing blue pants and a t-shirt. 

That’s when Mashiho walked up to him and thought 

Fuck it.


	29. chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is.....something else.
> 
> song recommendation - right here by chase atlantic.

Mashiho closed the door behind him and walked up to Junkyu, ignoring all the voices in his head telling him not to. He grabbed him by his wrists and dropped him on Yoshi’s lower bunk. A shock flashed through his face while he looked up at his face as Mashiho hovered over him. Mashiho felt Junkyu’s fast pulse from his wrist. His heart was beating hard against his chest.

“What are you doing?” Junkyu asked  hesitantly .

_“ Just_ _this once.”_ Mashiho muttered to himself.

He pressed his lips onto Junkyu’s, leaving him shocked. His eyes widened and his brain was trying to process what was going on. The heat excellerated by the second.  Once Junkyu processed what was going on, he grabbed Mashiho’s wrists and flipped them so Mashiho would be flat on his back on the bed . He started to move his lips against his. Mashiho couldn’t keep up, the heat made his face go red. This all felt like a fever dream. He grabbed the back of his head and pushed him closer. They were starting to run out of breath but that didn’t cross their minds even once.

“Junkyu?” Yoshi called out from outside of the dorm. But Junkyu ignored him and kept on going like he didn’t speak at all. Mashiho started to freak out but he didn’t stop either.

“Junk yu?” He called again. still. He kept on going.

“Junkyu are you there?”

That’s when they finally detached. staring at each other’s swollen lips panting.

He rolled to the floor and got off Mashiho. He covered his face in embarrassment as Junkyu laid on the ground with his arms folded in front of him. 

Yoshi entered the room and looked at them in confusion.

“What are you doing on my bed?” He asked.

“nothing.” Mashiho said  abruptly as soon as Yoshi asked.

“What are you doing on the floor?” 

“I-i don’t know.” Junkyu started at the ceiling and shook his head.

“Why didn’t you answer me?” Yoshi asked Junkyu.

“sorry.” Junkyu muttered, not  really knowing what to say to him. Of course he couldn’t tell him the truth. 

“I  just wanted to tell you that the package you ordered is here.” Yoshi said.

“ Just leave it on the front step.” Junkyu muttered still looking at the ceiling pink faced. The mere thought of that moment again, made butterflies erupt in his stomach.

“Wait let me get it.” Junkyu got up and left the room. Mashiho sat on the bed recalling the moment for a millionth time. The butterflies in his stomach didn’t help his speedy heart rate. He turned in Yoshi’s bed and thought about it again, but in regret and humiliation. Junkyu must think that he’s stupid.

he left through the front door when no one was in the living room and started to climb the never ending staircase feeling numb . Numb to the distance. Numb to the embarrassment. And numb to the regret. Nothing made sense anymore. He pushed the heavy metal door open and dragged his footsteps inside the rooftop. 

He stood there in the middle of the rooftop and let the wind blow through his clothes and hair, giving him an airy feeling . He walked up to his usual spot and sat there, staring at the distance. The city lights didn’t even catch his attention. 

He  just kissed the person he was in love with. That’s what he wanted to do for months. But he chickened out at the end. night engulfed the city of Seoul and it was beginning to get  comfortably windy. Great. Something to match his lousy mood.

even though he wanted to be in a relationship with Junkyu, he didn’t think it would be best for Junkyu. 

His heart weighed down to his stomach as that thought circled his head. It pained him to think that.

The door opened, scraping the floor. He didn’t even bother to look back and check who it was. Even if it was maintenance, he didn’t care anymore. 

“Hey.” A familiar voice muttered and walked up to him  slowly . It was Junkyu.

“Hey.” Mashiho muttered back.

He sat down beside him and stared at the city too. He was wearing a navy knitted cardigan over his t-shirt from the wind.

"i figured you'd be here." he said. a long silence fell between them.

“I’m sorry.” Mashiho said, voice cracking with tears threatening to  be released . Junkyu stayed silent and pushed Mashiho’s head to his shoulder. He rested his head on his shoulder as a single tear rolled down his cheeks.

“Don’t be sorry.” He said. 

He cried in the warmth of Junkyu’s embrace, not knowing what to do. He couldn’t stop himself so he kept on going. Junkyu rubbed circles on Mashiho’s shoulder in endearment. his breath heaved in his chest as another tear fell on his warm cheeks.

He cupped Mashiho’s cheeks and wiped his tears with his thumb. Mashiho’s face was facing his, and Junkyu looked straight into his eyes.

_“Please_ don’t say sorry.” He said as if he was begging.

He pressed his lips on to Mashiho’s  softly .

His breathing calmed down

That’s when he felt  truly loved

Truly special 

_This is all he’s ever wanted._


	30. chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i should stop writing in midnight.....
> 
> song recommendation - into it by chase atlantic

They detached and looked at each other with longing looks, Junkyu  softly caressed Mashiho’s tear stained cheek with his thumb . As he was about to turn away. Mashiho grabbed the side of his face and pulled him in for another kiss he told himself would be the last time. Junkyu fluttered his eyes closed and held the back of his head, pushing him closer to him. Mashiho pulled away and Junkyu gave him one last peck on his lips.

He laid down on Junkyu’s lap and looked forward at the city, trying to bite down his smile. The wind never felt more cold yet comfortable, Junkyu took off his cardigan and put it over Mashiho’s body. He smiled when he smelled his signature perfume on it. He brought it closer to him and cuddled closer to Junkyu. He watched as the wind flowed through Mashiho’s hair and smiled.

“What time is it?” He asked.

“It should be 10pm by now.” Junkyu muttered.

“Do you think we should get out of here?”

“No.” He said and caressed his hair. “Not yet.”

After a few minutes, Mashiho fell asleep on Junkyu’s lap. He didn’t notice until he heard his soft breaths.

“Mashiho?” He called out and leaned forward to look at his face. He got no response. He saw Mashiho’s eyes closed displaying his long lashes. Junkyu smiled and pushed his hair to the side to get a better view of his face. A foolish smile painted his face as he looked at the person before him, he still couldn’t believe he kissed him. 

While he was sitting there admiring Mashiho’s sleeping figure, his phone dinged in his pocket catching his attention . He pulled it out, shedding a cool light on his face making him wince since the rooftop is pretty dark at night. he got a text.

_Where are you? Mashiho isn’t here._ \- jihoon.

It was about time they noticed they were gone.

_Don’t worry about it._ \- junkyu

He huffed out a breath, annoyed that their time had to end so soon.

“They can wait.”  He thought and leaned back, his movement  was restricted since Mashiho was sleeping on his lap and he didn’t want to bother him . He leaned his head back and looked at the night sky with a smile on his face. Stars decorated the cloudless dark sky making it a hundred times more appealing. The sky felt different today. It felt more beautiful and non ending. Or  maybe he felt like that because he was happy.

Junkyu _was_ happy. Why wouldn’t he be? An undisturbed moment with the person he loved. He felt so happy his heart could jump out of his chest and start running laps. He looked back down at Mashiho again and started thinking.

“Should we go back to the dorms?” He asked himself. After a few seconds of thinking, he  lightly tapped Mashiho’s shoulder with a hesitant hand. But he didn’t wake up.

“Mashi.” He whispered, trying not to be too loud.

He still didn’t wake up. He tapped his shoulder again. That’s when he turned his head to him and winced his eyes open.

“Come on, we need to go.” He said and got up, holding his hand to help him up with him.

“Do we have to?” He asked  groggily as he rubbed his eyes. Junkyu held his hand and took the lead and walked towards the door. That felt foreign. Holding hands without being weird or awkward. Mashiho’s hands felt so soft, he didn’t have much time to appreciate them. It was like his hand fit  perfectly into his. Like they  were meant for each other. His heart was running a marathon. He couldn’t seem to wipe that foolish smile off his face. To his luck, Mashiho was behind him and couldn’t see his smile.

When the got to the door, Junkyu turne d around to Mashiho to find him half asleep.

“Here.” He said and had his back facing Mashiho. “Get on my back.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll walk.” Mashiho muttered.

“ Really , come on.” Junkyu said.

“It’s fine,  really .” Mashiho insisted.

They walked down the stairs with Mashiho walking behind Junkyu,  barely keeping his eyes open .

Junkyu stopped and turned around to him, he was walking down almost closing his eyes and yawning.

“Get on my back.” He said again.

This time Mashiho walked forward and hopped on his back. Junkyu adjusted his on his back and continued walking down the stairs. Mashiho wrapped his arms around Junkyu and buried his head in his neck, making Junkyu’s face get hot.

“Are you sure you’re okay with carrying me?” He muttered.

“I’m fine.” 

Mashiho  eventually fell asleep, Junkyu felt his soft breaths on his neck making the butterflies explode in his stomach . The stairs were long, but he didn’t even pay attention to the distance.

They stopped in front of their dorms and by that time, he was fast asleep. Junkyu struggled with the keys, he didn’t want to drop Mashiho off his back. 

Once the door finally opened, he found some members staring at him with their brows raised.  all of that looked weird to them.

“Where the fuck were you?” Haruto asked.

Junkyu ignored him and made his way to his dorm, with Mashiho still sleeping on his back.

This felt so surreal.

Keeping a secret only him and Mashiho knew of.

He was still asleep

Junkyu never realised how much he liked him

But then he remembered.

_“Doesn’t he have a crush?”_


	31. chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this in 1:30am 🥳🏌️♂️🧍
> 
> song recommendation - blinding lights by the weekend.

Junkyu laid there in his bed, in the pitch black darkness of his dorm. Everyone in it was asleep. The first one being Mashiho. He shut his phone down, and turned to the side where he could see Mashiho’s sleeping figure. That question has been bugging him ever since.  The only light source was the dim lighting coming from the streetlight outside because their curtains were open . He smiled when he saw Mashiho’s face, fast asleep. If only he could hold him  in between his arms and he would sleep there. In peace.

But he couldn’t. His face fell into a grimace when the sad reality crossed his mind. Mashiho’s crush.

“Was I played?” He thought, it was even more gutting the longer he stared at Mashiho’s face.

“Did he  just kiss me for the sake of it?” He thought again. He pressed his fingers to his lips, with the butterflies traveling through his finger to his lips. Recalling the kisses that him and Mashiho shared always made his face go hot and flushed.

“Did I mean _anything_ to him?” These questions started to sound like someone else was asking him. Not himself. His heart became heavy as he kept on thinking about that.

“He means so much to me. But do I even matter to him?” He shut his eyes closed trying to block the thoughts. It pained him to think that a person he  really cared about might no think of him the same way.

“He  probably likes that one friend he was talking about I heard how he was talking about her.” Another thought entered his head. The mere thought of that one girl that Mashiho was talking about set his heart on fire and made him sick to the stomach.

He knew it was selfish, but he couldn’t help but feel jealous of that girl. A person he’s never met before.

After he stayed up thinking about  all of that, he finally drifted off to sleep. It was about time his brain thought it would be best to  just shut off.  As every interrogating thought entered his mind, the heavier his heart became, it would become too heavy to carry after a while . So his mind couldn’t allow it and  just stopped.

“Hello honey.” He found himself saying. A living room  brightly lit by the natural rays of the sun, that’s where he was. He wrapped his arms  tenderly around someone’s waist. They felt so familiar, like he’s done this a million times. But he couldn’t pin point who it was. Junkyu was wearing a long flowey white robe that flowed with the soft breeze.

They turned around to him with the most enchanting smile that lit his heart on fire. they held the sides of his face with their  insanely soft hands. It was Mashiho. His smile  brightly lit up on his face when he realised it was Mashiho. 

He  tenderly kissed Junkyu’s lips as he responded  gladly .

“How was your day?”  Mashiho asked when they pulled away with the sweetest voice, like honey was dripping from his voice .

“I-i don’t know.  Where was I?” Junkyu asked with a smile, still holding onto Mashiho’s waist as he rested his hands on Junkyu’s broad shoulders .

“You were working, of course.” He said.

“Oh I love you _so much.”_ Junkyu muttered with the most foolish smile and  eagerly pulled Mashiho in for another kiss . Junkyu pushed him as close as possible to feel every bit of him. To confirm that he’s real. He couldn’t believe he was with Mashiho.  Happily . With no one else to worry about. Mashiho smiled into the kissed and they finally detached.

“Oh honey.” Mashiho said and stared into Junkyu’s eyes  dreamily .

“What?” Junkyu asked with a smile.

“The thing is…” he said, his face  slowly falling from his previous happy expression. The atmosphere began to feel more eery rather than comfortable. He found it harder and harder to breath.

“I don’t love you.” He said with a blank face.

“What?” Junkyu panted feeling chocked. He felt the cold sweat trickle down his forehead.

“I said I don’t love you.” He said with a stern voice.

“I-i don’t understand.” He said  in between short breaths.

_“I don’t love you!”_ He yelled. A pang hit Junkyu’s heart. It’s not true. It couldn’t be true. A ringing went off in his ears. Like a broken radio. Getting louder and louder. 

“This is a dream.” Mashiho said  blankly . The ringing stopped.

“Wake up.” He s aid and everything faded to black.

“Wake up.” Someone shook his shoulder. He panted and panted as he felt like he  was drenched in a puddle of his own sweat.

“Junkyu wake up!” Someone said, their voice became clearer. 

He opened his eyes with force, they  were shut together before. His breath heaved in his chest as he looked up at the familiar ceiling. He turned his eyes to see Mashiho right in front of him who was looking at him with a concerned look.

“What happened?” Junkyu panted.

“You had a nightmare.” Mashiho said.

“Oh thank god.” Junkyu sighed in relief and put a hand to his chest.

“What ?” Mashiho asked in confusion. He never heard of anyone thank god for a nightmare. 

Junkyu looked around the room for anyone that was there that wasn’t Mashiho. Hoping it was  just him in there. When he saw there was no one there he saw an opportunity.

He took Mashiho’s head and kissed him hard on his forehead. The gratefulness he felt when he realised it was  just a dream was immeasurable. He felt even more thankful for the boy right in front of him. Mashiho was so weirded out by Junkyu’s sudden reaction. But he enjoyed it either way. His heart took a leap forward and he gave himself a small smile he tried to hide from Junkyu.  On the other hand , Junkyu laughed to himself in relief and pure happiness. He looked crazy. But he didn’t even care.

Junkyu felt so happy.

He felt even more grateful for Mashiho.

If that was even possible.

_He cherished that boy more than anything._


	32. chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> manifesting a bunch of shit rn 👁👁
> 
> song recommendation: out of my league by fitz and the tantrums 
> 
> quote from the song: "you know the ones who said i'd never find someone like you" 😗

“You did well in the performance today.” Junkyu said to Mashiho after a long silence that felt like it was eating at them.

“Thanks.” He said in a blunt tone, looking to the other side. Even though everyone in the van was talking and it was no where near quiet. But the silence that fell between Mashiho and Junkyu was deafening. Nether of them knew how to act after the previous day. How is a person supposed to act in a situation like this? Where they supposed to avoid each other and act like it didn’t happen? Or act like they were an actual couple?

All of this confused them to no end. They wanted to love each other and be in a relationship. But they weren’t sure if it was best. if it was best for them or not. 

After a while of silence, Mashiho  hesitantly turned his head to Junkyu to see him. He found him asleep with his head against the window. Mashiho felt disappointment dawn on him as he turned his head back and looked at the floor. He was so used to Junkyu sleeping on his shoulder, it felt weird to look at him sleep some place else. It felt lonely. 

He pulled out his phone and scrolled down his social media to try to distract himself. but Junkyu stayed in his mind. Having to hide the desire he had for him wasn’t as easy as he thought it would be. It becomes harder and harder everyday. Having to see him everyday made it even harder. Even thought Junkyu was around him everyday, he still felt lonely and by himself. But Junkyu made him feel like he was the most important person in the world. And it looks like he got used to that feeling.

“I’m an idiot.” He thought to himself.

As time passed so  painfully slow, they boarded off the bus and into their dorm building. He made sure he went first. He went into his dorm and got changed into more comfortable clothes.

He stayed in his bed, hands behind head while he stared at the ceiling and kept on thinking. Recalling the moments he shared with Junkyu. With a stupid smile that surfaced his face from time to time. And a thought entered his head. He put his hand on his forehead, remembering when Junkyu kissed his forehead. 

“What was all that about?” He thought, he still he couldn’t figure out why Junkyu kissed his forehead right after he woke up from a nightmare.

He chuckled to himself with his heart leaping forward, like he had a high school crush or something. He hopped off his bed and went into the living room with the rest of the members.  Everyone  was huddled in the kitchen when he got there, he peered at them in curiosity and entered the kitchen to figure out what all the fuss was about . 

“What are you making?” He asked the members. Junkyu was the first one to turn around to him when he heard his voice. But he turned his head back as soon as he saw that Mashiho was looking at him.

“I don’t  really know, but  apparently it’s good.” Junghwan shrugged. 

This should be fun. you can never expect anything when the head chef was Doyoung. He was standing in front of the stove mixing, with the most focused look on his face. He stood behind everyone with Junkyu and stood on the tip of his toes to check out what they were cooking. Junkyu had his hands in his pocket holding zero interest to what was going on. He had a bored look on his face and the hood of his hoodie casted a shadow onto his face. Mashiho stole a quick glance at him then looked forward again. Of course Junkyu noticed but he didn’t say anything. what was the use anyways?

Mashiho bit on his lip in nervousness. He was staring at their cooking but his head  was preoccupied with something else. 

“Hey don’t fuck it up!” Jeongwoo said in frustration, he was almost as focused as Doyoung with the cooking, 

“Watch your mouth I’m older than you!” Doyoung yelled back still staring at his pot of mess.

Junkyu looked around for anyone who might be looking at him then turned his head to Mashiho. He grabbed his hands and led him to the front door. Mahiho  was surprised by his sudden action. He stumbled on his first step and followed Junkyu  blindly .

“I was watching that.” He muttered,  regarding the cooking. He stared at his hand as he held it. Junkyu’s grip on his hand was tight, it made Mashiho wince.

“Stop. It hurts.” He said in frustration. Junkyu stopped climbing the stairs and looked back at him in that same bored look.

“Sorry.” He said and loosened his grip. It felt more comfortable now. Comfortable enough to speed up Mashiho’s heart rate. His hand felt soft in his, it felt warm. His hand was a little bigger which fit  perfectly with Mashiho’s hand. Mashiho cursed all the foolish thoughts entering his head, but he wasn’t gonna try to stop them.

They entered the rooftop and sat in their usual spots, looking forward. The night felt comfortable, as the breeze ran through their hair.

“We should stop being awkward.” Junkyu said.

“What do you mean?” Mashiho asked and turned his head to him. He knew exactly what he meant but it would be better if he acted like he didn’t.

“We’re  just awkward. And it _sucks.”_ Junkyu said, still looking forward. Mashiho looked back at the city and decided to drop his act.

“I guess you’re right.” He said.

“You know that crush you told me about.” Junkyu said, he didn’t know how else to bring it up without sounding weird. But that question was eating at him, he  just had to ask. Mashiho got tense in his spot. he thought Junkyu put the pieces together already. He never thought Junkyu would bring that up.

“Yeah.” He muttered  slowly .

“How are things going with her?” Junkyu asked.

“Uh…I don’t know.” 

Junkyu raise his brow. He didn’t  just muster up the courage to ask him  just so he could say that he _“didn’t know”._

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“You want the truth?” Mashiho turned his head to Junkyu. Finally.  Just what Junkyu wanted. He sucked in a breath and braced himself for what was about to come.

“It  was made up.”

Junkyu  was dumbfounded . He didn’t expect Mashiho to tell him that. His shoulders fell and he looked at Mashiho in confusion. 

_“What?”_ He asked, squinting at him.

“It  was made up, I made it up.” He said and looked forward as Junkyu stared at him in disbelief.

“I was  just messing with you.” He said and leaned back.

Junkyu scoffed, looking at the view. He turned to the other side away from Mashiho and shook his head.

_“asshole.”_ He muttered.

“Excuse me, what was that?” Mashiho leaned forward to him and cupped a hand around his ear  sarcastically .

“Asshole!” Junkyu laughed.

“No I don’t think I heard you right.” Mashiho said and leaned forward.

Junkyu  took advantage of Mashiho being so close to him and held both sides of his face.  Their foreheads touched and a quick expression of surprise flashed through Mashiho’s face and heat rose to his cheeks . Junkyu didn’t know what he was doing but it didn’t  really matter. He heard his heartbeat in his ears.

“You’re an asshole.” He whispered, his eyes fluttered down to Mashiho’s red lips. And Mashiho trailed his eyes and his breathing got shorter and shorter. Junkyu turned his head to the side and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. 

Mashiho’s eyes widened and gaped at him as he held his hand against his cheek when they detached and went back to their original spots . Junkyu tried to bite down his smile and looked forward. After a few seconds his laughter got the best of him and he let out a loud laugh.

“Hey!” Mashiho said, still in surprise as Junkyu laughed.

This all felt too natural.

But he wasn’t mad or frustrated about it,

_He loved it._


	33. chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if i don't start traveling and shit, im gonna combust 😃
> 
> song recommendation - suffer with me by liue

They walked down the stairs, hand in hand with their fingers intertwined. It felt so foreign but so familiar at the same time. They felt nervous but comfortable. Despite all the new feelings and experiences, they felt safe. Safe in each other’s kisses and embrace. 

Non of them seemed to fear a thing when they were together.  Both of them had worries and stress, but it all faded away and evaporated into thin air when the  were welcomed by each other’s embrace . Mashiho’s heart hammered against his chest and so did Junkyu’s. They felt each other’s pulse from their wrists and they were happy to see that the feeling was mutual.

Never have they ever wanted the long and irritating staircases to be infinite and non ending. No matter how long they stayed there, holding each other’s hand, they didn’t get enough. They didn’t want to get enough. 

Right when they enter these dorms, they have to act like they had nothing to do with each other. Like they weren’t  just acting married in the rooftop a few minutes ago. Mashiho stopped while he was climbing down the stairs. Junkyu walked further from where he stood and stopped, looking back at him then at their hands. 

“Can we walk a little slower?” Mashiho muttered, he was too embarrassed to say it any louder. Junkyu stared at him, not knowing what to say. Mashiho regretted ever saying that.

“You know what never min-“ Mashiho said shaking his head in humiliation but got cut off.

“Okay.” Junkyu agreed with a smile, nodding his head. Mashiho caught up to Junkyu smiling at him as he smiled back. They started to walk little slower. The dorms weren’t as far now, they were getting closer. so he wanted to make most of the time he had with Junkyu before they got there. A wide grin decorated his face, he wanted to get rid of it but he couldn’t seem to be able to do that.  Junkyu rubbed the back of Mashiho’ hand with his thumb, widening his smile and increasing his heart beat . he turned his head to Mashiho to find him smiling. A foolish grin painted his face as he looked at him with surprise. 

“Are you blushing?” He asked him with wide eyes and a hand covering his mouth.

“Ugh _shut up._ I’m not.” Mashiho groaned, trying to replace this smile with a serious expression.

“Oh my god you’re blushing!” Junkyu said and touched his cheeks to see if his eyes were joking him or not. Mashiho tried to swat away his hand with the most annoyed expression he tried to come up with.

“Stop.” He groaned.

“Admit that you’re blushing.” Junkyu said with a smile.

“I’m not.”

“Yes you are.”

“Im not!”

“Yes you are!” 

They stayed silent after that, staring at each other trying to hold in their laughs. After a few seconds they blew up in laughter.

“I can’t believe you were blushing.” Junkyu laughed.

“But you were blushing too.” Mashiho said, pointing at him.

“So you admit you were blushing.” Junkyu said in surprise.

“Ugh no!”

Before they even knew it, they were right in front of their dorms. A long silence fell between them as they stayed there, staring at the wooden door. They took a deep breath in and let go of each other’s hands. A part of Mashiho went away when he let go of his hand. His hand used to feel warm now it felt cold. Mashiho opened the door and they walked in. From this point forward, they were  just normal and they don’t care about each other. Junkyu’s expression fell when they entered through the door. The members were still in the kitchen so no one paid any mind to them. 

Like  all of them, they went back to the kitchen and stood there. Pretending they were watching Jeongwoo and Doyoung’s episode of food wars. All the others  were entertained by it, and they both  normally would. But Junkyu was regretting not being able to stall in the rooftop. If he stalled, they would’ve spent more time together. 

“Oh my god, give me that spoon.” Jeongwoo muttered and snatched the wooden spoon out of Doyoung’s hand. Doyoung glared at him with the most offended face.

“Hey!” He yelled trying to retrieve his spoon, but he gave up when he saw that Jeongwoo had no intention of giving it back. Junkyu rolled his eyes and sat down at the couch, on his own. Mashiho looked back at him, his hoodie was covering his face and he was on his phone. He turned his head back to Doyoung and Jeongwoo,  basically forcing himself to. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of him. 

“So. Do you guys like the food?” Jeongwoo asked with a proud smile,  fully expecting them to say yes. They finally finished cooking and now everyone was sitting in the living room. Some on the carpet and some on the couch. Mashiho sat on the couch, Junkyu was still on his phone.

“This is _not_ bad.” Junghwan said with an amused face and starting eating some more from his plate. Of course, some of them hated it. 

“This tastes fucking gross.” Jihoon said, looking up at them in disgust.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. This is good.” Hyunsuk argued. 

“Hey, Junkyu! Back me up on this. It’s good right?” Doyoung said with a smile.  Junkyu looked up from his phone in surprise as everyone, including Mashiho, looked at him waiting for his opinion .

“What?” He asked.

“I said, the food’s good. _right?”_ Doyoung said  slowly . Junkyu nodded his head and looked back down at his phone.

It’s good.” He muttered.

“See.” Doyoung told Jihoon in a smug tone. Jihoon rolled his eyes and picked at his food. Mashiho glanced at Junkyu’s plate, he didn’t even touch it. He looked away from him and started eating. But Junkyu circled his mind.

_“What’s wrong?”_ He thought.

_“Is it because of me?”_

_“Is he upset?”_

He grimaced as  all of these thoughts dictated his mind, he decided to get rid of them, by asking. He sat beside Junkyu on the couch facing him. Junkyu didn’t look at him, he  just stayed on his phone. Mashiho put his hand on his arms in endearment and Junkyu looked up at him.

“Hey what’s wrong?” Mashiho asked.

“Nothing.” Junkyu said shaking his head.

“ Really . What’s wrong.” Mashiho said and shuffled closer to him. Junkyu looked up at him with a reassuring smile.

“Im fine. Promise.” Junkyu said.

“Here. Have some real food.” He said and pulled out a bag of candy he had beside. Mashiho watched him as he pulled one out. He held Mashiho’s jaw with one hand and held up the candy at his lips. His eyes widened and an electric shock went through his heart. He couldn’t do this in front of everyone.

He swatted his hand away and took the candy from him not even trying to hide his red face. Junkyu  just looked at him and laughed.

_“What the fuck?”_ He hissed at him glaring at the other members. he couldn't believe Junkyu would do that in front of them. that only made Junkyu laugh louder. Mashiho  playfully hit his shoulder.

A small smile decorated his red face

He felt so high

_Is this what it feels like to be in love?_


	34. chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YALL SCHOOL ENDED ANNFJKDFKDFHRFJ 🏃♀️
> 
> song recommendation - lonely in Tokyo by mirei

“We should go to sleep.” Yedam said and got up from his spot and grabbed his things off the floor.  The rest of the members stopped eating and trailed him as he left to his dorm, they were considering the suggestion . He was gone for a bit and the place went silent, they were  just picking at their food. 

Everyone turned their heads to Jihoon as they watched him stand up and gather his things. Jihoon was the first one after Yedam to head to his dorm. 

“Yeah I’m going to sleep too.” He said and put his plate on the table, he left. less and less people were there in the living room, until they all stood up and left.  Mashiho and Junkyu left to their dorms and the last person in the living room closed the lights, making the place go dark . 

Junkghwan didn’t even bother to pick up the plates or clean the living room. He  just closed the lights. That was enough on his part. 

Junkyu  resltessly laid on his back on the bed in the darkness. Staring at the ceiling. The light from the window gave their room a dark blue glow. It felt  strangely calming. The silence calmed him.  He wasn’t counting sheep, but it felt like the agonising pain of trying to get some sleep by counting a bunch of sheep jump over a fence . It was hysterical. He took quick glances at Mashiho from time to time. He only saw a sleeping silhouette of him covered by a blanket. Then he looked at Yoshi and Haruto on the lower bunks. They were also asleep. Junkyu looked back at the ceiling with a frustrated expression. He always hated being the last one to sleep.

Junkyu still wore his hoodie and shorts. The place was dead silent, it was starting to get more creepy than it was calm. He climbed down the bunk stairs and Mashiho opened his eyes to the sound. Junkyu then climbed Mashiho’s bunk stairs and he started to get weirded out but he didn’t turn his head to him. 

Junkyu got on Mahiho’s bed and crawled to him, hugging his waist. butterflies started to abruptly fly through his stomach and his eyes widened. He turned his head to Junkyu in confusion. Though Junkyu stared back at him in both amusement and calmness, he didn’t expect him to be awake. His grip loosened on his waist and he gave him a sheepish smile that Mashiho could barely see.

“What are you doing?” Mashiho whispered. Junkyu looked back into his eyes, stuck in his gaze.

“I couldn’t sleep.” He whispered back and nuzzled his head on his back.

“Are you serious? They’ll see us.” Mashiho said.

“nope. They’re dead asleep.”

“How come you’re awake?” Junkyu asked In a quiet tone, not wanting to wake Yoshi and Haruto. Mashiho laid back in his bed the way he was before and Junkyu hugged his waist tighter.

“Couldn’t sleep either.” He sighed. They stayed silent for a little while, making the most of each other’s company before it  was lost .

“can you turn around for a sec?” Junkyu whispered into Mashiho’s ear, sending shivers down his spine as he sucked in a breath. He turned around to him with his face heating up the more he had to look at Junkyu looking at him like that. Junkyu pushed him closer and put a hand on his cheek, stroking his cheek with his thumb.  Unluckily for Mashiho, Junkyu  probably felt the heat on Mashiho’s face. A flustered expression replaced Mashiho’s blank one.

A dumb smile decorated Junkyu’s face as he looked at Mashiho’s flustered face.

“So…” Mashiho said, not finding the words he had on his mind. Junkyu waited for him to say something.

When he saw he didn’t say anything, he pressed his lips  softly onto his. Mashiho closed his eyes and shuffled closer to him. He forgot there were people in the room that could  possibly be awake. He drowned himself in Junkyu’s warm embrace. They detached and Mashiho bit his lip as an attempt to stop himself from smiling. Junkyu looked at him with wide grin. He giggled and put his head on Junkyu’s chest, trying to hide it from him.

Mashiho turned back around and Junkyu put his chin on his shoulder as he hugged his waist.

“Are you sleepy?” He whispered.

“Nope.”

Mashiho sat up and looked back at Junkyu who had his hands behind his head, he stared at Mashiho with a smile. He looked back forward, looking down with his hair covering his face as he smiled.

“They’ll find us together in the morning. I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Mashiho whispered, with his smile disappearing from his face.

“So?” Junkyu said  briefly , Mashiho looked back at him in a questioning look. Junkyu  just stared at him  blankly , he looked forward.

“They always fall asleep together, why can’t we?” He said. Even though Mashiho wasn’t so sure of the idea, he had a point. If they were aloud to do that, then they should be aloud too. But another thought entered his head, making him doubt.

“But they’ll think it’s weird.” He said.

“So what? They’ll think whatever they'll think.”

“But this can be serious.” Mashiho said when he looked back at him.

Junkyu held both sides of Mashiho’s waist and pulled him down on the bed with him. 

“Stop worrying. It’s bad for you.” He said and pushed Mashiho’s hair back from his forehead.

“I’ll  just get out of here later. Midnight  maybe .”

“That’s tiring for you.” Mashiho argued. 

“Are you worrying about me?” Junkyu whispered with a smirk.

“Ugh no.” he said and turned his head to the other side. He heard Junkyu laugh, bringing a smile to his face.

Of course he was worrying about him.

He turned to the side facing Junkyu and looked at his hoodie.

“Why are you wearing a hoodie? it’s hot in here.” 

Junkyu sat up and his eyes trailed him as he did. 

“Oh you want me to take it off? Okay.” He said  sarcastically and attempted to take his hoodie off. Mashiho’s eyes widened as he watched him and heat flared to his face.

“Oh my god- _no!”_

Junkyu stopped and laughed. He looked at Mashiho and  purposely fell on top of him. He closed his eyes and held his face in his hands, kissing him. 

Mashiho giggled into the kiss and junkyu adjusted himself.

They weren’t sure if Haruto and Yoshi were actually asleep.

_But that was a risk they were willing to take._


	35. chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all i just finished watching grand army and season two's not out yet 😀🔫
> 
> song recommendation - me and my husband by mitski
> 
> pls listen to the song it's an actual masterpiece 😭
> 
> quote from the song: "but when he walks in, i am loved, i am loved."

They separated form the kiss and Junkyu laid his head on Mashiho's chest, listening to every heartbeat . He felt his lungs rising up and down and how fast his heart was beating. It brought a smile to his face to see that Mashiho was feeling the same way he did. It was calming to know you can be vulnerable in front of someone you hold dearly and not be afraid.

Mashiho played with Junkyu's hair and brushed through it. The feeling of Mashiho's fingers on his scalp sent shivers down his spine. It scared him to think that Junkyu listened to his heartbeat, he felt calm but embarrassed at the same time.

"Hey, can I borrow your phone?" Junkyu asked and looked up at him. Mashiho raised his brow, he didn't know why he wanted his phone. Junkyu wasn't a creep so he didn't worry about it too much.

"No." He scoffed.

"Please I left my phone on my bed." He said again. Mashiho didn't look too convinced though, he stared at him in a questioning expression that obviously said no .

"I won't look through it, I promise."

Mashiho rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone from under his pillow. Junkyu's expression lit up when he opened his phone for him and slapped it on his palm. He flicked through the apps he had and finally pressed on the camera. Mashiho got confused but went with it anyway, arguing with Junkyu Is like talking to a wall.

He held up the phone and smiled like he was about to take a picture. Their reflections on the phone were barely seen since it was too dark in the room, but Junkyu smiled anyways.

"smile." He mused through his smile and held his hand. Mashiho did what he asked and got closer to him. Once he pressed the button, a bright flash went off making them close their eyes and turn their head away.

"Shit." Junkyu hissed and opened his eyes when the flash stopped.

Mashiho grabbed the phone from his hand and checked out the picture Junkyu took. He scoffed and Junkyu crawled up to him to look at the picture too. He covered his mouth, trying to stop himself from laughing. Mahiho rolled his eyes and dropped his phone.

"Make that your wallpaper." Junkyu chuckled in sarcasm.

"No." Mashiho sighed.

"Don't worry, you still look cute." Junkyu said. He got closer to Mashiho and gave him a peck on his cheek. It Brought a smile to his annoyed face and Junkyu sat up.

"I think I need to go now." He muttered.

"Wait, can't you stay longer?" Mashiho asked as the feeling of disappointment dawned on him.

"what? Are you gonna miss me?" Junkyu turned his head to him and looked at him with a smug grin. Mashiho rolled his eyes.

"No, gosh."

"Alright then, I'll go." Junkyu said and crawled to the bunk stairs.

"Wait." Mashiho said but stopped himself, he was worried he sounded too desperate. Junkyu stopped and turned his head to him, hoping he would say what he wanted him to say.

"Never mind." He muttered and turned to his side, trying to go to sleep. Junkyu lightly chuckled and shook his head as he crawled back to Mashiho.

Once he got to him, he gave Mashiho a light peck on the lips before he left.

Mashiho slept with a smile plastered on his face and the feeling of warmth Junkyu left behind. He was really lucky to have someone like him, he never realised how beautiful life can be if a person had the right person to love and keep close . Though they could only be close when no one was looking, Mashiho felt grateful anyways. They didn't know what to call themselves. It didn't even matter. They were just Mashiho and Junkyu that cuddle and kiss each other from time to time. It was obviously more than that. But that's what Mashiho liked to call it.

Sleep came to him easy since Junkyu and him stayed up together for a long time. It was like he was sleepy for a long time, but when Junkyu was with him, he didn't feel the passing of time or sleepiness at all. He hasn't felt like that in a long time.

He woke up in the morning and climbed down his bed. It confused him to see everyone in his dorm was asleep. So he reminded himself that maybe it was just his dorm and everyone was probably awake in the living room. nope. No one was in the living room. Everyone was asleep.

Not that he was upset about it or anything, he could use a quiet time all for himself. he walked up to the fridge and pulled out an egg. Eating chips and candy for breakfast was the worst thing a person can do. And he was starting to get used to it. An egg would be way healthier and would make him look way less sorry.

He cracked the egg on the buttered pan and stared at it as it sizzled. Eggs were just eggs. They were in no way appealing. But he felt the need to remind himself that he was an idol and that he needed to eat healthy. He huffed out a breath and dropped his shoulders, his breakfast was gonna be as bland as ever.

Junkyu walked out the door and rubbed his eyes. He stopped when he found Mashiho facing the stove and smiled. He approached Mashiho in quiet footsteps. Junkyu got closer and closer to him and he didn't even notice him behind him. Once he was right behind Mashiho, he abruptly wrapped his arms around his neck.

He felt as his heart stopped in his chest and a cold sweat showered him. He turned his head in defence just to see Junkyu smiling at him with a cheeky smile. Mashiho rolled his eyes and sighed, giving a Junkyu a good hit to the shoulder. He laughed which made Mashiho wish he hit him harder.

"What the fuck, you scared me." He groaned and tended back to his eggs.

"Sorry about that." He said, not meaning a bit of what he said as he pulled out a bag of candy from the cupboard.

"Did you delete the picture?" Junkyu asked.

" Nope." Mashiho said briefly .

Junkyu put his bag on the counter and approached Mashiho, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his chin on his shoulder, lowering down to his height . Mashiho's heart dropped to his stomach and tried to bite his smile down since Junkyu was staring at him. He tightened his arms around his waist and pushed him closer. He planted a kiss on his shoulder, with electricity flowing to his body starting from that spot.

A wave of euphoria washed over him.

Everything around him felt numb.

It felt like it was only him and junkyu.

"You two look awfully close." Hyunsuk said from behind them.


	36. chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should this story be angsty?????
> 
> song recommendation - side to side by ariana grande ft. nicki minaj slowed.

“You two look awfully close.” Hyunsuk said from behind them.

Junkyu immediately let go of him, Mashiho felt his heart stop in his chest and he froze in his spot. Junkyu flashed Hyunsuk a synthetic smile and grabbed the bag of candy again with his shaky hand. Hyunsuk had a towel slung on his shoulder and he entered the kitchen, yawning.

“Why don’t you two kiss while you’re at it?” He chuckled  sarcastically while he rummaged through the fridge. Mashiho’s eyes widened and he stopped stirring his eggs. Junkyu turned his head to the other side, away from Hyunsuk and Mashiho, trying to hold in his laughter. 

“Shut up.” Mashiho groaned and walked to the couch with his bowl of eggs. The thought that they were that close to getting caught gave him goosebumps. He wished he could’ve been as chill as Junkyu about this whole situation. Junkyu followed his to the couch with his bag of candy and Hyunsuk pulled a neon energy drink from the fridge.

He smiled at Mashiho as he popped a candy into his mouth and Mashiho rolled his eyes at him, shaking his head. His heart still beat hard against his chest from the shock. Hyunsuk sat criss-crossed on the couch with them and took a sip from his energy drink.

“Shouldn’t you guys eat healthier or something?” He said while he looked at Junkyu’s candy and Hyunsuk’s energy drink. He couldn’t be the only one putting an effort into his breakfast.

“Speak for yourself. Who eats eggs like that?” Hyunsuk pointed out as he took another gulp from his drink. Mashiho looked down at his eggs then back to Hyunsuk.

“It’s healthy though.” He said.

“Who cares?  Honestly .” Junkyu said and shook his head.

“Why do you have a towel?” Mashiho asked Hyunsuk.

“I’m gonna shower after I finish this.” He said, holding up his drink. It was surprising how neon it was.

When Hyunsuk left,  Junkyu burst into laughter and Mashiho sighed in relief. Like the air  just cleared out from the tension.

“Oh my god, it’s _not_ funny.” Mashiho whispered in disbelief.

“But is is.” Junkyu said and sat right beside him on the couch. Right as he sat there, Mashiho got up to the kitchen. Junkyu looked at him in mock offence and gaped at him as he left. 

_“Hey.”_

He followed him to the kitchen as stood beside him with his hands resting on his hips. Mashiho tried to clean his mess and not give Junkyu any attention. He felt his eyes burning holes on him. After a while, Mashiho rolled his eyes and looked at him with a bored face.

“What?” 

“Nothing.” Junkyu said  cluelessly .

“ Seriously ?” He scoffed and looked back at the kitchen.

“Come on. Are you mad at me?” Junkyu pouted. 

“I’m not.”

“You’re mad at me.”

“Junkyu, I’m _not.”_

“Who’s mad at who?” Haruto asked. Mashiho couldn’t take these jump scares any more. First Hyunuk then Haruto. He took a deep breath in and closed his eyes. 

“Mashiho’s mad at me.” Junkyu said and walked to Haruto.

“Why?” Haruto asked.

“I don’t know.  Why don’t you tell him Mashiho?” He said  sarcastically .

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He muttered and sat at the couch.

“Did you sleep well last night?” Junkyu asked him, he  just needed to know if he was actually asleep or not. Mashiho’s eyes glared at Junkyu as he asked the question. Junkyu gave him a reassuring look then looked back at Haruto.

“um…yeah?” He looked at Junkyu and Mashiho in confusion.

“good.” 

“Why?”

“Because you slept well. Sleep’s important.” Junkyu said and leaned back in the couch.

“Isn’t that right Mashiho?”

He glared at him then looked at Haruto with a smile.

“Yup. It is.”

“You guys are weird.” Haruto muttered and walked to the kitchen, searching the fridge for something to eat. Mashiho smiled and threw a pillow at Junkyu and he  just laughed.

Haruto walked back to the couch and Junkyu pulled out his phone.

That was close - Junkyu.

He texted Mashiho and looked up at him for his reaction. His phone dinged and he pulled it out of his pocket. 

All because of you - Mashiho.

Asking him about how he slept was so stupid - Mashiho.

How do you think I should’ve asked him then? - Junkyu.

If he saw us cuddle and kiss in your bed last night? - Junkyu.

Mashiho’s face went red when he saw that text appear on his screen.

Fuck off. - Mashiho.

Junkyu laughed and Haruto looked at him.

“What’s so funny?” He asked.

“Nothing.” He told Haruto and smiled down at his phone.

“Let me see.” Haruto said and leaned towards Junkyu, trying to peer at his phone. Junkyu moved his phone away  defensively .

“Alright alright. don’t get upset or anything.” Haruto said.

“I’m not upset.”

“You guys are so boring. Why are you on your phones?” No one answered him. They  just continued texting each other and ignored him.

What should I name your contacts? - Junkyu.

What do you mean? - Mashiho. 

What should I name your caller ID? - Junkyu.

Just call me by my name. - Mashiho.

No. - Junkyu.

_I wanna call you something special. - Junkyu_


	37. chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do you guys think should happen in this story?
> 
> song recommendation - oxygen by Jackson Wang
> 
> if yall don't listen to this song imma pull out my glock fr 🏌️♂️

“So what should I call you?” Junkyu asked him. They were sitting on the rooftop in their usual spots at night. Listening  intently to the distant traffic.

“What are you talking about?” Mashiho asked.

“You know. Your contacts.”

“Oh. That dumb shit you were talking about yesterday?” Mashiho said leaning on his arms. But he didn’t  really think it was dumb shit.  The mere thought of Junkyu planning to call him something special even if it was  just on his phone, made his face go red every time .

“Mashi, it’s not dumb shit. It’s important.” Junkyu whined.

“Alright alright.” Mashiho chuckled.

“So. I was thinking about it…” Junkyu said and held Mashiho’s hand. “I couldn’t  really come up with something. So what do you want to  be called ?”

“ Just call me Mashiho.” He shrugged.

“no.”

“Okay, then how about Mashi?” He suggested.

“Everyone calls you that.”

“How about mamo?”

“nope.”

“Well then….how about……I ran out of ideas.” Mashiho shook his head.

“What’s something that no one calls you?”

“A lot of shit.” He scoffed.

Mashiho laid his back  carefully on the ground and put his hands behind his head.

“I’m so confused. I don’t know what to call you.” Junkyu said in frustration. He was still sitting up and Mashiho looked at him from his point of view with a wide grin. How stressed Junkyu was getting over something like that was kind of cute. It made him feel  weirdly special. 

Junkyu turned his head to him and saw him smiling. He tried to wipe that smile off his face once he saw him, but he was too late. Junkyu looked at him with a smile going from ear to ear.

“Ugh what?” He grunted, trying to sound annoyed at him. He held his cheek in his hand, and it was starting to get harder for Mashiho to stay annoyed. The feeling of his touch felt so natural, but he never got used to it. He didn’t think he would ever get used to it.

“You know what…. I think I’m gonna call you red.” Junkyu said with a smile.

“Why?” Mashiho asked, not even trying to free himself from his gaze. 

“Because your cheeks are always red.” 

Mashiho’s eyes widened and he sat up immediately as soon as he said that.

“Fuck off.” He groaned, trying to look annoyed again. He wiped his cheeks like he could get rid of the colour staining them. It did the absolute opposite. He felt blood rise to his face, he thought his face would be glowing red by now. 

“What?  I think the name's good.” Junkyu said.

“It sucks.” Mashiho said. He knew his cheeks always got red and he knew Junkyu noticed it, but he didn’t know he noticed it that much. He didn’t want someone as important to him as Junkyu to think he was dumb. It was humiliating.

“It’s not a bad thing.” Junkyu shrugged. 

“it's stupid.” He shook his head.

“No.” He shuffled closer to him.

“What are you even talking about?”

“It’s not stupid.”

“What’s not stupid.” He asked though he knew exactly what he meant but chose to act like he didn’t.

“You’re cute.” He said so  randomly .  Mahiho turned his head to the side away from Junkyu and smiled, he didn’t want Junkyu to see him smiling like that after he  just told him these simple words . again. He felt the heat rise to his face.

He turned his to Junkyu when he thought he collected himself.

“You’re  _cheesy._ _”_ He told him with a smile. 

Junkyu pulled out his phone from his pocket and went to his phone records,

The words Mashiho  were etched in the bottom of his list. He hasn’t called him often. 

“That’s about to change.” he thought.

Mashiho looked at him while he was on his phone. His eyes looked down on his lips and he crawled closer to him. He  gently put his phone down and pressed his lips onto his. Junkyu closed his eyes and pushed him closer, Mashiho entangled his hand in his hair. 

They separated and looked at each other, panting. Junkyu chuckled and looked forward at the view. He felt his heart beating in his ears.

“Do you think we should leave?” Mashiho asked.

“Nope. I like it here.”

“I like staying here with you.” He completed his sentence.

“I like staying here with you too.” Mashiho muttered with a small smile.

He laid his head on Junkyu’s lap and closed his eyes. Junkyu looked at him with a daft smile. He couldn’t believe he liked someone that much. And that person was lying down on his lap.  He felt like the luckiest person in the world even though a lot of consequences can come from a relationship like this . Never in a million years he would’ve thought that he would be liking a guy, let alone Mashiho. He couldn’t believe he hasn’t fallen for him earlier.

He felt so happy to have him,

Who wouldn’t?

He looked down at him and smiled.

_“Takata Mashiho…..you’re fucking breathtaking.”_


	38. chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should i write fanfiction for other treasure ships?
> 
> song recommendation - photo id by remi wolf
> 
> pls listen to that song it's so cute 😔🤚

Junkyu walked through the hallway, it was the after noon and the sun was starting to set. He was just waiting to tell Mashiho something. He stayed in the house with only a few members. The rest were in the mall, including Mashiho. Junkyu couldn't wait until he came back. He's been restless ever since he was gone. Staying still became the hardest thing for him to do. He would stand up, sit down, walk around, then come back. Over and over again.

He's only been gone for two hours, but to Junkyu, it felt like days. Distracting things that used to work, didn't distract him anymore. All he thought of at that moment was Mashiho and Mashiho only. It kind of weirded him how Mashiho could make him act like that. On his toes all the time. Just waiting to see someone's face made him so excited and restless.

He stood up from the couch and walked around the living room once again. Waiting for him felt like hours. Jaehyuk looked up from his phone and to Junkyu with his brow raised.

"Hey, junkyu." He said, making him turn his head to him. "You okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Junkyu said, biting his lip.

"Alright. Whatever you say."

Junkyu decided to force himself to sit down at the couch and wait for him to come back. He scrolled mindlessly through his phone, he forgot to ask Mashiho to send him the picture they took together that night . Even thought it may not seem like a special picture, it felt special to him. For some reason.

Once he heard the click of the front door opening he immediately stood up. When he noticed Mashiho walking through the door, he grinned and walked up to him.

"Can I borrow Mashiho for a sec?" He asked Asahi, who Mashiho was talking to.

"Uh...yeah sure." He said, Junkyu grabbed Mashiho's wrist and walked to their dorm, shutting the dorm after them.

"What?" He asked.

"You'll never guess what I named you." He said eagerly . Mashiho smiled and his eyes widened.

"What did you name me? Let me see." He tried to grab Junkyu's phone but he pulled it away.

"Show me!" He whined.

"I know it isn't that creative, but I'll try to come up with something better later on-." Junkyu said, getting not too sure of the name he gave Mashiho.

" Just show me." Mashiho cut him off and put a hand on his arm in endearment.

"Alright. It's not-." He tried to say before someone opened the door to their dorm and Mashiho dropped his hand from Junkyu's arm as soon as he saw someone at the door .

"Um..hey." Asahi said and walked in the dorm. Mashiho let out a deep sigh and glanced at Junkyu.

"Remember that game we were talking about earlier?" Asahi asked him.

"Yup."

"The guys are playing it in the living room. Do you guys want to join?" He asked, pointing at the living room.

"Yeah....we'll go." Mashiho said and looked back at Junkyu with a small smile, softly rubbing the back of his hand with his thumb.

"Alright. Meet you there." Asahi said and left.

Once he left, Mashiho stood on the tip of his toes and lightly kissed Junkyu's cheek then smiled at him.

"Come on....let's go." He told him.

Junkyu sat on the couch, far away from him. He got assigned to a team, which also didn't have him. The game was fine. It would've been ten times better with Mashiho with him.

He watched Doyoung basically latch onto him, he had his arm around his neck with no space between. That lit a fire in his heart, he wanted to get rid of it but he couldn't. Watching them being so close to each other made him want to walk up there and seperate them himself. But of course he couldn't. All he was left to do was stare at them as the fire in his heart and impulses grew by the minute.

"Hey. Junkyu!" Jihoon called out to him. he turned his head to them and he realised he was glaring at Doyoung the whole time.

"Oh um....yeah what is it?" He asked.

"It's your turn, roll the dice." He said, handing him a small cube. He turned it in his hand before carelessly dropping it on the board.

The members of his team groaned and whined at the result, but he couldn't care less. The only thing his mind seemed to be preoccupied with, was Doyoung and Mashiho.

"Alright Mashiho, it's your turn."

He rolled the dice on the board and the members cheered when they saw the result.

"Yes!" He cheered. Doyoung hugged him and Junkyu tensed in his spot.

"Fucking _genius!"_ Doyoung said and held both sides of Mashiho's face eagerly . Junkyu's eyes widened and he was about to get up. He stopped himself from fully getting up sat back down still glaring at Doyoung, he felt the blood rise to his face.

"You two should kiss." Hyunsuk chuckled. Junkyu's brows joined together and he balled his hands into fists. Doyoung got closer to Mashiho which made his knuckles go white.

"no they shouldn't fucking kiss. _Me_ and him should kiss." He thought to himself. even though he sounded petty and immature, he still didn't care and thought it was true. He couldn't believe they would say that right in front of them. But then again, none of them knew about him and Mashiho.

Mashiho glanced at Junkyu to see him glaring at Doyoung his brows raised and he took his phone out of his pocket. Doyoung's hand was still on his shoulder, which pissed him off even more.

What's wrong? - Mashiho.

Nothing. - Junkyu.

Mashiho glanced at Junkyu in concern, he definitely didn't look okay.

Are you sure? - Mashiho.

yup. Don't worry about it. - Junkyu.

He tried to not concern him and not let his jealousy get the best of him. It was hard for him to admit it was jealousy. But he couldn't deny it.

"I'm gonna go downstairs. They have a vending machine." Doyoung said and stood up.

"Mashiho come with me." He said.

"Anyone want anything?" Mashiho asked and grabbed his jacket. He got the orders from everyone and he finally faced him.

"Junkyu do you want anything?" He asked in a soft voice.

"nope. I'm good, thanks." He rejected his offer with a reassuring smile. Mashiho still looked at him in concern for a while then left with Doyoung to the lobby.

He left to the bathroom and stared at himself in the mirror.

"Get your shit together." He muttered to his reflection and splashed cold water on his face, huffing out a breath once he looked up at the mirror again .

"Hey....did Junkyu look upset to you?" He asked Doyoung.

"I don't know. Wasn't really paying attention to him."

"He looked upset." Mashiho said and bit his lip.

"Wait let me call him." He took out his phone from his pocket and looked at the words "Junkyu" etched on top of his number. He really wanted to change his name into something better. The phone rung and he put it up to his ears, waiting for him to answer.

Junkyu stared at himself in the mirror for what felt like forever, he shook his head and left the bathroom.

"Hey Junkyu! Your phone's ringing!" Jaehyuk called out to him while he was walking in the hallway.

Jaehyuk looked down at Junkyu's phone and his brows joined together in confusion. He held up the phone and squinted his eyes.

"Who the fuck is _"babe_ _?"_ He called out to him again, reading the name of the number.


	39. chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what other treasure ships do you guys want me to write fanfiction about?
> 
> song recommendation - okay by chase atlantic

A drink rolled down and Mashiho caught it and turned it in his hand. It was an energy drink he thought Junkyu would like. he put it in the bag and left with Doyoung. 

Mashiho and Doyoung walked back holding two bags with them. He bit his lip and walked without paying attention to wherever he was going. Junkyu was still on his mind, he  was worried he was actually upset about something. Doyoung looked at him In curiosity.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked him.

“Nothing.” Mashiho answered.

“Did Junkyu look upset to you? Be honest with me.” He stopped in his tracks and faced Doyoung. He sighed and looked to the side, Mashiho was still waiting for him to answer.

“I don’t know. I  really wasn’t paying attention to him. honest.” Doyoung said.

“alright.” He sighed and continued walking. They entered the elevator and Mashiho stared into the distance with Junkyu still on his mind. He never realised how bad it felt to see him upset until now.

“Dude  I think you should chill.” Doyoung said.

“Im chill what are you talking about?” He said and left the elevator when it dinged open. He opened the lock of the door in a rush, he wanted to see Junkyu. 

When he got in the house he put the bags on the counter and left to his dorm since he couldn’t find Junkyu in the living room. As he thought. Junkyu was sitting on his chair, pushing random keys on his key board. Mashiho huffed out a sigh and dropped his shoulder. When Junkyu saw him there, his eyes lit up and a smile painted his face.

“Hey.” He said.

“Hey.” Mashiho said with a hesitant chuckle. He walked up to him and looked down at him.

“I wanna ask you something.” He said scratching the back of his head. Junkyu turned his head to him with his brows raised.

“Are you upset? Please be honest with me.” He asked and cupped his cheek with one hand. Junkyu’s heart took a leap forward, he looked up at him with a longing look.

“I’m alright. don’t worry.” Junkyu said, giving him a reassuring smile. He held both sides of his waist, bringing him closer.  Mashiho giggled and looked down at him in endearment, the butterflies in his stomach getting more violent . 

“I’m happy to hear that.” He whispered.

“Were you worried about me?” Junkyu asked with a cheeky smile.

“yes.” He said after a while. It was hard admitting that he  was worried . 

Junkyu stood up and pressed his lips onto his with his hands still holding his waist. Mashiho closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around his neck. Junkyu pushed him against the door, making the door close. He never realised how much he missed him in only a short period of time. 

He picked him up holding his thighs as Mashiho groaned and wrapped his legs around his waist. Junkyu walked to Haruto’s bed and dropped him there. His heart was beating so hard he felt it in his face. Junkyu held his wrists down and set himself up on top of him. Mashiho hummed into the kiss and Junkyu trailed kisses along his jaw. He panted as the electricity flowed through his body with every kiss junkyu gave him.

He trailed kisses down to his neck making Mashiho suck in a breath and close his eyes in ecstasy. Junkyu sucked a spot in the side of his neck as Mashiho sighed and pushed his head closer. He trailed butterfly kisses all over his neck, it made him feel like he was on a rollercoaster.

“Wait junkyu…” he panted.

“wait.” He said again. Junkyu stopped and looked up at his red face. Mahiho held the sides of his face with his hands as he stroked his cheeks with his thumb.

“You can’t leave a mark.” He whispered, seeing Junkyu look at him like that gave him a shiver down his spine. 

“I won’t.” Junkyu whispered with a smile.

“Wait can you check?” Mashiho asked him and tilted his head back so Junkyu could see his neck. 

His eyes widened when he saw the side of Mashiho’s neck decorated with red and purple marks.

“What?” He asked when he noticed his silence. 

“N-nothing it’s  just that-.” Junkyu said trying not to freak him out.

“Oh my god, is there a mark?” He asked him with wide eyes. Before Junkyu could say anything he walked to the mirror and stood in front of it looking at his neck. A pang went through his heart when he noticed the marks and his eyes widened. He walked to Junkyu and put a hand on his shoulder.

“We have a photoshoot tomorrow.” He whispered.

Junkyu’s eyes widened as he put a hand over his mouth. Mashiho felt excited but worried at the same time. He didn’t know how to feel.

“Can I see?” Junkyu asked. Mashiho craned his neck so he can see the hickeys he gave him. 

“But you look so good with them.” He muttered and pulled him into a kiss. Mashiho smiled and closed his eyes.

“Junkyu stop messing around. We have to find a way to hide them.” He chuckled. 

The door clicked open and Mashiho immediately slapped a hand on his neck trying to cover them.

“Um…hey.” Yoshi said, weirded out by their sudden reaction.

“Hey Yoshi do you have a heat patch?” He asked.

“nope. But Hyunsuk has some. Why what’s wrong?” He said.

“um….my neck. Neck pain.” He said  hesitantly . 

“I’ll get them for you.” Junkyu said and left. Mashiho turned around to get something, with his hand still on his neck. Yoshi’s brows furrowed in confusion and he squinted his eyes. 

_“Oh my god, what is that on your neck?” Yoshi asked._


	40. chaoter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do you guys think should happen in my upcoming dodam story?
> 
> song recommendation - until i bleed out by the weekend slowed
> 
> you have to listen to that song, this chapter just hit different with it 😔

“Oh my god what is that on your neck?”

He tensed up when he heard him say that and his heartbeat started to increase. Mashiho turned his head to him and tried and hide his neck better.

“What do you mean?” He said  slowly , raising a brow at him.

“You have a red spot on your neck.” Yoshi said and pointed at his neck.

“It’s nothing.” He dismissed and went back to what he was doing.

“But I saw it on your neck. Are you alright?” Yoshi asked, still insisting on it. Mashiho shut his eyes and took a deep breath in before turning to him and giving him a smile.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said  simply then tried to tend back to his own things.

“But-“ Yoshi tried to say.

“Yoshi it’s nothing.” Mashiho said  sternly , it came out louder than he intended it to be. He breathed out and looked down in regret. An expression of shock flashed through Yoshi’s face from the volume.

“Look…I’m…..I’m sorry. ”

“No. I-it’s fine.” Yoshi muttered  awkwardly and walked to his bed. Mashiho shut his eyes closed and breathed out. He regretted getting that defensive with him. 

“I got it!” Junkyu said when he stepped in the room with the heat patch in hand. Mashiho walked up to him and took the heat patch from his hand.

“Thanks.” He muttered and walked to the bathroom. Junkyu’s eyes trailed him as he left in confusion. What happened while he was gone?

When he entered the bathroom he  slowly removed his hand from his neck. Not knowing if he was ready to see them or not. Whenever he saw them, the butterflies in his stomach would start to get violent again.  A number of mixed emotions would also start to resurface. Happiness. Excitement. Desire. But also stress. And worry. 

He still couldn’t figure out how to hide them for the following day. The heat patch would only work to hide them from the other members. When he goes to get the photoshoot, he’ll have to take it off.

He craned his neck to the side  slightly , to see the marks more  clearly . Colours of purple, red, and blue decorated his neck. Some more faded out than the others. And others more prominent. As he thought, his heart skipped a few beats and a blush crept through his neck then to his face. He still couldn’t believe it happened. He wasn’t upset about it. Instead, he  was excited .

A small smile crept on his face as he tilted his head to the side to see them even more  clearly .  He brushed his fingers over them  slowly , recalling that moment with Junkyu, making his face go a bright shade of red . Only Junkyu made him feel that way.

After a while of staring at the hickeys on his neck, he forced his smile to fade and he took the heat patch. He took of the plastic sealing and paid close attention to his reflection as he pasted it on  slowly . It made him feel a little disappointed. But he reminded himself that he wouldn’t have to put his hand on his neck as an attempt to hide them anymore. He looked at his reflection in the mirror  blankly for a while then opened the wooden door of the bathroom. 

The room was empty, it didn’t have Yoshi or Junkyu in it anymore. He looked around at it for a second before leaving to the living room. They both sat at the couch with the other members. It kind of weirded him out to see that they were still playing that game. He sat down with them, next to Junkyu. When he sat there, Junkyu held him close and glared at Doyoung in the process. 

“Guys we should go to sleep.” Jaehyuk said as he yawned.

Mashiho was the first person in bed after they decided it was time for them to go to sleep. He laid in bed, wide awake in the darkness. Everyone in the room was asleep. he didn’t know for sure, but he felt pretty sure that they were asleep. Junkyu would be the first person in his bed if he wasn’t actually asleep. That thought made him  lightly giggle.

“I miss having him in my bed.” He thought. Though he would never say that to Junkyu’s face. He would be way too embarrassed to tell him that. But of course Junkyu knew that Mashiho misses him. That’s what Junkyu likes to tell himself to give himself a smile. 

Having his company was bliss for him. He forgot about everything when he was with him. That’s something that only Junkyu knew how to do. How to make him feel like the most special person in the world

Mashiho knew that he wasn’t the most special person in the world, but Junkyu made him feel like he was a prince. He would also never admit that to him.

He climbed down the bunk stairs and left the room. The living room and the kitchen were all dark.  He walked through  cautiously ,  barely seeing anything in his way, he  just assumed he was walking in the right direction . 

He opened the kitchen light after a while of tapping his hand all over the wall looking for the light switch.  The dangling light hovering over the kitchen counter finally opened and he went in the kitchen, opening the cupboard .

A feeling of relaxation dawned over him. Everything was silent at the right time, it was so satisfying. He opened the bag of chips he took out of the cupboard and stared at the stove while he ate.

The sound of quiet footsteps behind him caught his attention. He already guessed it was Junkyu. When the sound of the footsteps got closer, he felt his aura behind him, and he saw his shadow. Junkyu was taller that him so his shadow covered his whole body.

When Junkyu got there, he hugged Mashiho’s waist and kissed his cheek. A content smile decorated his face when he  was welcomed by his embrace.

“Were you awake this whole time?” Mashiho asked when Junkyu went to the cupboard and looked though it.

“Yup. I was staring at you.” Junkyu said. Mashiho faced him and looked at him with an are-you-serious smile.

“That’s creepy.”

“Oh, im sorry. I was admiring your sleeping figure. Is that better?” Junkyu said  sarcastically making Mashiho chuckle.

“Come sit with me on the couch.” He said and walked to the couch. Mahiho followed and sat next to him.

“I have something for you.” Junkyu said. He looked at him in curiosity as he pulled something out of his pocket. He pulled out a small glass bottle and held it up to him.

“What is it?” He asked.

“It’s concealer. I was looking everywhere for it.” He answered with a smile. Mashiho gaped at him as his eyes lit up.

“Thank you so much.”

“Stop thanking me it was my fault.” He said with a chuckle.

“Ugh shut up.” Mashiho said and climbed on top of him making him lay down on the couch, pressing his lips onto him. Junkyu closed his eyes and moved his lips against his. Junkyu detached from the kiss and held both side of Mashiho’s face staring at his red lips.

“Someone might see us.” He whispered.

“I don’t care.” he said and pecked his lips hard one last time.

“So. Are you gonna tell me why you  were upset today?” He asked, facing him with a smile.

“If I tell you, you’ll think I’m an idiot.”

“ Just tell me.”

“I was jealous.”


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall im planning to write a hajeongwoo fanfiction now help- 🧍  
> i cried while i was writing this chapter plssss kdfhdjfhdfdgdg 😭😭
> 
> song recommendation - crazy in love by the eden project

“You looked so good in the photoshoot.” Junkyu said with a smile. Mashiho opened his sleepy eyes and gave him a small smile.

“Did I?” Mashiho said and laid his head against the van window, he  just wanted to hear that from Junkyu again.

“You looked so hot…..I  just wanted to walk right up there and kiss you.” Junkyu whispered. Mashiho looked at him with wide eyes, he expected something sweet, not….this. His face started getting red and Junkyu tried to bite down his smile.

“Careful…someone might here you.” He said  simply and snuggled closer to the window, trying to look normal while he hid his red face. Junkyu chuckled and sat up in his chair. When Mashiho was sure Junkyu wasn’t looking, he finally gave in into a smile. Junkyu pinched his cheek and Mashiho dropped his smile immediately.

“Here. Sleep on my shoulder.” Junkyu said and patted his shoulder. Mashiho laid his head on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around his sleeping figure and held him closer. 

“Mashi, wake up.” Junkyu whispered.

They got up and left the van. Even though Mashiho’s only wish at the moment was to go to sleep, he couldn’t. He wasn’t sleepy anymore. That pissed him off but what more could he do. He sighed and rested his hands on his hips as he looked through his closet for a pair of pyjamas. This day was like every other day. Normal and boring. Junkyu usually would fix that but he wasn’t here. He was hanging out with the other guys in the living room.

But the concealer he gave him did the trick. It was stressful to try to keep it from smudging the clothes. He had to go to the bathroom and put it on again a million times so the hickeys would stay hidden. 

Once Mashiho walked in the living room, Junkyu’s eyes trailed him. He sat down at a random spot beside Asahi.

“What are you guys doing?” Mashiho asked in a bored tone.

“We’re waiting for Hyunsuk and Jihoon to decide on a movie.” Junghwan yawned. Junkyu rolled his eyes and stood up from the couch and walked to Mashiho with everyone’s eyes trailing him. He took his hand and Mashiho followed after him in confusion and the stress of everyone’s eyes on them. Junkyu held his hand tighter.

“Where are you guys going?” Asahi asked when Junkyu opened the front door.

“The vending machine.” Junkyu answered and shut the door behind him before they can ask anymore questions.

“Junkyu, what the fuck?” Mashiho said.

“ Just follow me.”

“You did that in front of everyone.” He said, trying to keep his volume low so no one heard them.  Junkyu was still holding his hand as they climbed the stairs, with every step they took, the more confused Mashiho got .

“Please Mashi. I have something to tell you.” Junkyu said, getting more nervous the closer they got to the roof. He tried to keep his nerves in check and he didn’t want Mashiho to see that he was nervous.

“Junkyu what’s wrong?” He asked when he caught on his silence.

“Is it bad news?” He asked again. Junkyu remained silent which made him more worried.

When they got to the rooftop and sat in their usual spots, Junkyu stayed silent. Like he was trying to gather the courage for what he was about to say. Mashiho glanced at him and sighed.

“Why are you so quiet?” Mashiho asked.

“I don’t know.”

“What did you want to tell me?”

“I’ll tell you soon.”

Junkyu’s responses were brief and simple. It made him believe that it was actually bad news. Junkyu’s brows  were furrowed and he bit on his lip as he looked down.

“Junkyu I’m getting worried. what’s wrong?” He asked him, getting sick of the deafening silence.

He shut his eyes closed and a determined look painted his face. He  abruptly stood up and held out a hand to Mashiho so he could stand up with him. Mashiho took his hand and stood up  slowly , in confusion.

Junkyu held both his hands  tightly brushing his thumb over the back of his hand, looking down at the ground.

“You don’t have to say yes or anything…..but…” he said  quietly .

“What do you mean?”

“I  just have to tell you that…..”

“Junkyu spit it out.”

He looked up at Mashiho’s confused face finally.

“I  really … _ really _ like you.” He said.

“And you’re the only person….I like in that way…”

Mashiho’s eyes widened and a pang of realisation his heart as heard him say that, like he knew what was going on.

“So I was thinking….”

Mashiho’s heart was racing in his chest and he felt his body heat up more with every word Junkyu uttered.

“Would you be my….”

“Oh my god oh my god oh my god.” Mashiho thought. all his thoughts were running a sloppy marathon in his head.

“Would you be my boyfriend?” Junkyu said  quickly , ready for any reaction he gave. A shower of realisation hit Mashiho as he smiled  widely at him.

“Yes!” He said and embraced him in a tight abrupt hug. Junkyu’s eyes flew open when he heard these words leave his mouth, he stumbled back when Mashiho hugged him.

When he  fully comprehended what was going on, he hugged him back. He felt the tears sting his eyes, he let them fall because nothing else mattered at this moment. Junkyu hugged him tighter and let his tears of happiness roll down his cheeks.

“Why are you crying?” Mashiho asked when he detached from their hug, holding his shoulder. Junkyu looked down and cried, making his breath heave in his chest and his shoulders shake.

_“No_ why are you crying?” He cooed, feeling the tears stinging his own eyes as he watched him cry. He smiled in disbelief at how he was crying too now. Junkyu looked up to see Mashiho's teary eyes stare at him and a shocked expression painted his face.

“Why are you crying?” He whined and cried harder.

“Stop crying!” Mashiho whined and cried harder too, wiping his tears away.

Junkyu let out a laugh through his tears like he  just made it. In whole honesty, he made it. This is all he’s ever wanted. He took the sides of Mashiho’s face and pushed his lips hard onto his.

_He couldn’t believe that Mashiho was now his boyfriend._

_And he couldn’t believe that Junkyu now belonged to him._


	42. chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🧍🧍
> 
> song recommendation - die for you by the weekend

Mashiho walked along with Junkyu in the festival. Jihoon thought it would be a good idea for the group to go outside for a change. Tons of people walked past them and the city was in clear view. They wore their jackets and mask so they would remain hidden. 

“What’s wrong?” Junkyu asked when he saw Mashiho’s blank expression.

“Nothing, it’s  just that it’s so crowded in here.” He said with his nose scrunched up. The weather started to grow colder the darker the sky got. It was night, right after they finished practising. 

“We’ll be outta here soon, don’t worry.” Junkyu said and put a hand on his shoulder. They were walking for what felt like forever. Jihoon said it would be fun. Mashiho guessed he was wrong.

The festival  was decorated with lights and small stands that sold things. There were food stands, games and a lot of things. But all they were doing right now was walking. 

Being called a “boyfriend” right now kind of stressed Mashiho out. He didn’t know what he was supposed to be doing. Or what the duties of a boyfriend were. What if he was doing something wrong. Junkyu would probably be disappointed. That’s been on his mind ever since Junkyu confessed to him the day. 

He huffed out a breath and reminded himself that Junkyu expected nothing from him but love and support .  But there were always these thoughts that contradicted the reality and they made Mashiho overthink .

Little did he know that Junkyu was feeling the exact same way as him.

They split into two groups. Jaehyuk, Yoshi, Jihoon, Junkyu, Mashiho, and Junghwan walked together. The rest were somewhere else in the festival. 

“guys. look.” Junghwan said, pointing at a stand selling jewellery and phone cases. Mashiho peered his head to see it better with the members blocking his way.  they walked up to the hand and looked at the stuff on it while the middle aged owner sat down in a foldable chair, looking at them .

“Hello! Is there anything you want?” She greeted  politely .

Some of the members picked out some things. Junkyu was looking around at the stand.

He spotted two necklaces with a small red crystal heart. He took the pack of necklaces and showed it to the members.

“look. These look so good.” Junkyu said with a smile.

“Couple necklaces?” Jaehyuk asked with his brow raised.

Mashiho looked up at Junkyu and the other members when he heard Jaehyuk say that, his heart was beating hard against his chest . Junkyu put the necklaces on the counter and smiled at the owner.

When they all paid for their things and walked away from the stand, Jihoon asked “who are they for?”

“No one. They're for me” He said.

Jihoon turned around and Junkyu winked at Mashiho, sending heat through his neck creeping to his face . Mashiho smiled and looked to the side, trying to hide his wide grin from him. He couldn’t control his rapid heartbeat and the foolish smile on his face.

“What? You don’t like it?” Junkyu asked, nudging his arm  sarcastically .

“I love it.” Mashiho confessed with the same wide smile plastered on his face.

“good. ‘Cause you’d look so good wearing it.” He said, looking at Mashiho’s flustered face with a smile.

“Stop.” Mashiho chuckled and nudged his arm as he looked down.

Junkyu spotted an empty playground in the distance, he tapped Jihoon’s shoulder making him turn around .

“I’m going to that playground, call me when we’re going home.” He said.

“alright.” Jihoon said.

“Mashiho come with me.” He said and walked away from them with him.

They walked beside each other, not saying a word.  When they got to the playground, it  seemingly got more dark since they were a little further away from he festival . There were two swings they sat at and  lightly swinged back and forth.

“That was smooth.” Mashiho said.

“I know right.” Junkyu said with a grin.

“Do you like the necklace?” He asked.

“yes. It’s  really beautiful.” 

“Yeah but not more beautiful than you.” Junkyu muttered. Mashiho chuckled and shook his head. 

“Oh my god.” He chuckled

“Hey um…am I a bad boyfriend?” Mashiho asked, starting to get more insecure since he asked him that.

“No. Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know, I guess…I’m pretty new to this. And I don’t know what to do. So please be honest with me…am I a bad boyfriend.”

“You’re the best boyfriend.”

“ Really ?” Mashiho asked  quietly .

“Of course. All I want you to do is be around me. becuase I love seeing you. I hate being away from you.” Junkyu told him  reassuringly

“Ugh stop. You’re gonna make me cry.” He chuckled.

“You know. I  really hate the words boyfriend and girlfriend.” Junkyu said.

“Why.”

“They’re so simple…and not romantic at all. Why can’t people call their loved ones something more special? I  really like the word lover, it’s way better.”

“wow….you’re  _ really _ cheesy.” Mashiho said.

“I may be cheesy, but I’m also romantic.” Junkyu pointed out.

“Yeah, you’re pretty romantic.”

“ Really ?”

“Yeah, I never realised that from before. You’re like……the most romantic person in the world.”

“Do you like that?”

_“Yeah. A lot.”_


	43. chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm gonna post my hajeongwoo story now out of impulse send me to therapy immediately 🏃♀️😀👁👁
> 
> song recommendation - fragile by tatsuro yamashita slowed

“Are you sure they’re asleep?” Mashiho whispered, his head  was buried in Junkyu’s warm chest. He was on Junkyu’s bed this time. It was 2am and everyone was asleep. At least they  were supposed to be.  They laid in each other’s warm embrace and enjoyed the time they had together before they had to sleep or before anyone woke up . Whichever comes first.

“Yeah I’m sure. They’re passed out.” Junkyu replied. He didn’t want Mashiho to get worried and so worked up about something. He  just wanted to make the most of the time they had.

“But what if they’re not?” Mashiho said and got up from his position, looking at Junkyu with a concerned face. Junkyu looked back at him in admiration instead.

“I promise. They’re asleep.” He said, holding both sides of his face and giving him a reassuring smile.

“How are you so sure?” He asked starting to get worried. He couldn’t risk anything happening.

“I don’t even give a fuck. You look so cute right now.” Junkyu whispered while he caressed his cheeks, looking at him  longingly . Even though Mashiho didn’t like how  lightly Junkyu was taking this, he couldn’t help but fall for his look.

“Ugh  seriously ?”  Mashiho rolled his eyes and giggled, pressing his lips onto his and dropping himself back onto him . Junkyu closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around his back to push him closer.

“You should take things more  seriously .” Mashiho panted between kisses.

“I do.” Junkyu said.

“I  just take _you_ more  seriously .” He completed his sentence and stared at the red lips he  just kissed.

“Do you?” Mashiho whispered with a smile as he pushed Junkyu’s hair back, watching as he got red. 

“Yeah. Of course.” He said and  lightly brushed the back of his fingers against his warm cheek. Mashiho sucked in a breath and got closer to him.

“More than anything?” He asked again, wanting to hear these words from his mouth again. Hearing that he was special was something common for him since he was an idol. But hearing these words in Junkyu’s voice was different. Like he was hearing them for the first time ever.

“Yeah. More than anything.” He whispered before flipping him down on the bed and pushing his lips onto him. Mashiho hummed and held his waist bringing him closer. Their hearts were pounding against their chests. 

Mashiho entangled his fingers through his soft hair and tugged on it, making Junkyu groan. A feeling of numbness washed over them. Their sense of touch doubled. They felt every kiss and every caress. It felt electric, it set their hearts on fire.

Mashiho’s hands slipped under Junkyu’s shirt. The feeling of his bare skin against his touch sent a chill down his spine. Junkyu gasped as the butterflies in his stomach spiralled out of control.

He sighed and kissed Mashiho harder.

When Mashiho realised what he was doing, he detached from the kiss and crawled back in the bed. He covered his face red with his hands and sighed.

“What? What’s wrong?” Junkyu panted. Mashiho looked at him  blankly , and took his Junkyu’s cheek in one hand with a sigh.

“Do you wanna get outta here?” He whispered.

“Yeah. Sure.” Junkyu nodded and licked his lips.

They sat in the rooftop in their usual spots, admiring the view in front of them.

“You know. The city’s  really beautiful.” Junkyu said with the wind blowing through his hair.

“But not more beautiful then you.” Mashiho turned his head to him and told him  mockingly .

“ Seriously ?” Junkyu chuckled and shook his head.

“What? Isn’t that what you always say?” He said  sarcastically .

“Yeah I say that….because it’s true.”

“Ugh. You’re cute.” Mashiho shook his head.

“I  really want you to meet my parents.” Junkyu said, looking forward.

“Should I meet them as what? A friend, a colleague, or a boyfriend?”

"As my boyfriend.” Junkyu said with a determined face, like he was trying to get these words out for a long time.

“Do you think they’ll accept?” He asked and turned his head to him.

“I….I don’t know. they’ve never  really expressed their opinions on…..that. so I don’t know.” Junkyu said, getting not too sure of the idea the more he spoke. He looked down and contemplated in his mind wether it was a good idea or not.

“We don’t have to rush it. We can take our time.” Mashiho said, trying to relieve him.

“Would your parents care?” Junkyu asked. The idea that his parents may not accept him was horrifying.  If the people that raised him and loved him all these years couldn’t think of him as their son anymore, that would crush him . It was unimaginable.

“I don’t think so.  I think they’ll be happy that I’m happy.” He said. Junkyu turned his head to him and smiled. In whole honesty, Mashiho didn’t know. That’s what they used to say to him. That they’ll be happy if he’s happy. But they  just might not accept accept him.  Maybe their limits lay there.

“Are you happy with me?” He asked. Mashiho looked at him with a small smile.

“Of course I am.” He was the happiest version of himself with him.

“Do you ever plan on telling the members?” Junkyu asked.

“Never.” Mashiho scoffed.

“I would never tell them either.”

“I  just want to you to meet my parents. They’d love to see you.” Mashiho said.

“Then I can’t wait to see them.”

“Would you go to Japan with me though?”

_“I’d go anywhere as long as it’s with you.”_


	44. chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've spoiling yall with fluff for a lil too long, i am donnneee 🙄🤚
> 
> song recommendation - on my own by darci

“Fuck.” Junkyu groaned to himself in frustration. He ruffled his hair and stared at the ceiling, he was still in his bed. Everyone  was supposed to be awake by now, Junkyu  just couldn’t seem to get himself out of bed. He had no energy at all.

“What’s wrong?” Haruto asked when he got out of the bathroom with a towel over his wet hair. 

“I have no energy.” Junkyu muttered.

“Get up and stretch.” Haruto  simply said before leaving the room. Junkyu rolled his eyes and lifted the blanket off of him as he sat up in his bed. His appetite  was lost and his head pounded. He let out a sigh and massaged his temples in hope that his headache would go away. 

They  were supposed to be learning a new choreography for a remix of their recent comeback, they  were meant to perform it too . he  was supposed be ready for a tiring day. But all he wanted to do now was go back to sleep. He wants to do that everyday when he wakes up, but this time, he felt like he  really needed it.  Mashiho was already up and ready with  all of the other members, Junkyu needed to force himself out of bed and he would be with them too . 

He climbed down the stairs of his bed and entered the bathroom. Looking at himself in the mirror, he sighed when realised he looked more tired than he felt. He brushed his teeth and combed his hair out with his fingers. Splashing cold water on his face after he washed it gave him a little bit of a wake up call. But not enough to get him through the day. Even if he didn’t feel like going through the day like the rest, he had to. It wasn’t a choice or something.

“Junkyu come eat something.” Yoshi said when Junkyu entered the living room.

“I’ll pass.” he rejected. He sat down at the couch and cuddled up with the pillows, trying to get some sort of rest. It was so weird to him, he felt like he got enough sleep the previous night. Having zero energy the next day was something he didn’t expect to be facing. But he reminded himself that it wasn’t a problem. Not everyday a person wakes up with full energy. Especially Kpop idols.

“Hey.” Mashiho said when he sat beside him at the couch.

“hey.” Junkyu responded with a smile. Mashiho was exactly what he needed right now.

“Aren’t you gonna eat anything?” He asked.

“Nope. not  really hungry.”

“Guys I’m going to the convenience store! Anyone want anything?” Jihoon announced. Mashiho got up from the couch and walked up to him to give him his list of orders. So did a lot of the members. Junkyu  just sat there and watched them.

He walked to the practise room, he figured stretching could help him. The clear glass door in the distance caught his eye as he walked further along the hallway. Once he got there, he pushed the door open looking at the  brightly lit room with a huge mirror for a wall.

“This should wake me up.” He muttered to himself and put his water bottle on the ground. He got on the ground and started stretching his leg, feeling a burning sensation.

No matter how much he stretched or danced, he didn’t feel like he was waking up. His body still felt weak and tired no matter what he did. he huffed a breath and grabbed his water bottle.

“You’re here already?” Someone asked when they opened the door.  Junkyu turned his head to see Mashiho standing there at the door wearing a stripped long sleeved shirt under an oversized light blue t-shirt .

“I though it would be better to be here before everyone.” Junkyu panted.

Mashiho walked up to him cupped his cheek in one hand, pulling him into a soft kiss. Junkyu held both sides of his hips to pull him closer.

When Mashiho pulled away, Junkyu felt a little disappointed. That ended way too soon.

“Aren’t there cameras here?” Junkyu whispered with a smile, still in Mashiho’s embrace.

“Yeah but they’re only for filming, they’re not security cameras. And they’re not filming right now.” He replied and walked to his water bottle.

“You guys are here earlier than usual.” Hyunsuk snorted when he got into the room.

“The choreographer’s on her way, we should stretch.” He said.

The choreographer finally got there after a few minutes and  all of them were in the practise room.

“One two three and four.” She said while doing the moves and the members following after her.

“No it’s a quicker movement.” She turned around to them and said.

_“again.”_

They got back into formation and danced from the top as she watched them and inspected their every move.

“Alright that was good. Except for Junkyu. I said it  was supposed to be quicker.” She said  sternly .

“Sorry.” He panted feeling the sweat trickle down his forehead.

She turned around and they got back to formation and danced again. She watched them through the mirror and nodded when they finished. Junkyu thought he was okay since she didn’t correct him again.

They learned another part of the dance. Sweat creased Junkyu’s brows and he felt his heartbeat beat in his face from how much movement he  was supposed to do.

“Come on let’s recap!” She announced. They performed the dance under her supervision again. But this time, her face twisted in a bitter expression.

“Junkyu, your timing was wrong.” She sighed. 

After a couple of hours, practice was finally finished.  It  was filled with Junkyu messing up the dance and the choreographer getting frustrated . He  just couldn’t force his body to keep up with the fast and hard movements they were doing. After the members left the practise room, he stayed there. Practising and redoing the dance over and over again.

_“shit.”_ He seethed under his breath when he redid the dance. He watched himself in the mirror a thousand times doing the dance and he still wasn’t satisfied.

He took a deep breath and did it again.

Still not what he wanted.

“Ugh.” He groaned and sat on the floor to take a rest. His breath heaved in his chest and his face  was red . Sweat made strands of hair stick to his forehead. He felt worse than he did in the morning. Much worse.

He forced himself to get up and do the dance again, watching himself in the mirror like a hawk.

“Fuck!” He yelled out in frustration. Still wasn’t right.

“Junkyu?” Mashiho said. Junkyu turned around to see him at the door holding the doorknob, looking at him with concern.

“Yeah?” He answered.

“You’ve been here for a long time. That’s enough.” He said

“No it’s fine, I need to get this dance right.” Junkyu said and turned back around.

“ Really Junkyu. You look way too exhausted.” Mashiho said and walked up to him.

“I’m fine.”

“But-“ 

“ Really . It’s okay.”

Mashiho noticed his movements stopping as he held onto his knees and bent down to try to relax and catch his breath .

“What’s wrong?” He asked and put a hand on his back.

“I don’t feel too good.”  Junkyu muttered in a strained voice and shook his head, with his breath getting shorter and shorter .


	45. chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so obsessed with sza it's not even funny 🏃♀️
> 
> song recommendation - broken clocks by sza

“Junkyu come back this is ridiculous.” Mashiho begged as he watched Junkyu’s state. His face twisted into a grimace while he put a hand to his chest.

“I’ll be fine.” He panted in a strained voice.

“No you won’t be fucking fine! _please.”_ Mashiho tried to convince him.

Junkyu  slowly got back up to face him with a small smile he forced. He cupped Mashiho’s cheek and stroked his cheek with his thumb making a red tint appear on his face.

Sweat was rolling down his forehead and his breathing wasn’t still back to normal. He wasn’t convinced. The concerned look on his face, begging Junkyu to stop, still stayed.

“I’ll be back in a minute. I swear I’ll be fine. promise.” He said in a soft voice, centimetres away from Mashiho’s face. His eyes fluttered down to his lips as he pressed his lips onto Mashiho’s  softly . His eyes closed when he felt his lips on his. After a long day, that was exactly what he needed.

When Mashiho pulled away, he held both sides of Junkyu’s face in his hands and looked at him with concern.

“ Just come back with me. You don’t look okay.” He whispered with his eyes shifting away from his lips to his longing eyes.

“I’ll be fine.”

“But-“

“Please don’t worry about me, Mashi.” He said and pecked his lips one last time.

“Okay… just come back soon.” Mashiho said with a smile and walked out the door. 

Once he walked out the door a pang hit Junkyu’s chest. He let out a groan and clutched his chest in one shaky hand. Dizziness started to take over his head. A spinning sensation.

His body felt like it was compressing onto him and his lungs felt like they were deflating. He tried to say something. He tried to say anything. But he heard nothing coming out of his mouth. 

He looked up, looking around the room. The more he looked around the blurrier his vision got.

At this point, his body felt like liquid. Powerless and weak. He kept on stumbling on his footsteps. His lungs were like popped balloons and all the air was running out.

Before he could walk any further, everything went black.

Mashiho sat on the couch with the other members doing whatever they were doing  mindlessly .

“Aren’t you guys gonna eat anything?” Asahi asked as he walked out of the kitchen with a bag of chips in his hand. They looked up at him and some of them followed his advice and walked to the kitchen.

Mashiho stayed, he was too tired to eat. It was like practise sucked all the appetite out of him. He leaned his head against the couch in hopes of catching some rest. How long Junkyu was taking worried him sick. 

“Shit I forgot my water bottle.” Hyunsuk muttered to himself and got up from the couch. 

“I’ll be in the practise room if anyone needs me!” He announced to the silent group of guys sitting in the living room.

“Check on Junkyu for me.” Mashiho muttered to him before he left. He  just wanted to curl up a ball and sleep now, his eyelids were getting heavier by the minute.

Hyunsuk walked through the cool lit halls, trying to get to the practise room. 

When he got to the glass doors of the room, he noticed Junkyu laying down on the floor. He peered through the glass door in curiosity then  slowly pushed the door open.

“Junkyu?” He called out to him.

No answer. 

“Junkyu are you okay?” He called out again, getting more worried. 

Still no answer.

He crouched down to him to see. He looked like he was asleep. Hyunsuk jerked his shoulder to check if he was actually asleep.

No answer.

Hyunsuk’s brows furrowed and his eyes grew wider. He jerked his shoulders more  aggressively but he still got no answer. 

“Junkyu wake up!”

When he heard nothing from Junkyu, he pulled out his phone from his pocket out of panic.

He went through his phone record and pressed on the number “Jihoon” with a shaky hand. The ringing kept on going, he  impatiently waited for him to pick up.

“Hey what’s up?” Jihoon answered.

“Jihoon you need to come here,  all of you come here. It’s urgent.” He said  sternly in a panicked voice then hung up before Jihoon had the chance to say anything. 

Right when he finished his phone call, he immediately called the ambulance.

“Guys, Hyunsuk said we need to go to the practise room.” Jihoon said to everyone. Mashiho’s bored eyes looked up at him as he spoke.

“He says it’s urgent.”

They all got up in confusion to walk to the practise room. None of them thought much of they situation, they were  just confused. Mashiho  on the other hand , was speculating every possible option. For what Hyunsuk called them to the practise room for. Most of all, he  was worried it was Junkyu.

When they got to the practise room, they saw Hyunsuk crouched down beside Junkyu who was lying on the floor. Jihoon walked in first and the others walked after him. Mashiho’s eyes flew open and the others  were struck by surprise.

Mashiho was the first one to rush to Junkyu.

“Hyunsuk what wrong with him?” He asked immediately. Everyone rushed to Junkyu’s body.

“I-i don’t know! I  just found him here when I got here!” He replied In panic.

“Oh my god.” Mashiho muttered as a pang hit his heart. He cupped both sides of Junkyu’s unresponsive face. his lifeless pale skin felt as soft as ever beneath his touch.

“Junkyu wake up. It’s me.” He tried to say while the tears welling up in his eyes clouded his vision. Junkyu was still unresponsive.

“What are you guys doing? Call a _fucking_ ambulance already!” He turned his head and yelled out to them through his tears.

“I already did!” Hyunsuk replied.

“Hey somebody help me get him out of here!” Jihoon called out to them and tried to pick Junkyu up.

“I’ll help.” Junghwan said and walked to them. 

“Mashiho are you okay?” Hyunsuk walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Of course I’m fucking not.” He muttered back and sniffled.

“Someone call sanghoon.” Jeongwoo said.

“I’ll call him.” Hyunsuk replied.

“Hey sanghoon, Junkyu passed out, he’s getting picked up by an ambulance.” He said when he picked up.

_“What?!”_ Sanghoon answered.

“Yeah. i don’t think the ambulance’s gonna let us go with them. We need you to take us to the hospital.” He said.

“I’ll be there immediately.” He said  sternly and hung up the phone.

It wasn’t long until they were outside watching Junkyu in a hospital bed getting dragged into the ambulance . 

The sirens drowned in Mashiho’s ears. It was horrible seeing him like this. He felt another wave of tears hit and he looked to the side as the tears rolled down his cheek. He laid his head on Hyunsuk’s shoulder.

“He’s gonna be okay.” Hyunsuk said and rubbed his shoulder.

When Sanghoon picked them up and got to the hospital, Mashiho sat in a chair in the waiting room alone looking down. 

His tears calmed down and he  was left to do nothing but dwell in his own thoughts.

It was something he never wanted to see again. Seeing Junkyu in an ambulance. He cared about him too much.

He worried he was too obvious about their relationship in front of the members. Everything was moving along so  quickly .

“It’s all my fucking fault.” He thought to himself in regret.

“Hey.” Hyunsuk said and sat down beside him.

“Hey.” Mashiho muttered back, not looking up at him.

“Are you okay now?” 

“Yup.”

“You know it’s kinda funny.” He said.

“What’s funny?” Mashiho turned his head to him and asked.

“The way you held him.”

“Held who?”“Junkyu.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Mashiho dismissed and looked back down.

“You know, when you came in the room. You held him like that, it was like you guys  were married or something.” Hyunsuk chuckled. 

Mashiho tensed in his seat, he was begging for Hyunsuk to forget about it. he shut his eyes in regret and breathed out.

“You worry about him a lot too. What was that all about?” He asked.

“What’s his room number.” Mashiho muttered instead.

“Um…192.”

“Thanks.” He said and got up.

“But why-“

“Hyunsuk now’s _not_ the time for this.” Mashiho said  sternly when stopped and turned to him.

He walked away trying to find room 192. People in blue uniforms walked past him. Patients, nurses, doctors. 

These halls felt like they were endless.

Then finally,

Room 192.


	46. chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this is a day late, yall can kill me or whatever 😗✌️
> 
> song recommendation - eleven by Khalid ft. summer walker

Mashiho  slowly opened the door of the hospital room, peering his head in first. He walked in to Junkyu’s bed, he was staring at the ceiling laying down on the hospital bed. 

He looked so…..tired. not like himself. An IV  was latched onto his arm. Mashiho’s heart fell deeper as he got closer to his hospital bed. He couldn’t ignore the guilt biting at him when he looked at him. It made him so angry at himself.

Junkyu turned his head to him with his eyes  barely open. His lips cracked into a small smile when he saw him there. Mashiho returned the gesture with a lifeless smile. His footsteps came to a stop when he was  directly beside his bed. He looked down at him with all the care he could muster up out of himself in his eyes.

“Hey.” Junkyu muttered.

“Hey.” Mashiho muttered trying to have a little more life to his voice, and  softly held his pale hand. He didn’t want Junkyu to  be worried or distracted on anything that wasn’t his health. 

“So um…are you feeling any better?” He asked with a smile he intended to be reassuring. Junkyu looked back up at the ceiling and intertwined his fingers with Mashiho’s as he took a deep breath.

“I mean…yeah…. I guess.” He said, trying to sound convincing to him. But Mashiho thought he was trying to convince himself. He sighed and grabbed a chair. Junkyu’s eyes trailed him as he walked to get a chair beside the door of his hospital room.

He sat down and looked around at the room.  There was a  fairly big window with white curtains and a decorative light hanging from the ceiling . No matter how much a hospital room  was designed to look inviting, it never would be.

“They got you a good room.” He said with a smile as an attempt to make conversation that wasn’t about the situation they were in.

“Yeah…it’s pretty nice.” Junkyu responded. Mashiho noticed that he wasn’t getting engaged with any of the conversations he tried to make. All he wanted to do was take his mind out of all that’s horrible at the moment.

“So…I was thinking when you get out of here….we can…” Mashiho tried to say. He couldn’t muster up the courage to ask him.  Junkyu looked at him with a curious expression making Mashiho more nervous than he already was . He bit on his lip and looked to the side.

“We can what?” Junkyu asked  slowly with his eyes in a wince.

“um..I was uh…think we would go on a date.” He answered with determination in his voice. Junkyu looked at him trying to suppress his smile. Mashiho dropped his shoulders and rolled his eyes. After a few seconds Junkyu broke into a chuckle. It took Mashiho a while to laugh with him.

“Are you  really asking me out on a date right now?” He asked still looking up at the ceiling. 

“Or am I dreaming?” He turned his head to Mashiho and gave him a smile. Mashiho felt the heat creep to his face as a foolish smile surfaced his face. Junkyu’s smile widened when he saw him flustered like that.

“Yes. I’m asking you out on a date.” Mashiho said.

“I must be dreaming then.” Junkyu sighed as he looked up at the ceiling  dreamily .

“You’re not dreaming.” Mashiho chuckled and  playfully hit his shoulder. Junkyu  dramatically grabbed onto his shoulder in mock pain. Mashiho’s eyes widened and he  quickly tended to him.

Junkyu groaned and his face twisted in a pained expression. Mashiho had no idea what to do at this point.

“Oh my god are you okay?” He asked in panic.

“No It hurts  really bad.” Junkyu groaned.

“wait. Let me call a nurse.” Mashiho said and took the initiative to rushing to the door. 

Junkyu held onto Mashiho’s wrist before he can go anywhere making him turn around to face him in confusion.

“Mashi sit down.” He said with a chuckle.

“What do you mean?”

“I was joking.”

“What?” Mashiho asked in disbelief.

“I was joking.” Junkyu laughed.

“Fuck you.” Mashiho sighed and hit his shoulder again. Junkyu held onto his shoulder and groaned.

“That one actually hurt.” He chuckled.

“You know….Hyunsuk was asking me a _bunch_ of questions earlier.” Mashiho said.

“ Really ? About what?”  Junkyu asked and got comfortable in his bed, listening to every word Mashiho said  intently . He missed his voice.

“About us.” Mashiho answered and sat criss crossed on the chair.

“What do you mean?” Junkyu asked with his brows furrowed.

“He was saying that I cared a lot about you, and that the way I "held" you was romantic.” He said in air qoutes and shook his head. Junkyu’s heart fluttered as a small smile crept to his face.

“When did you hold me?” He asked admiring every feature on his face as he spoke with a smile.

“When you passed out.” 

“damn. I should pass out more often then.” Junkyu scoffed.

“Don’t say that.” Mashiho chuckled. Only the sight of Junkyu set his heart on fire.

“So you care about me?” He asked again with a cheeky grin.

“Of course I do.” Mashiho muttered.

“You know you’re hot right?” Junkyu asked again. Mashiho looked up at him with a blank face and dead eyes.

“Of course I know that.” He answered.

“Can you show me the necklace?” He asked. His own necklace was around his neck already.  Mashiho pulled his necklace from under his shirt and looked at the red heart at the end of it and smiled as the butterflies in his stomach spiralled out of control . He then held up the necklace to Junkyu so he could see it. 

“Remind me when I get home to tell you to take the necklace off so I can put it on you again.” Junkyu pointed out.

“Why?” Mashiho chuckled with his face in a questioning look. 

“I don’t know, it’s more romantic that way.” he shrugged.

“Yeah you’re right. I’ll remind you.”

Mashiho turned around to the door to see Jeongwoo standing there. He froze in his spot and Junkyu’s eyes widened. A pang hit his heart the longer he had to think about what Jeongwoo might’ve heard.

“Um…I don’t mean to interupt your talk about romance  just uh….wanted to drop this off.” Jeongwoo said  sarcastically as he gave them awkward looks and walked in with a bag in his hand.

Mashiho turned his head back and took a deep breath, shutting his eyes closed. 

“I don’t know what you mean.” Mashiho responded to Jeongwoo.

“Whatever you say.” He sighed  mindlessly and walked out the room. 


	47. chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that i'm late lol 🧍
> 
> song recommendation - softcore by the neighbourhood

Junkyu’s fingers ran through Mashiho’s soft black hair. Mashiho looked at the city view while the feeling of Junkyu’s fingers on his scalp calmed him. He watched as the cold breeze ruffled through his hair. Mashiho felt his eyes on him, he felt more special than ever. 

“You’re the hottest person with black hair.” Junkyu said with a smile. Mashiho looked forward at the night sky.

“No.” He said  simply .

“What do you mean?” Junkyu asked. Mashiho didn’t look at him and kept his eyes forward at the view.

“There’s a lot of people with black hair.” He answered. “Have you met  all of them?” He turned his head to Junkyu.

"I don’t need to.” Junkyu told him, Mashiho’s face twisted in confusion.

“Why not?”

“I don’t need to know everyone that has black hair to know you’re the hottest one.” He said and leaned back against his arms. Mashiho looked back at the view with a mindless smile.

“you’re the cheesiest person in brown hair.” Mashiho said with a smirk growing on his face as he looked at the city.

“Hey!” He chuckled.

“Where do you wanna go?” He asked.

“I was thinking we would go for a walk in the middle of the night.” Junkyu answered and looked up at the starry sky. Mashiho let out a sarcastic chuckle.

“We can get hurt.” He muttered. Mashiho’s been restless with Junkyu’s health. what happened could never  be repeated , not when Mashiho was around. 

“Come on, I’m not gonna let you get hurt.” Junkyu chuckled.

“That’s not what I’m afraid of.” He shook his head.

“Then what are you afraid of?”

“I’m afraid _you’ll_ get hurt.” Mashiho said  quietly . Junkyu didn’t expect that type of response from him. He pulled him closer and ran his fingers through his hair again, putting a smile on his face.

“You don’t need to worry about me, Mashi.”  He said  reassuringly as he looked down at the side of his face, admiring every feature his side profile presented . His cheeks were starting to get rosy with the dry cool wind.

“But I do worry about you.” He responded.

“Why?” That was what Mashiho asked himself all the time. Why he had so much care for Junkyu. He didn’t know why he looked at him with so much love and admiration. Like he was the best thing in the world.

“I don’t know. I  just do.” He said  simply .

“You know…the sun’s about to rise.” Junkyu said. He didn’t  really look at a clock he  just knew it. Time has fell out of his attention, it was flying. So he  just assumed that they stayed there for hours though it felt like they’ve only been there for five minutes.

“I wanna watch the sunrise. Are you sleepy?” He turned his head to him and asked.

“nope.” He said, smiling down at him. Mashiho turned around from his position and hugged Junkyu’s waist.  It sent a wave of euphoria through Junkyu’s body, Mashiho felt warm though the cold dawn breeze pressed against his skin .

They left the rooftop and went down to the dorms. The sky was starting to turn into a lighter shade of blue and getting lighter throughout the hours.  Fortunately they were there alone. They  were welcomed with a dark empty looking house, with the only light source being its windows. 

“Do you think they’re awake?” Mashiho asked.

“No, they’re  probably in their seventh dream.” Junkyu chuckled. Mashiho laughed along with him  quietly and took his shoes off. The house felt so  comfortably empty.

Mashiho dropped himself on the couch and closed his eyes in relaxation, taking a deep breath in. It felt nice to lay down on a soft matress. Junkyu looked at him and smirked when an idea popped up in his mind.

He took off his shoes and walked up to Mashiho, climbing on top of him. A surge of butterflies fluttered against Mashiho’s stomach when he felt his presence on top of him. He opened his eyes and looked at him with surprise. But Junkyu kept the mischievous smile on his face.

“What are you trying to do?” He asked with a smile growing on his face.

Junkyu chuckled and  quickly pressed his lips onto his. Mashiho closed his eyes and held both sides of his waist to pull him closer.  They’re hearts were pounding against their chest and heat was traveling  quickly through their bodies .  Junkyu groaned and propped himself up on top of him and ran his hand through his hair as he tugged on it, getting a sigh out of him .

A rattle at the door  abruptly ended the moment. They turned their heads to the door, panting as they looked at it in surprise. Someone was trying open the door. Junkyu got off Mashiho as soon as the door began to open. Mashiho sat up and tried to look normal. He tidied his ruffled hair and tried to calm the red colour on his face.

“Hey.” Hyunsuk said and closed the door behind him putting a can of soda on the counter as he entered the kitchen.

“Um..hey.” Junkyu said as an awkward attempt to sound natural while he scratched the back of his head. Mashiho glanced at him with worry and he returned the gesture with a reassuring look.

“Where were you?” Mashiho asked.

“Vending machine.” He answered and closed the cabinet.

Mashiho let out a sigh of relief.

“Where were you guys?” Hyunsuk asked and leaned back against the counter with a questioning look.

“We were here…the whole time.” Junkyu answered with hesitance laced in his voice.

“That’s weird. I swore I heard the door open a while back.” Hyunsuk said.

“You must’ve dreamt it.” Mashiho chuckled and walked into the kitchen with him to try and look normal.

“ Maybe .” Hyunsuk shrugged off and went back into the kitchen.

Mashiho felt weird about this.

Hyunsuk acted like nothing happened and carried on with whatever he was cooking.

So Mashiho took that as a sign that they were safe.

Hopefully .


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i thought about not posting my hajeongwoo story so soon cuz i'm a dumbass and i don't know if i can handle 3 stories 🙄🤚
> 
> song recommendation - starboy by the weekend

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Mashiho asked. Junkyu held his hand and walked with him through the dim hallways of the house. They were  just laying in bed together until Junkyu decided to go somewhere else.

“Yeah don’t worry.” He said. Mashiho walked behind him and took his word. Everyone  was supposed to be asleep. It was about 2:10am. The old ticking clock on the wall read that. He looked back at their path and followed Junkyu.

He let go of his hand and they sat on the couch facing each other. A smile grew on Mashiho’s face when he saw him smiling.

“What?” Junkyu chuckled.

“You look good.” Mashiho said. Junkyu was only wearing a dark blue hoodie and some sweatpants. But to him, Junkyu looked good in anything.

“Thanks.” He replied with a wide grin.

“Why are we up this late?” Mashiho asked.

“Because.” Junkyu said, grabbing his hand “I wanna have some time alone with you.”

Mashiho’s heart leaped forward to the feeling of his touch. He never got used to the feeling. They sat under the dim lighting looking at each other.

Junkyu leaned forward and held Mashiho wrist, pulling him to his embrace. He  was caught by surprise at the sudden movement. He sat  in between Junkyu’s legs resting his head on his chest, listening to every heartbeat magnified.

A familiar warmth comforted him, making him snuggle closer. Junkyu wrapped his arms around him. He pulled the necklace out from under Mashiho’s shirt and turned the red crystal between his fingers. Mashiho’s heart was pounding against his ribcage, he hoped Junkyu couldn’t hear it. 

“The necklace looks  really good on you.” Junkyu muttered to him.

“Thanks.” Mashiho muttered, feeling the heat travel to his face.

Junkyu’s hands found their way to his cheeks. He cupped them with both of his hands, stroking them with his thumb. Mashiho tilted his head back to look at him, Junkyu smiled down at him. He lowered down and planted a kiss on his forehead.

Mashiho looked back down, trying to bite down his smile. A thought popped up in his mind and his expression twisted into a curious look. He looked at Junkyu’s arms which were  lightly wrapped around him as he held his hands.

“Hey can I ask you something?” He asked him. Junkyu looked down at him, waiting for him to say something.

“sure.”

“Do you remember when I fucked up the dance?” 

“Yeah.” Junkyu responded.

“Why did you help me?”

“With the dance?” He asked.

“No. With everything.”

“You were my friend. I cared about you. More than the other members. I didn’t know why, I  just did. I wanted to get closer to you.” He said. Trying to word it  properly was hard. In whole honesty, he couldn’t figure out the exact reason why. It confused him as much as it confused Mashiho. 

“When did you start liking me.” Mashiho asked  quietly . That question gave him an unusual amount of anxiety. He had to force it out.

“I guess I’ve always liked you. You were  just so…kind and different. You were an awesome dancer. I liked seeing you and being with you. You brought happiness with you everywhere you went. And whenever you were sad or angry, I always wanted to be the person to calm you down.” He said. Mashiho felt his heart stop in his chest. He expected a lot of things but he didn’t expect this. A small smile surfaced his face as he held his hands tighter.

“But I thought all those feelings were  just because we were friends. I didn’t know I liked you.” Junkyu said.

“When did you realise?” Mashiho asked.

“Remember when we were about to kiss?” He chuckled.

“When was that?” Mashiho tilted his head back to him and asked.

“I was helping you with the dance and we tried to go to sleep after. We couldn’t sleep so we ate together, and I tried to wipe something off your lip and we were about to kiss. That’s when I realised.” He said.

“When did you realise you liked _me?”_ Junkyu asked him.

“well…..remember when you helped me with the dance? i realised I liked you at that time. I tried to deny that I liked you but I knew it was true.” He sighed.

“So we realised we liked each other on the same day.” Junkyu muttered in realisation.

“I guess we did.”

“Are you happy?” Mashiho asked feeling the insecurity again.

“What do you mean?”

“Are you happy? With me being your boyfriend?” He asked again.

“Of course I am.” Junkyu responded as he sat up to face Mashiho. He looked down and played with the hem of his shirt.

“I don’t know, I  just feel like I’m not doing enough.” He muttered, not looking Junkyu in the face.

“Mashi what are you talking about?” He asked with a confused sympathetic look on his face.

“I don’t think I’m a  really good boyfriend.” He sighed. Junkyu cupped his cheek in one hand, Mashiho didn’t look up at him but leaned in to his touch.

“babe. being your boyfriend is the best thing ever.” He said. Mashiho looked up and his heart leaped forward at the mention of the word.

“W-what?” Mashiho asked under his breath.

“You’re the best.” Junkyu said.

“No, did you  just call me-“ before he could finish his sentence, Junkyu held the back of his head and pushed his lips onto his.

He grunted and closed his eyes, pushing Junkyu’s back against the couch as he climbed on top of him. Junkyu held both sides of his waist, pushing him closer. The feeling of his  insanely soft skin on his made his heart light on fire. 

Mashiho trailed kisses along his jaw. Junkyu sucked in a sharp breath and felt the electricity flow through his body. His breathing escalated into soft panting when Mashiho kissed down his neck. He sucked at a spot under his Adam’s apple. Junkyu closed eyes and let out a sigh, holding his waist tighter.

“Mashi.” He panted. Mashiho kept on going trailing kisses all over his neck.

“Mashi you’re going to leave a mark.” He panted again. Mashiho detached and sat up, looking at him with a red face.

“I already did.” Mashiho said as he looked at the marks on Junkyu’s neck.


	49. chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright i decided that my hajeongwoo story is coming soon. fuck it.
> 
> song recommendation - swim in the light by kid cudi

They went to sleep after with smiles plastered on their faces. Though they had a lot of things to worry about, none of them thought about a thing but each other. The warmth they had with each other still comforted them like the other was still there. 

It was an odd feeling that they’ve never got used to. love. But the thought that no one got used to it comforted them. all the secrecy and all the things forbidden around their relationship scared them. But it also excited them.

Mashiho loved Junkyu. And Junkyu loved Mashiho. They were sure of that. But they also had other hopes and dreams. Their careers meant a lot to them. All that hard work paid off. But they were willing to give their relationship a shot. They loved each other too much to  just give up on each other. 

The morning sun shone through the window but Mashiho stayed in bed. He took notice of it but he ignored it. Like he always did everyday in the morning. He turned in his bed to try and avoid the sun.

“Mashiho wake up.” Yoshi said as he nudged his shoulder. Mashiho’s face twisted in a grimace and he scooted away from him.

“Wake up.” He said again.

“Alright alright.” Mashiho grumbled but stayed in bed.

“Come on, we have a photoshoot.” Yoshi said. Mashiho  abruptly sat up in his bed with wide eyes. Yoshi stumbled back in surprise and looked at him in confusion.

_“What?”_ He turned his head to him and asked.

“We have a photoshoot soon….get up.” Yoshi replied. He left the room and Mashiho ran his fingers through his hair and let out an exasperated sigh, he had no idea what to do.

He left the bed and got himself ready in the morning. Everyone was in the living room. Including Junkyu. He heard their voices.  He got out to the living room still in his pyjamas with a blank expression that had an  abundance of frustration behind it . 

The first person he wanted to see right now was Junkyu. Everyone  was dressed to go outside except for a couple fo people. It was only him and Junghwan in pyjamas. He walked to Junkyu and sat beside him on the couch. 

“Have you heard?” Mashiho asked him in a whisper.

“Heard about what?” Junkyu responded. Mashiho looked up and took a deep breath in.

“We have a photoshoot today.”

“Yep. I heard.” Junkyu said in disappointment.

“What are you gonna do about the marks?” He asked with frustration written all over his face.

“It okay. I’ll cover them with the concealer I gave you last time.” He said with a smile though it was obvious he  was frustrated too.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” Mashiho said in regret. 

“Don’t be sorry.” Junkyu said. “I kinda like having them on my neck.”

Mashiho felt a blush creep from his neck to his face. He tried to bite down his smile, leaving him with a small smile instead.

“Shut up.” He chuckled.

No one seemed to suspect their conversation. They were whispering to each other. The last thing any of them needed was another problem.

They were now on the bus to get there. Junkyu already put on the concealer and Mashiho checked his neck from time to time to see if was alright. 

The nearer they got to the place, the more nervous Junkyu seemed. Mashiho held his hand and rubbed his thumb on the back of his hand. Junkyu turned to him with a reassuring smile.

“Come on. We’re here.” Jihoon said as the bus stopped. The members got up and walked off the bus. Mashiho noticed Junkyu’s jittery state, his nerves were stressing him out.

“It’s gonna be okay. I did it last time and nothing happened.” Mashiho said as an attempt to try to be reassuring.

“Yeah. It’s gonna be  just fine.” Junkyu said. Mashiho knew he was trying to fake optimism. It sounded like he was trying to convince himself rather than convincing Mashiho.

The place was bigger in the inside than it looked on the outside. Junkyu felt the cold press against his skin when he got there. There was something about cold that seemed professional. Professionalism and coldness  weirdly went hand in hand.

It explains itself.  The place  was filled with stylists, hair stylist, and professional photographers meant to make them look good . But there was something about the cold that made Junkyu more worried. There were a lot of people there that their main focus was him. He couldn’t go by unnoticed. 

An unusual yet familiar churning in his stomach made his face fall into a grimace when they neared the room they  were supposed to get their hair done in . Mashiho was already sitting on a chair getting his hair done while he was on his phone. Most of the members were.

Junkyu’s eyes looked around the room for the hair stylist that  was supposed to do his hair. He wanted to get it over and done with already.

“Come here.” The stylist said with a black comb in his hand. He smiled at him and walked to the chair.

While the stylist was doing his hair, he looked at the light rimmed mirror with a conscious expression . He  slightly titled his had back to his neck better, but the stylist pushed his head back. 

“Are you okay?” He asked when he noticed his tense position.

“yep. I’m fine.” He said.

When he got dressed and got his hair done, he wanted with the other members to get his name called out. The coldness of the place pressed against his bare neck, the clothes they gave him didn’t cover his neck. As long as no one noticed, he was fine. No one noticed so far. So he hoped it would remain like that for the whole time he was there.

“Junkyu.” Mashiho called to him  quietly .

“Yeah?” He answered him.

“You need to put the concealer on again.” He whispered.

“Does it show that much?” Junkyu asked in panic.

“No, it’s starting to come off.” He said. Junkyu sighed and walked away to the bathroom. Finding his way through the halls wasn’t that hard. Usually the bathrooms were near by.

He felt the nervousness get to him as he quickened his pace. Some people walked past him which made him more tense. He felt their eyes on him though they weren’t looking at all.

Finally. The bathrooms were right in front of him. He pushed the door open and let out a strained breath. He walked up in front of the mirror and tiled his head to the side to look at his neck better. Mashiho was right, the concealer was wearing off. Purple and red showed through the concealer. It was a surprise that no one noticed.

He  quickly grabbed some tissues from the towel dispenser and wiped the concealer off.  The constant thought that someone might notice bugged him and made him more paranoid than he already was . He wiped the concealer off with a quick hand and searched for the concealer in his pocket in hurry.

“Junkyu?” He heard someone say from the door. He  abruptly turned his head to see their manager. A cold sweat showered him as a pang hit his heart in shock.

“Hey.” Junkyu answered  quietly in hesitance. The manager’s face twisted in a surprised, confused expression as he walked up to Junkyu.

“What’s that on your neck?” He asked. Junkyu put a hand on his neck immediately and walked backwards to avoid him.

“nothing.” He answered in a strained voice.

“Take your hand off.” He said in a serious tone. Junkyu kept his hand on his neck and watched him with fear ravaging his mind.

“Junkyu, _take_ your hand off.” He said  sternly .

He gave up and took his hand away from his neck with a sigh, looking away from him. He couldn’t look him in the face.

“What the fuck?” He told him and looked up at him with anger behind his eyes. Junkyu looked away from him and clenched his jaw.

“What _is_ that?” He asked again. His demeanour intimidated him into silence

“It’s  just a bruise.” Junkyu muttered after a while with nothing left to say. An excuse like that was useless. Even he wouldn’t believe it.

“I’m not an idiot.” He told him in a stern voice. Junkyu’s heart hammered against his chest.

"Are you _fucking_ serious?" He asked with his expression turning more angry the more time he had to process what he  just saw.

“Who gave them to you?” He asked again.


	50. chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nah cuz someone just compared my boy Mashiho to an ugly ass actor smh 🤢🤚
> 
> song recommendation - dreamgirl by tanerelle.

“Who gave them to you?”

Junkyu looked down and his hands on his hips as he licked his bottom lip. He still couldn’t look him in the eyes. His heart was beating hard against his chest he felt it in his ears.

“No one.” He muttered and looked up.

“Don’t give me that shit.” The manager said and looked at him with annoyance painted on his face. Junkyu looked to the side and sighed.

“Who gave them to you?” He asked him again.

“I told you. No one.” Junkyu said with hesitance laced into his voice. The manager scoffed and turned to the side. Junkyu knew none of his excuses worked. He wanted to stall until he had to go.

“I’m not a fucking idiot.” The manager said in a loud tone. Junkyu shut his eyes closed and took a deep breath to calm his nerves. 

“What am I supposed to do?” Junkyu sighed.

“You’re supposed to tell me who your fucking, that’s what you’re supposed to do.” He said. Junkyu looked at him with his eyes widened, he felt the heat travel to his face to create a blush on his pale cheeks.

“What?” He whispered in confusion.

“So who is it?”  The manager asked and clasped his hands together, as if he was bracing himself for the information that Junkyu was going to give him .

“No one.” Junkyu said, shaking his head.

“bullshit. Who was it?”

“It’s no one you should worry about.” Junkyu said.

“So you admit it was someone.” He said with his brow raised.

“Yes.”

“Who?”

“You don’t need to worry about that.” Junkyu said. He had to do anything to protect Mashiho. Even if that meant battling it out with the manager in the bathrooms.

“Yes I do need to worry about that.”

_“please._ You don’t.” He said, begging him to stop asking question.

“Do you _any_ idea how much trouble you can get into?” He asked  rhetorically , with his eyes in a squint. Junkyu let out an exasperated sigh and looked down.

“I do.”

“No I don’t think you do.” The manager shook his head.

“I swear I do.” He sighed.

“What if the girl tells anyone, or the press? It’s not only the company you’ll get in trouble with. Getting in trouble with the company is bad in itself.” He scoffed. Junkyu rolled his eyes and looked at him with dead eyes.

“This person could never tell anyone.”

“How do you know that?”

“ Just trust me.”

“Now I know.” The manager said with an expression of realisation. “It’s a trainee isn’t it.”

“No. It’s not.”

“Well you gotta fucking tell me who-“ he said  sternly , pointing a finger at him before his phone rung in his pocket. Junkyu let out a breath and the manager took out his phone and put it up to his ear.

“Hello?” He answered the phone. “Oh okay I’ll be there.”

He ended the call and put his phone in his pocket.

“Look I need to go. We’ll talk about this later.” He said and left through the door.

Junkyu let out a deep breath and rushed to the mirror. He  quickly grabbed the concealer from his pocket and put it all over the hickeys in a sloppy way. He took notice to avoid the clothes. If he got it on the clothes he would be dead. The thud of his heart was still  prominently thudding in his ears.

He walked out of the bathrooms with a quick pace and a blank expression. He tried to ignore everyone passing him by for some reason. They weren’t even looking at him. It’s that one thing about paranoia. And the feeling of feeling unsure.  A person feels like everyone is sitting down and waiting for them to make the right decision  impatiently . When no one is. 

Maybe it creates a feeling of security until it turns into a feeling of being in danger. It’s good to think someone still cares about you. But when someone starts to create false foes that don’t exist, it starts to lose its balance. Nothing starts to feel safe anymore. Everything loses its balance.

Or at least that’s what Junkyu thought. He spent quite a lot of time counselling himself on that topic. But he refuses to believe that’s exactly what’s happening to him.

He made it back to his spot in the chairs beside the members. Mashiho looked at him with a confused expression.

“What took you so long?” He asked him.

“I  just um…I needed to use the bathroom.” He answered. It felt like he was always making up excuses. It was lying. But it didn’t feel like lying. The feeling that it  was meant to protect the people he loved took away all the guilt.

“Junkyu?” The photographer called out and beckoned to him. He stood up and walked up to the set to take his pictures.

The photographer gave him the instructions and he followed them. The flicker of the camera went off and it told him to make another pose.

A familiar figure walked past in front of him and stood beside the members. His eyes shifted to it and he saw the manager. His smile dropped and he took his focus off the camera lens.

“Junkyu look back at the camera.” The photographer told him. He looked at the camera and pasted his smile back on. Beneath all that optimism he shows on his face, there’s nervousness and paranoia. His heart was thudding against his chest. He felt the managers eyes on him like a hawk.

When he got his pictures taken, he walked back to his seat.

“Are you alright?” Mashiho asked and put a hand on his knee. A flock of butterflies flew through his stomach due to the feeling of his touch.

“I’m fine.” He said with a smile. 

Mashiho smiled back at him, keeping his hand over his knee. Junkyu looked back to see the manager staring at him from the distance.

He looked back and swallowed, his nerves spiked up again. He bumped his leg up and down and balled his hands into fists.

“Junkyu what’s wrong?” Mashiho asked again.

“I  just wanna get out of here.” He looked at him and said with a light chuckle and looked back at the set.

“Don’t worry. We’ll be out of here soon.” Mashiho said with a reassuring smile.

Of course it scared him to get in trouble with his company.

And the press.

But there was something scared him more than  all of that.

Losing Mashiho.


	51. chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm dying at the actors Junkyu gets compared to noooo- 🤢🔫
> 
> song recommendation - me and u witchcraft remix 8d

The group got on the bus Junkyu has never been more relieved. He had his Jacket on which covered his neck  perfectly . Mashiho sat in a seat a few rows behind him. He sat beside the already fast asleep Jaehyuk. Junkyu rested his head against the seat and looked up at the ceiling of the bus.

It boggled his mind how close he was to exposing his relationship. The manager drove in another car which calmed him down. But who knows how much questions he’ll ask later. 

He prayed to god that he’ll forget about it and let it slide. That was his only hope now. He had no intention of telling Mashiho. Though he knew he had to tell him  eventually . He couldn’t bare to see him worry. He beat himself up for not being able to hide them before the manager entered.

But what more could he do at this point? He had to accept the facts and deal with it. Even if it got hard. It was his fault.

the bus stopped with the engine shutting off. He sat up in his chair and walked out of the bus with the rest of the members.

“Are you okay?” Mashiho asked when he caught up to him.

“Yeah. I  just need some rest.” Junkyu responded.

“You look nervous.” Mashiho said. Junkyu plastered a synthetic smile on his face and looked at him. Mashiho noticed his eyes remaining the same. His brows furrowed in confusion as he looked at him.

“No, I’m not nervous. Or  maybe I am. I  just need sleep.” He muttered.

“Yeah you should sleep. You look tired.” He said with a smile and  lightly held his hand. Junkyu sucked in a breath and held his hand tighter.

When they got to the dorms, Junkyu took off his jacket and threw it on the couch. Mashiho went straight to the dorm and closed the door behind. Junkyu’s eyes trailed him as he left. 

“Are you guys going to sleep?” Asahi asked the people in the living room a he  was headed to his dorm.

“Yeah, I’m going to sleep.” Junkyu said and walked to the dorm. He walked through the door and and closed it behind him. Mashiho had his back turned to him as he slipped on his open button up pyjama shirt on his bare back.

“Hey.” Junkyu muttered. Mashiho turned his head to him to see it who it was and turned his head back when he saw Junkyu.

“Hey.” He muttered back.

“Where’s the necklace.” Junkyu asked and walked up to him. 

“It’s on my bed.” He said.

Junkyu grabbed the necklace off Mashiho’s top bunk and looked at it. A smile  was brought to his face when he saw the red crystal. He got closer to Mashiho and  gently wrapped the necklace around his neck. Mashiho stopped what he was doing once a pang hit his heart. He felt the coldness of the chain resting against his bare skin. Junkyu locked the necklace and kept his hands over his shoulder.

He waited for him to see what he would do. Junkyu’s hands  slowly trailed down his neck in hesitance. Mashiho’s eyes widened and the thud of his heart grew louder and louder. His hands trailed down his arms slipping the shirt off.

The heat traveled to Mashiho’s face, a blush crept through to his cheeks. He turned around to Junky. He took a sharp breath and held either sides of his bare waist. He pressed his lips onto his  softly .

A wave of euphoria crashed through Mashiho’s body. He sighed and pressed his lips harder on Junkyu’s soft lips. It felt like they were on a roller coaster ride  violently going up and down. They weren’t sure if time stopped the moment their lips  were met , but the flutter intensified. Mashiho struggled to hold himself up as his knees got weaker. Being under his touch was inviting, making him yearn for more.

For the first time, everything started to smell like Mashiho’s sweet perfume. It hypnotised him, he was completely under his control now. Mashiho wrapped his arms around Junkyu’s neck  gently . As if he was holding on to the moment so it would never end.  The fluttering in his stomach got more intense the more his fingers got to explore Mashiho’s skin with a mind of their own .

Mashiho’s heart skipped a few beats, the feeling of his touch sent shivers down his spine. 

Junkyu heard footsteps outside their dorm door. He held him closer when he felt the moment slip away. 

When the footsteps got louder as they got nearer to the room. They  abruptly let go of each other. The click of the door went off when it opened. Yoshi stood at the door looking at them. Mashiho wiped his swollen lips and tried to pick his shirt off the floor and put it back on  quickly . 

Yoshi’s face twisted in confusion when something on Mashiho caught his eye. He squinted his eyes to get a better look at the necklace. He remembered that night at the festival.

“Hey Junkyu.” He called out. Junkyu turned his head to him at the mention of his name.

“Isn’t that your necklace?” He asked and pointed at the necklace around Mashiho’s neck. Junkyu looked at him with a blank expression and Mashiho looked down at the necklace.

“um…yeah.” He said scratching the back of his head, Yoshi furrowed his brows and looked at Mashiho.

“I said he could borrow it. He liked it so I gave it to him…..what’s the big deal.” Junkyu played off. Yoshi dropped the confused look and walked into the room. Mashiho buttoned up his shirt  quickly and glanced at Junkyu. He looked back at him with a reassuring smile and he smiled back. that moment felt like a drunken memory.

They both stopped smiling when Yoshi turned his head to them. 

“Are you guys still going to sleep?” He asked.

“No  I think I’m gonna stay awake.” Junkyu said.

“Yeah, me too.” Mashiho chimed in.

Yoshi walked out of the room with a book in hand and they walked out with him. Junkyu ruffled Mashiho’s hair and looked at him with an endearing smile.

When he looked at him, he knew it was worth it.

This relationship was worth it.

_Mashiho was worth it._


	52. chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a flashback to chapter 47 from Hyunsuk's prespective.
> 
> song recommendation - alone with you by ashlee

(flashback to chapter 47)

Hyunsuk laid down on his bed in the pitch black darkness.  All of the people in his dorms were asleep. He knew for sure though he couldn’t see them. The place got less lively when they slept. The ticking clock on the wall has been ticking for what felt like hours. It felt numb in his ears from how much he heard it.

He got up from his bed and walked  slowly to the door. It was like he was walking blind. He followed the breeze coming from the door opening. His hand finally found its way to the cold metal door handle. He opened it and walked out the door.

It was lighter outside his dorm but the lights  were closed . The cold pressed against his skin once he got out. Heat coming from their air conditioner in the dorm kept him  partially warm. He didn’t realise how warm it was until he left the dorm.

He grabbed his jacket and walked out of the front door  quietly , locking the door after him. being of out of there gave him more clarity. Being called the leader of the group and having to manage wasn’t as easy as he thought it was going to be.

The rooftop was always on his bucket list. It looked like it would be calming. And that was exactly what he needed. he walked up the never ending stairs. There was no tiredness in his eyes for some reason. It was  really late at night. Anytime the sun might come up.

He pushed the heavy metal door open and walked into the rooftop. A smile decorated his face when he felt the breeze brush against his hair. It was better than he thought it would be.

Of course he knew it would be cool. But the city view was the most beautiful thing ever. He walked to the corner of the rooftop and rested his arms on the railing. Staring at the lights as they flickered and changed. His hair flowed with the soft wind. He tightened his jacket around him. The view felt hypnotising.

The sky was as dark as it was when he left the dorms. Which calmed him a bit. Then that meant that he wasn’t running late for anything. But watching the sunrise was something he’s always wanted to see again and again. Especially on a place like this.

After a while, Hyunsuk figured he would head back to the dorms.  Maybe he stayed there for too long. He needed rest even of it didn’t come by easy. As he was about to leave, he heard the heavy door scrape the floor as it opened. He scurried back to his spot and hid there. His heart was beating hard against his chest. And a cold sweat of surprise washed of him. 

He peered his head to see who it was and he saw Junkyu and Mashiho walking together hand in hand. His face twisted in confusion as he stumbled back in his spot.

They sat down in front of the railings, away from where he was. Mashiho’s head was resting on Junkyu’s lap as Junkyu caressed his hair. Hyunsuk couldn’t see their faces but  all of this was strange to him. 

He knew that they were close, but were they that close? He played it off and looked back at the view.

“You’re the hottest person with black hair.” He heard Junkyu from the distance. Hyunsuk turned his head to them with his brows furrowed. Mashiho replied to him but Hyunsuk didn’t bother to listen to them. 

“Where do you wanna go?” Junkyu asked Mashiho.

“Where are they going?” Hyunsuk thought.

“I was thinking we could go for a walk in the middle of the night.” He completed.

“We can get hurt.” Mashiho muttered.

“Come on, I’m not gonna let anything happen to you.” Junkyu chuckled. Hyunsuk was looking at the city view but he kept his ears on them.

“That’s not what I’m afraid of.” Mashiho said.

“Then what are you afraid of?” Junkyu asked.

“I’m afraid you’ll get hurt.” He replied  quietly . Hyunsuk turned his head to them in curiosity.

“What does he mean?” He thought.

“You don’t need to worry about me, Mashi.” He said. Hyunsuk looked at them with surprise. A lot of people called Mashiho “mashi” but it sounded  oddly different when Junkyu said it.

“But I do worry about you.” Mashiho argued back. Hyunsuk tried to keep his focus on the city view. it confused him. but he didn’t want to waste his rest time spying on them.

The sun was about to come up. Light shades of blue coloured the sky over time. He heard them talk about staying for the sunrise. He wanted to leave already. Staying on the rooftop was more nerve wracking than staying in the dorms. He would  probably go back.  Preferably on his own.

When he saw them leave, still hand in hand, he walked to their spot. It was strange. He could’ve swore that they were a couple. But he didn’t have any solid proof. They could  just be  really close friends for all he knew.  Hyunsuk was  really close with the friends he had so he convinced himself that it was normal so he wouldn’t think about it . 

He walked down the stairs a while after they left. It was on his mind though he told himself to stop thinking about it. A lot of things were on his mind and he had a lot to worry about. He didn’t want something else to distract him. the vending machine in the first floor caught his mind. He smiled and walked down to the first level.

There weren’t many people there but it was dawn and people rise early for work. More people came in through the glass doors. He walked to the vending machine and put some money into it, pressing a few buttons. A bottle dropped with a bag of chips falling after it. He caught it and put it in a bag. Then he boarded the elevator to get to the dorms.

The keys jingled in his hand when he took it out of his pocket. He walked in to find Junkyu and Mashiho staring at him with a flustered expression. He tried to hide his confusion and walked to the kitchen to put the bag on the bag on the counter. 

“Where were you?” Mashiho asked.

“Vending machine.” He replied.

“Where were _you_ guys?” He flipped the question onto them and leaned back on the counter.

“We were here the whole time.” Junkyu answered.

Hyunsuk noticed the hesitance in his voice.

He got more confused.

_Why?_

Why would they lie about being on the rooftop?


	53. chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE COMEBACK'S TOMORROW SDFSJDFHKDJFH 
> 
> song recommendation - pain & pleasure by black atlass

“What should we do?” Jungwhan asked as he stared at the void in boredom. They were all sitting in the living room. More like forced. Yoshi fell asleep and some of them were on their phones. Yedam suggested that they would do some fun activities together as a group. Jihoon thought it was a good idea so he took the liberty of forcing everyone out of their rooms. No one wanted to be there but they stayed anyway.

“We can play monopoly.” Yedam said as he yawned, starting to regret his idea.  Hyunsuk rolled his eyes and snuggled in the couch, feeling his eyelids getting heavier with sleep . Junkyu and Mashiho sat next to each other, giving each other uncertain glances from time to time.

“I’m not playing monopoly.” Mashiho sighed and rested his head agains his fist. Yedam gave up and closed his eyes to try to go to sleep. He thought aboutt the idea in regret and fantasised about the idea of sleep.

“Yeah….me neither.” Jaehyuk said. Jihoon sighed and looked at the rest of the members who were sitting there, idle.

“Then what do we do?” Jihoon asked everyone. “Come on I need some suggestions.”

Everyone stayed quiet and ignored him. Jihoon rolled his eyes and said back in the couch. He started to doubt the idea too. But he didn't want to give up on it  just yet.

“We could play truth or dare?” Junkyu suggested when he took notice of the silence.

“That’s a pretty good idea.” Doyoung asked,  slightly rising his brow at his idea. It wasn’t the best but it was at least it was something. And it was better than any other suggestions some members brought to the table.

“Should we  just play the game?” Asahi asked, not feeling too sure about the idea.

“Sure why not.” Jihoon shrugged. “Anybody got any other suggestions before we play?”

When no one said anything, he took that as a “no”.

“Alright…let’s start.” Haruto said and brought a plastic bottle to the table. Mashiho watched him as he spun the bottle in boredom. The bottle stared to slow down. The members kept their eyes on it the slower it got. It got slower and slower until it stopped.

Either ends of the bottle pointed at Junghwan and Jeongwoo. They looked up at each other. Junghwan smirked when the bottle side was facing him and Jeongwoo sulked.

“Truth or dare?” Junghwan asked.

“Dare.” Jeongwoo sighed. The members turned their heads to him in surprise. Junghwan’s smirk widened into mischevious grin. Jeongwoo rolled his eyes at his expression.

“Alright. I want you to call the first restaurant that comes to mind and tell them your laptop  is broken and they need to fix it. Make it sound realistic.” He said with a smile prominent on his face. The members gaped at him and started whooping at the dare. Jeongwoo buried his face in his hands and let out a deep breath.

“Okay.” Jeongwoo said. The members cheered and he grabbed his phone off the stand.

Junkyu rolled his eyes and left the living room beckoning at Mashiho to come with him. Mashiho walked after him. Hyunsuk’s eyes trailed them with curiosity as they left. He looked back at Jeongwoo when they were finally out of view. 

“Where are we going?” Mashiho asked as he walked behind him.

“The dorm.” Junkyu said  simply and opened the door of their dorm. They walked in and Mashiho sat on Yoshi’s bed.

“So…what’s up?” He asked him. Junkyu looked at him, biting down a smile like he was trying to contain his excitement. 

“It’s something that I’ve been planning.” He said with a very evident smile.

“What is it?” Mashiho asked in excitement.

“You get to go to my house.” Junkyu finally said. Mashiho’s eyes widened and a pang hit his heart.

“You’re joking.” He muttered.

“I’m not.” Junkyu said with a wide grin on his face. Mashiho gaped at him when he saw that he was being serious. He let out a scoff and Junkyu’s grin widened.

“Wait- _how?”_ He asked, stumbling over his words.

“I miss my parents and I want to go home. So I said that you can come with me to get to know Korea better or something. So no one would get suspicious.” He said.

“When do we go?” Mashiho asked  excitedly .

“tomorrow.”

“Shit, do I need to pack? Do I need to do anything? Do your parents expect something-“ Mashiho asked in panic when he realised the bad side. But Junkyu cut him off before he continued.

“Mashi, you don’t need to do anything. You  just have to be there. That's all.” He said as he walked to him and sat beside him on Yoshi’s bed. Mashiho got lost In his eyes as they looked at him.

“What are you introducing me as, to them?” He asked.

“My friend. For now.” Junkyu sighed in disappointment.

“That’s good. Take your time.” Mashiho said  reassuringly . Putting a hand on his back.

Junkyu looked up at him and cupped his cheek in one hand. Mashiho’s heart fluttered from the sudden touch. Junkyu felt his cheeks getting rosy under his hand and he gave him a lopsided smile.  Mashiho took the initiative by tilting his head  slightly to the side and  softly pressing his lips onto his . Junkyu’s heart took a massive leap as he moved his lips against his. 

The butterflies in his stomach intensified the longer their lips  were met . He didn’t know what the feeling he got in his heart was. All he knew is that he didn’t want it to stop. Junkyu held either sides of Mashiho’s face bringing him in closer.

They detached to catch some breath and pressed their foreheads together as they panted . Junkyu had his hand on the back of Mashiho’s neck, sending shivers down his spine.

“Are they gonna like me?” Mashiho panted.

“They’re gonna love you.” Junkyu muttered.

“What if they don’t?” Mashiho shook his head.

“They’re gonna love you….. _because I love you.”_


	54. chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stream "my treasure" or else 👺🧑🔫
> 
> song recommendation - clyde by tanerelle

“Because I love you.”

Mashiho’s heart plunged deep down his stomach when Junkyu uttered these words. Junkyu’s expression ran dry when he realised the words that came out of him own mouth.  His fingers caressed the back of Mashiho’s neck and bit his bottom lip, their foreheads  were pressed together . 

“Don’t mess with me.” Mashiho muttered with his jaw clenched, looking down. He couldn’t find it in himself to look him in the face. Junkyu looked up at him with his hand on the back of Mashiho’s neck loosening.

“What do you mean?” He whispered back to him.

“Don’t say that. Don’t say it when you don’t mean it.” He muttered with his heart weighing heavier the more he thought about that. Junkyu’s brows furrowed, he detached from him and sat up in front of him, looking at him with concern. Mashiho kept on looking down, Junkyu tried to tilt his head down to look at him. When he didn’t look at him, Junkyu  gently held his chin and raised his head up.

“I meant it. More than anything.” He said, looking him in the eye. Mashiho felt like he was going to drown in his gaze. His heart was beating hard against his chest because of his sudden touch. 

“Stop.” Mashiho grunted and looked away. Junkyu tilted his head to him to look him in the eye.

“Mashi, look at me.” He said. Mashiho  slowly turned his head to him and looked at him with a stern expression.

“I’m not lying to you. I would never do that.” He said.  That sentence made him remember his conversation with the manager that he didn’t tell Mashiho about . His heart sank but he tried to ignore that.

“I love you.” He whispered again. Mashiho looked at him, feeling his stern mask fall away.

“I love you so much.” He said again, feeling more and more comfortable with saying it. He wanted to say it so many times. No matter how much he said it, it didn’t show how much he loved Mashiho enough. Mashiho  was stunned , he was sitting solid, looking at him in surprise. He was speechless. His heart thudded in his eardrums and he felt tears sting his eyes.

“Is that true?” He asked  quietly , feeling the insecurity dawn on him again. Junkyu smiled feeling the tears sting his eyes as well.

“yes.” He chuckled  lightly as he nodded. Mashiho chuckled with him and looked down, not wanting to look up at him with his teary eyes.

“Do you mean that?” He asked again.

“Of course I do. I love you. I love being with you. I love being close to you. I love kissing you. i love laughing with you. Your smile is the most beautiful thing in the world.” He said, he felt like he was going on a rampage but that still didn’t show how much he loved him. Mashiho looked up with him, biting his lip down hard so the tears won’t fall. No one has ever showed this much love and appreciation to him. But the most loved person to him showed that. he felt like he was melting on the spot.

“So you actually love me?” Mashiho asked with a smile.

“Yes.” He said with his hand over his. “Do you love _me?”_

“Of course.” Mashiho chuckled  lightly .

“ Really ? What do you love about me?” He asked  sarcastically tilting his head to the side. Mashiho looked up at him with a small smile, looking at the glint in his eyes.

“I love your voice. I love your laugh. I love your kisses. I love that you’re romantic. I love your perfume. I love that you’re taller than me. But…..I love you.” He said. He felt the boulders on his shoulders disappear when he said that. He felt proud of himself for finally confessing that to him. 

Junkyu’s smile widened as he listened to him go on. He didn’t realise these things about him were that special until Mashiho said they were. He felt more confident.

“You’re making me blush.” He said  sarcastically . Mashiho chuckled and  playfully hit his shoulder.

“We gotta rest. We have a big day tomorrow.” Once Junkyu said that they were off to their beds.

They woke up to the sun shining  brightly on their faces. The first welcome of morning. Mashiho stuffed some clothes into a bag and Junkyu was in the kitchen. It didn’t take long.

It would be better if there we less members around them. Not that they were sneaking out. It was  just less awkward that way.

They got into Junkyu’s mom's car in no time. His mom was driving in the front seat. She first embraced her son in a tight hug and welcomed Mashiho. He was feeling giddy and nervous to finally meet his mom.

“Nice to meet you!” She turned her head to Mashiho and greeted. She had long black hair and a genuine smile. He returned the gesture with a lopsided smile.

“Nice to meet you too.” He said.

She started driving, Mashiho felt the knots in his stomach detangle. She kept her eyes  strictly on the road.  He noticed Junkyu’s smile as he looked out that, he smiled with him, looking out the window beside him, watching the buildings come and go .

Junkyu’s hand  slowly crept to Mashiho’s, he put his hand over his,  gently . Mashiho’s heart leaped forward as he side eyed him. 

“So. You’re a close friend to Junkyu right?” She asked in a cheery tone.

They were close. But definitely not what she would expect.

“Yes, I am.” He answered.

“You’re a  really nice boy, I hope he’s treating you right.” She said.

His eyes  slightly widened at the sentence.

“Yes, um…he’s treating me well.” He chuckled.

“Junkyu, have you been eating well?” She asked.

“Yep.” 

“Have you been sleeping early.”

No.

“Yep.”

“Is he, Mashiho?” She asked him instead.

“Yeah, he is.” he looked at Junkyu with a smile.

“Are we there yet?” Junkyu asked  boredly .

“Yes, don’t be impatient.”

After a little while, her car parked in a driveway belonging to a fine looking house. It was humble, with a garden for its front yard. He took in a breath of fresh air. Junkyu stood beside him and looked at him with a proud smile as they walked into the house.

“I like your house.”

“Welcome to my humble abode.”


	55. chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i was late ⚰️
> 
> song recommendation - boys like you by tanerelle

Mashiho took his shoes off at the front step and took a moment to look around at the place. He still couldn’t believe he was finally in Junkyu’s house. Meeting his parents, being at the place his boyfriend grew up at. It felt unnerving.

It was a very beautiful yet humble house. There were few plants and books on a shelf and a small kitchen. The living room felt comfortable and modern. A smile surfaced his face. He felt at peace. He turned his head to Junkyu who was speaking to his mother. Junkyu looked happy to finally to be home.

“Your dad will be here in a few minutes.” His mother told him. There was nothing more satisfying than making it this far. Before, he thought he would have nothing to do with Junkyu. Like how he wanted. Now it’s the thing he wanted most. Junkyu.

“I need to run some errands. You go show your friend Mashiho around.” She said  hurriedly and disappeared into the hallway. Presumably into her room. 

Mashiho turned his head to Junkyu to see him smiling  widely at him. He looked around for the place as he was walking to Mashiho. When he found no one, he pulled in Mashiho by his waist, holding either sides  tenderly . Junkyu looked down at Mashiho and Mashiho looked up. He  lightly chuckled and brought him closer. His heart skipped a beat when Junkyu held his waist harder.

His face was only centimetres away from him. Their lips almost touched. Junkyu pulled him into a kiss. Mashiho closed his eyes and pushed himself closer. The feeling of his soft lips on his made his heart light on fire. He wanted more. 

Junkyu had his eyes half open, sneaking a guilty peek at Mashiho’s hypnotising face. He smiled into the kiss and closed his eyes. Mashiho took a few steps backwards and Junkyu followed him.

His eyes opened right away when he heard footsteps in the hall way. He  quickly left Mashiho and faced his mom. She was staring at them with a blank expression. Junkyu’s nerves  were spiked up and his heart was hammering against his chest.

“What?” He asked her when she didn’t say anything. Mashiho glanced at Junkyu with a worried expression then looked at the ground. She leaned against the wall and looked at Junkyu with an expression he couldn’t decipher. He sucked in a breath and braced himself for whatever was about to come.

“Why didn’t you show him around?” She asked. Junkyu let go of his breath in relief and walked to the kitchen. Mashiho let out a guided breath and stayed  awkwardly where he was.

“I  just got here, mom. I’ll show him around in a second.” He told her, avoiding eye contact by making it look like he was looking for something in the cabinet.

“I gotta go now. I won’t be long.” She said as she slipped her jacket on and walked out the door. Once she was gone Junkyu’s shoulders dropped and he let out an exasperated sigh. Mashiho laughed and Junkyu started to laugh with him.

“That was so close.” Junkyu panted. “I was one second away from  being kicked out.”

“No, you won’t  be kicked out. Your mom loves you.” Mashiho said and cupped both his cheeks in his hands. Junkyu  quickly pecked Mashiho’s cheek. Making his heart skip a few beats.

“Come on.” Junkyu said and picked him up bridal style. Mashiho gasped at the sudden movement. “I have to show you around.”

Junkyu started running though the house with Mashiho in his arms. Mashiho yelped and wrapped his hands around his neck tighter.

“Slow down!” He yelped. Junkyu kept on running making Mashiho put his eyes in a wince. He stopped in front of a door and struggled with the handle. Mashiho chuckled and watched him try to open the door. Junkyu grunted in frustration when he couldn’t open it.

The door opened. Mashiho used the two seconds he had to look at it. From the childish feel and the things hung on the wall, he could tell it was Junkyu’s room. When his two seconds were over, Junkyu threw him on the bed. A gush of wind came to him when his back hit the soft mattress. Junkyu dropped himself on top of him and looked down at him with a mischievous grin. 

Mashiho giggled and pushed Junkyu to the side. They lied in bed, facing each other.

“I like your room.” Mashiho said, staring into his eyes with a smile.

“ Really ?” He asked.

“yeah.  Really childish.”

“What’s that supposed mean?” Junkyu chuckled.

“It’s cute.”

“Do you think the members are finding out?” Junkyu asked with his smile fading away. Mashiho looked at him  reassuringly and extended a gentle hand to his cheek.

“Don’t worry. I don’t think they are.” He said.

“I don’t know.  I feel like they’re starting to put the pieces together.” He said in an unsure tone. Mashiho’s thumb stroked his cheek to try and calm him down.

“Trust me. They have no idea. Everyone’s close to each other. They won’t suspect a thing.” Mashiho shook his head.

“What if they find out?” Junkyu asked  worriedly again.

“They won’t.”

“But what if they _do?_ Do we deny it?”

“no.  I think we should come clean about it. And end the lying and the sneaking.” Mashiho said  honestly .

“Do you think they’ll be okay with it?”

“ honestly …..no.” Mashiho said, he didn’t want to say it but he had to. “Not that they’re against two men dating….they’ll be angry we didn’t follow the rules.”

“Do you ever want to Tell them?” He asked.

“no. not anytime soon. They’ll have to know sooner or later though.”

“Yeah…you’re right.” Junkyu said as he bit on his bottom lip. “Now that we’re being completely honest with each other….” 

Mashiho’s face twisted in curiosity.

“What do you want to say?” He asked. Junkyu’s face fell into guilt and worry making Mashiho more confused. Mashiho kept a reassuring hand on Junkyu’s cheek.

“The manager saw it…”

“Saw what?” Mashiho asked with his brows furrowed, his thumb stopped stroking Junkyu’s cheek.

“Hello?” Junkyu’s dad said from the door, right as Junkyu was about to answer his question.


	56. chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i was late, there were some complications and shit 💀🔫
> 
> song recommendation - bubblegum bitch by marina and the diamonds

_“Hello?”_

Mashiho  quickly removed his hand from Junkyu’s face when he heard someone speak at the door. They jumped a little, both taken back from the sudden sound. A chill ran through their spines when they saw him at the door. Junkyu’s heart rate started to catch up speed. His dad was still looking at them with a confused look. Junkyu got up from he bed and straightened his shirt.

“Dad, this is Mashiho.” He said trying to avoid his dad’s stare.

“Nice to meet you.” Mashiho said and got off the bed,  awkwardly bowing to him. A smile rose to Junkyu’s dad’s face making the sides of his eyes wrinkle.

“Nice to meet you too.” He said.

Mashiho got back up and smiled. Junkyu went over to hug his dad  tightly . His dad hugged him back as they both rocked side to side.

“I missed you so much.” Junkyu said. Mashiho let out a relieved breath.

After Junkyu had a chance to greet his dad. He closed the door and got back in the bed with Mashiho. they laid on the bed and looked at each other with smiles plastered on their faces. Once the thought came into Mashiho’s head, his smile started to wear off. Junkyu noticed and stopped smiling with him.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“What were you about to say to me?” Mashiho asked with the anxiety starting to take over. Junkyu was a little confused, he looked at him with his brows  slightly furrowed.

“What do you mean?”

“When your dad came in the room and cut you off. What were you about to say?” He asked again. It finally dawned on Junkyu. He sighed and looked down, trying to avoid eye contact with him. It made Mashiho more concerned.

“I…..” Junkyu tried to say. He didn’t know how to say it to him. He felt more like an idiot.

“What did he see?” Mashiho asked  impatiently with his stomach starting to twist into knots.

“He saw….ugh I’m such an idiot.” Junkyu muttered and shook his head. “He saw the marks on my neck.”

Mashiho felt his heart stop in his chest. His eyes widened as he looked at Junkyu in disbelief. Junkyu sighed and finally looked him in the eye. Mashiho laid on his back and buried his face in hands.

“How?” Was all he asked. He still laid on his back, not looking at him.

“I went back to the bathroom in the photoshoot to put the concealer back on. I wiped all the concealer off. And when it was all off…..the manager walked in.” He admitted, biting the in=side of his cheek. Mashiho huffed out a deep breath and removed his face from his hands.

“It’s all my fault.” He groaned in frustration. Junkyu scooted closer to him and laid a hand on his shoulder. Though Mashiho stayed stressed.

“It’s not your fault at all.” Junkyu said with his brows furrowed.

“Yes it is. I told you to put the concealer back on.” He said while he stared at the ceiling above him in regret. 

“It’s _my_ fault. I was the one that took off the concealer in the first place.” Junkyu shook his head. it was exactly what he feared. That Mashiho would stress out about it. He started to regret even telling him.

“What did he say?” Mashiho asked with a blank expression.

“He asked me who it was.” Junkyu said  honestly .

“And what did you say?” Mashiho asked  quickly as he looked up at the ceiling.

“I said it was someone he shouldn’t worry about.” He muttered.

“Then what did _he_ say?”

“He tried to get me to tell him who….but I didn’t say anything.”

“Are they still there?” Mashiho turned to his side and faced him.

“Is what there?” Junkyu asked.

“The marks.” He muttered. 

Junkyu sat up and Mashiho stayed laying down. His eyes trailed him as he sat up.

“I don’t know.” He said as he ran his hand across his neck. “Can you check?”

Mashiho  slowly sat up and crawled to him. Junkyu tilted his head back so he could see. Mashiho got closer to him. He saw a tint of red on his skin under his Adam’s apple. The butterflies in his stomach started to intensify. He still couldn’t believe he did that. 

Junkyu glanced down at him with a confused look. Mashiho  hesitantly ran his fingers over the faded mark. Junkyu sucked in a breath and looked back up.

Mashiho looked up at him and held onto the back of his neck tighter.

“Are they still there?” Junkyu asked  quietly .

Mashiho’s eyes fluttered up to his red lips.

Instead of answering his question,

He pushed him on the bed and pressed his lips hard on his.


	57. chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i've been a lil inconsistent with the updates. i had the worst writer's block with this story. but the motivation is back so no worrie s yall 😼✌️
> 
> song recommendation - telepatia by kali uchis

Junkyu  instantly held both sides of Mashiho’s waist to prop him up on top of him. The sudden touch sent a shiver down his spine. It feel like they’ve made it so far. And they were willing to do anything to protect that. Imagining a life without each other wasn’t even imaginable anymore. Junkyu  was hypnotised by Mashiho’s lips and figure. He didn’t want it to end.

His hands crept up Junkyu’s shirt, feeling his hands against his bare skin. Junkyu gasped into the kiss and moved his lips hard against Mashiho’s. Mashiho felt Junkyu’s racing heartbeat under his palm. The butterflies were going crazy in Junkyu’s stomach with every touch. It felt surreal. Like a lucid dream.

It took him a moment to realise what he was doing. His eyes opened in surprise. Mashiho rolled back on the bed, laying next to Junkyu after giving him a hard peck on the lips. they both stared up at the ceiling, panting. 

“What was that?” Junkyu panted with his breath heaving in his chest.

He stayed silent, feeling his heartbeat in his face. He didn’t know why he did that. But he didn’t feel stupid about it. Or any regret. He  just felt shocked. He didn’t expect that from himself.

“Don’t you have cats?” Mashiho asked instead of answering his question. Junkyu turned his head to him. Mashiho side eyed him and  quickly looked back up. Junkyu looked up and clasped his hands in front of him.

“Yeah. I do. They’re in the vet right now. They’ll be back in a few hours.” He answered. His breathing calmed down but his heart was still racing. 

Mashiho turned to his side to face Junkyu. He turned to his side too to look at him. It didn’t feel awkward.  Just silent. They stayed there, staring at each other’s eyes with nothing to say. Like the all the words ran out. Mashiho was playing trivia in his head to come up with something to say. But unfortunately he, couldn’t come up with anything.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” Junkyu asked with a sigh, breaking the silence between them. It came as a relief to both of them that Junkyu said something that wasn’t awkward. It would’ve made the atmosphere way more unbearable than it already was.

Mashiho nodded his head and they both got off the bed. The rustling of the soft bedsheets felt prominent on Mashiho’s ears. There was this warm feeling to the room, so free and childish. It reminded him so much of Junkyu. Made sense since it was his room.

They walked out the door and grabbed their Jackets off the couch. Mashiho put his face mask on and slipped his black jacket on. The house was still  brightly lit by sunlight, but it was obvious the sun started to go down. The windows portrayed a more orange color than before.

“We’re going for a walk.” Junkyu called out to his dad and grabbed the keys to the front door off the kitchen counter. 

“Be safe.” His dad called back to him. Once the front door opened, a soft gush of wind entered the house. Goosebumps crept through Mashiho’s skin as he tightened his jacket around him. Junkyu glanced at him and wrapped an arm around his figure when he noticed. Mashiho leaned into his touch for warmth.

When they detached from their position, they walked on a sidewalk. The view of the sun going down was mesmerising. The sky had still some blue but now it  was decorated by a rich orange color fading into the distance.

“You were close to getting kicked out again.” Mashiho muttered  sarcastically . Junkyu stuffed his hands into his pockets and chuckled.

“You were close to getting kicked out too.” He said and turned his head to him.

“They’re not _my_ parents.” Mashiho chuckled.

Junkyu stayed silent with a smile on his face, trying to come up with something. When he couldn’t come up with anything, he let out a sigh. Mashiho let out a laugh and looked down, tracing his footsteps.

“I like your house.” He said.

“ Really ?” Junkyu turned his head to him and asked. “What do you like more? Me or the house?”

“ Seriously ?” Mashiho snorted.

“You  probably like the house better.” Junkyu looked up and shook his head  sarcastically .

“You know what? You’re right.” Mashiho said. “I _do_ like the house better.”

“Are you getting tired?” Junkyu asked.

“Of what?”

“Of walking.” He answered.

“No. not  really .” Mashiho shook his head.

“Can I carry you?” Junkyu asked  randomly . Mashiho turned his head to him with his brows furrowed in confusion as they both walked.

“Why?”

“I  just want to.” Junkyu shrugged.

“no.” Mashiho scoffed and looked back forward.

“Come on. please.” He whined. Mashiho looked at him and scoffed in disbelief.

“Why are you so eager to hold more weight on your back?” He chuckled with his brows furrowed.

“Please.” Junkyu said one more time. Mashiho rolled his eyes and dropped his shoulders in defeat.

“Fine.” He muttered. Junkyu stopped in his tracks and Mashiho stopped with him.

He crouched down and Mashiho walked closer to his back. He laid both his hands on his broad shoulders. Junkyu held onto the back of his thighs making Mashiho's eyes widen and the butterflies in his stomach fly uncontrollably. He slowly Began to get up due to Mashiho’s weight on his back.

When he got up completely, he adjusted his hand on his thighs making him jump a little then continued walking . Mashiho felt the heat on his face getting hotter and hotter. He stayed in a tense position as Junkyu continued to walk forward.

After a little while, he leaned in to the touch and wrapped his arms around his neck and buried his face in the crook of his neck .

Junkyu’s stomach clenched when he felt Mashiho’s soft breaths against his neck, making his heart hammer .

Mashiho noticed the heat crawling up Junkyu’s neck and smiled.

So he laid a tender kiss on his neck.

Just to mess with him.


	58. chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i was late guys, i had some 🥰issues🥰 with my parents.
> 
> song recommendation: tied down by jaymes young

Junkyu’s eyes widened and his heart took a big leap. Mashiho’s lips were hovering over his neck stretched into a smile. He watched Junkyu’s Adams apple bob up and down as he swallowed. He’s never seen Junkyu so flustered. It was cute.

So he kissed him again.  Just to see how he would react. It began to grow on him. He  just wanted to keep kissing him.

“Mashi?” Junkyu hissed at him. Mashiho let out a chuckle and buried his face back in Junkyu’s neck. He could tell his heart rate was going higher, he felt his pulse.

He was warm, contrasting the cool weather outside. Mashiho felt so safe and at peace. He wanted to be with him forever. His heart was beating hard against his chest, warmth spread across his body. It felt  strangely comfortable. Especially since he was with Junkyu.

“Am I heavy?” Mashiho asked him trying to look him in the eye. Junkyu adjusted Mashiho’s position on him, gripping his thighs harder as he did. A yelp escaped Mashiho’s mouth, feeling the heat crawl up his neck. Now it was Junkyu's turn to make him feel flustered. His lips stretched into a small smirk when he saw his reaction.

“Yes.” Junkyu answered. Mashiho gaped at him in disbelief, Junkyu noticed and let out a chuckle. He scoffed and buried his head back into his neck.

“Then drop me.” He  simply said with a smirk on his face. Junkyu stayed silent.  Mashiho wrapped his arms tighter around him, he might archive messing with him as one of his favourite hobbies . He loved seeing his face go red even from the slightest of touches.

when Junkyu didn't answer, He planted a lingering kiss on the side of his neck, feeling his pulse quicken.  Once Junkyu felt his lips on his neck, a warm feeling sprawled through his stomach as he tilted his neck to the side to give him more access . He realised what he was and  abruptly stopped.

Junkyu crouched down again and let go of his thighs. Mashiho watched with confusion. Junkyu stood up, stuffed his hands in his pocket, and walked forward. Mashiho jogged after him and slowed his pace when he walked along with him.

He glanced at Mashiho with a bored look and Mashiho looked back at him with a cheeky smile. Junkyu let out a chuckle and looked forward.

“Come _on._ I wanted to give you a hickey.” Mashiho muttered. Junkyu  awkwardly jogged away from him with his hands in his pocket without saying a word. Mashiho scoffed and jogged after him, watching Junkyu quicken his pace.

When he got to him, he wrapped his hand around his neck. Junkyu stopped to laugh and Mashiho snorted a laugh with him too.

They got back home and sat alone in the living room. Each of them hand a cat on their laps as they stroked their fur. Junkyu’s parents were asleep, but Junkyu recommended that they would stay in the living room. 

Mashiho was about to fall asleep, his eyelids were getting heavier and heavier. The cat on his lap  was curled up in her position,  probably asleep too.

“Where should we go tomorrow?”  Junkyu asked, he wanted to start up a conversation so he figured he would start with something exciting .

“What do you mean?” Mashiho asked  tiredly . His body was starting to give in to sleep.

“You know….for our date.” He answered.

“Where do you want to go?” Mashiho flipped the question onto him and turned his head to Junkyu.

“ Maybe a cafe, or a skating rink.” He shrugged. “There’s this place I always go to, I want to take you there.”

“Let me guess. The woods?” He snorted. Junkyu let out a tired chuckle as he rubbed his eyes. Trying to rid them of sleep.

“Not  really . It’s kinda like the woods though.” Junkyu said.

“I knew it.” Mashiho chuckled. “Are you going to kill me?”

“ Maybe .” Junkyu shrugged, considering the idea  sarcastically . “Thanks for giving me the idea.”

“It’s a  really romantic place. I used to go there a lot.” Junkyu said.

“With who?” Mashiho asked  quickly . It made him feel a little insecure that Junkyu might’ve taken someone else there. 

“With no one. I used to go there by myself.”

“Then how was it romantic?” He asked.

“Because I’m going with you.” Junkyu said with a smile as he laid a gentle hand on Mashiho’s bare knee. 

Mashiho’s eyes widened from the sudden touch. his face became more and more heated as he glanced down at his hand.  Junkyu  slowly stroked his knee with his thumb, making Mashiho’s heart hammer against his chest .

Junkyu looked up at his red face with a slight smirk.

_“You look good when you’re red.”_


	59. chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this school week has been HECTIC. i had no time to do anything. sorry for being late, i hope this chapter makes up for it.
> 
> song recommendation - worst by always never.

They stood in the kitchen covered with warm sunlight as Junkyu was struggling to find jam. Mashiho leaned back on the kitchen counter. The cold feel of the kitchen counter pressed against his fingers and palm once he touched it. He watched Junkyu rummage through every cupboard in the kitchen. He let out a chuckle and walked to him.

Junkyu turned his head to him then looked back into the cupboard as he pushed some things around.

“Have you looked in the fridge?” Mashiho asked, Junkyu looked like he was  genuinely struggling. Mashiho’s lips stretched into a small smile.

“yep.” Junkyu said with an exasperated sigh.  Mashiho walked around the kitchen, letting his eyes skim through the compliment of wood and steel . 

“ Maybe we don’t need jam.”  Mashiho suggested, he couldn’t take one more minute of watching Junkyu flipping the kitchen upside down .

“But strawberry jam sandwiches would make the picnic so much better.” Junkyu stopped and turned his head to him. Mashiho looked down and sighed.

“What if there’s no jam?” He asked. He hoped Junkyu would give up and stop looking for the jam. 

“Ugh this is so frustrating.” Junkyu groaned as he walked to the couch. Mashiho looked down and smiled in victory.

“Don’t you think we should make something else?” MAshiho asked. “Or we can  just go to the store and get some cupcakes, I’m down for that.”

“ I think we should do that.” Junkyu nodded with a convinced look on his face. Mashiho let out a relieved sigh.

They at in silence as Junkyu drove the car. Junkyu took his mom’s car and sat in the driver’s seat as Mashiho sat in the front seat. It looked as if Junkyu was driving way over the limit. But the speedometer proved him wrong. The red glowing numbers proved that he was driving a few miles less than the speed limit. 

Everything felt so fast.  Maybe he  was excited . Or  maybe he was nervous. Whatever it was, he didn’t  really put too much thought into it. Junkyu was driving with his eyes focused on the road. Mashiho, sat there with his anxiousness.  They’ve  just recently went to a convenience store and grabbed some things like cupcakes and doughnuts .

The sound of the rough car tires against the asphalt and the other cars dashing by were the only sounds they both heard . Junkyu looked anxious too. Mashiho glanced at him with a small confused smile.

“Why do you look nervous?” Mashiho asked.  Junkyu tried to loosen his tense position and look less nervous than he was but Mashiho saw right through him . It was good to know he wasn’t the only one that wasn’t nervous. 

“I’m not nervous…I  just wanna get there  quickly .” Junkyu muttered.

It was  honestly so exciting but nerve wracking at the same time. He’s  slowly discovering Junkyu more with time. But Junkyu  barely knows about Mashiho’s life back in Japan. 

Junkyu started driving away from the city and into a a street with trees rimmed and scattered on the side. A beautiful mess of green enlightened his mood. A smile  was brought up to his face as he let go a breath of relief. Junkyu side eyed him and smiled when he saw his smile. He also got a chance to let go of his anxiousness and enjoy his time with his boyfriend. 

Mashiho got comfortable in his seat and watched as the endless cycle of trees passed him by.

Junkyu pulled over beside a peak of a small mountain with a railing on the edges. A spectacular view beneath them was breathtaking. He’s never seen the city of Seoul so small.  He looked at the view with an awestruck expression as the breeze ruffled his hair making him put his eyes in a squint .

“Isn’t it beautiful?” Junkyu asked as he looked at the place with a proud smile.

Mashiho turned to him with a wide grin.

“I _love_ this place.” He mused.

Junkyu let out a chuckle and walked to the back of the car to open the trunk. He pulled out the blanket he brought for them to sit on and Mashiho came to help him take out some things they bought.

They put it on the mat and sat on it, feeling the breeze press against their skin. The rustling of the trees around them was calming. Now he understood why it was a place Junkyu used to always go to.

“You know, I still think jam sandwiches would’ve suited this picnic.” Junkyu said. Mashiho snorted a chuckle.

“I don’t  really like jam.” Mashiho turned his head to him and said. Junkyu wrapped an arm around his body and pulled Mashiho to him. His head was resting on Junkyu’s broad shoulder.

“Yeah you’re right. Thank god I couldn’t find jam.” Junkyu shook his head. Mashiho wrapped his arm around him, hugging his waist, as he let out a quiet laugh. Junkyu looked down at him and smiled as the butterflies in his stomach got stronger.

“Are you having fun with me?” Junkyu asked.

“Of course I am.” Mashiho muttered.

“ Really ?” He asked, he thought he was boring Mashiho out.

“Yeah. I like your cats. And this place is awesome.” He  simply said. Junkyu chuckled at his tone, feeling more confident about the situation. Night enveloped the place, making the city lights more beautiful. 

“Ugh, you’re awesome.” Junkyu said and  playfully ruffled his hair.

Mashiho sat up  slowly and faced Junkyu. He was a little confused when he saw Mashiho get up from their position.

“Do you love me?” Mashiho asked, looking right into his eyes. Junkyu was a little taken back and confused by the question.

“Yeah….I do.” Junkyu answered in confusion, feeling his own heart flutter in his chest at his words. Mashiho started crawling closer to him.

“No, do you  really ?” He asked again as he held Junkyu’s cheek in one hand while he stared down at him. Junkyu’s eyes fluttered down to his lips, starting to get hypnotised. 

“Yes.” Junkyu said with a pant in his voice as his hand snaked to the back of Mashiho’s head. Their lips began to get closer and closer. Mashiho wanted him.  All of him. The tension growing between them was unbearable. Junkyu  desperately wanted his lips on him. 

Once their lips were centimetres apart making their breathing shorter and their faces heated, Mashiho breathed out to him with no effort, “say it again .”

Mashiho's dominance drove him insane.

“I love you.”

Junkyu pushed him by the back of his head, pressing their lips together. Mashiho moved his lips against his  passionately . the feeling on his lips on his was an addiction to him. He didn’t want it to stop. It didn’t take long before the kiss turned heated and passionate. Mashiho’s tongue skimmed over Junkyu’s bottom lip, getting a small gasp out of him. 

Mashiho pushed Junkyu, so he would be laying down on the blanket. Junkyu groaned from the sudden movement, but that only made him want Mashiho more. Mashiho straddled him. Junkyu flipped them so Mashiho would  be laid down on the blanket.

He started kissing down his neck, making Mashiho roll his eyes back and suck in a breath. The butterflies traveled all over his body with every lingering kiss. Junkyu’s heart was beating out of control, it began to hurt. It felt like their throats were closing in on them, making breathing harder.

Mashiho shut his eyes closed and let out a groan when junkyu started sucking on a spot on his collarbone. He sat there, idle, as Junkyu took the lead and he didn’t feel himself complaining. Mashiho grabbed on the hem of Junkyu’s shirt as he Junkyu trailed kisses back up his neck and jaw.

He gripped Junkyu’s shirt tighter and moved it up. Junkyu noticed and stopped to look him in the eye. 

“Are you sure?” Junkyu asked.

Mashiho took a moment to answer. But he  surely knew what his answer was.

_“Yes.”_


	60. chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another hectic week. sorry lol. won't be late like that again.  
> my Hajeongwoo story is getting published tomorrow look forward to it. 😗🔪
> 
> song recommendation - bullshit by young rog and summer walker

“Yes.”

Junkyu pulled his shirt off. Mashiho’s face was getting more and more heated as he watched him. His mind went numb, he didn’t pay attention to any thoughts passing through. All he thought about was the boy right in front of him. Junkyu.

When his shirt was  fully off, he held both of Mashiho’s wrists down on the blanket. His hand felt strong around his wrists. Junkyu’s head  was buried in Mashiho’s neck, sucking all over the side his neck. His body shivered at the passionate touch.

Mashiho’s breathing narrowed down to short breaths at their  close proximity . No matter how close Mashiho was, Junkyu wanted him more. Their hearts were beating hard against their chests, they felt it in their ears. His bare skin touching Mashiho’s felt more than intimate. The feeling of skin on skin made their imagination run wild.

The strength of Junkyu’s hands gripping his wrists made him want Junkyu more. It felt so surprising. He hoped Junkyu wanted him as much as he wanted him. But from what he was feeling, Junkyu wanted him a lot. His eyes rolled back and his mouth hung open when Junkyu’s lips moved down his body. His hand left his wrist to  singlehandedly unbutton Mashiho’s shirt. 

Mashiho held both sides of Junkyu’s face under the dim lighting to look him in the eye, making him stop to look at him. Junkyu licked his bottom lip as he looked at him. Mashiho felt the insecurity arise when he let his thoughts take over. He worried Junkyu didn’t  really want to.

“Are you sure? Do you want to?” He panted. Junkyu looked down and brought  himself closer to him.

“Of course I do.” He whispered.

“ Really ?” Mashiho asked. Junkyu reconnected their lips in a lingering kiss. Mashiho’s mind went numb again, the feeling of his warm lips was too pleasing. 

“I want you…” he panted  in between kisses. Mashiho groaned into the kiss and wrapped his arms around his bare skin. Junkyu’s hands trailed down his body with a mind of their own. With every touch, Mashiho felt his sense of control slip away from him.

He wanted to lose  all of his control and do whatever his mind pleased without judgement. He wanted Junkyu. It was his first time and he wanted to make the most of it. Especially with Junkyu. Though he felt insecure,  all of that didn’t matter once he  was cradled in his touch. 

Junkyu’s hands traveled to the waistband of Mashiho’s Jeans. He bit on his lower lip to block any sound that might come out. His heart leaped forward as the butterflies in his stomach got stronger. His fingers  slowly slipped in, mashiho let out a soft moan at the sudden touch. He wanted more.

Suddenly , Junkyu’s hands stopped when he heard his phone ring.  They  quickly detached at the sudden sound and Junkyu looked at Mashiho as if he was asking for permission to answer the phone . Mashiho nodded.

The word “mom” shone on the phone making Junkyu sigh. He answered the phone and put it up to his ear.

“Hello?” He answered.

“Junkyu where are you?” She asked. He glanced at Mashiho and looked away to answer  properly .

“um…me and Mashiho are  just hanging out.” He answered. Mashiho’s eyes widened and he felt a blush creep to his face.

“Come home. It’s night already.” She said.

“Yep. Okay.” He answered before hanging up the phone.

“Who was that?” Mashiho asked.  Junkyu laid down beside Mashiho, both shirtless and feeling the breeze against their bare skin . Gazing up at the start night above.

“My mom.” He answered as he looked up.

They were both so caught up in the moment, they forgot all about the time. Time flew by so fast. No one would  be blamed if they lost all sense of time. the insecurity came back to bite at them. 

Every sort of thought ran through Junkyu’s mind nonstop. One after the other. He thought about everything more  clearly . How good it would’ve felt. If Mashiho didn’t like it. If he did. If his mom hadn’t called, what would they be doing now? His stomach churned with every thought.

“Hey..” Mashiho called, catching Junkyu’s attention. Junkyu turned his head to him, watching look up at the sky.

“yeah.” Junkyu answered.

“Were we  really about to….” He asked. The moment felt like a haze. He didn’t know what to think. Like he was in denial. His heart was still racing. Junkyu turned his head back to the black sky.

“Yeah..” He said  breathlessly .

“Do you….regret it?” Mashiho. He wanted to make sure he didn’t make a fool of himself. Junkyu felt surprised at the question, but then again, it was the same thing he was thinking as well. 

“no.” he answered  truthfully . He turned his head to him. “Do you?”

Mashiho turned his head to him. Their eyes met. “No.”

Junkyu’s hand  slowly crept to Mashiho’s thigh. He watched him as he let out shaky breath when he felt his hand on his thigh. Though he couldn’t see his face under the dim atmosphere, he could tell it was going red. He wished he could see it. He loved to see Mashiho go red at the simplest of touches

His hand  lightly gripped his thigh. They kept eye contact, hypnotised by the other’s eyes.

“Should we go?” Mashiho whispered, breaking the comfortable silence.

Junkyu’s hand  slowly moved up and down his thigh, making him suck in a breath.

“Yeah…after a little.” He answered.

He glanced at the marks decorating Mashiho’s neck and licked his bottom lip.

“Did I make you feel good?” Junkyu asked  breathlessly , feeling his heart flutter at his own words. 

Mashiho felt heat crawl up his neck. His heart beat  painfully loud.

“Yeah..”


	61. chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yall i finally publish my hajeongwoo story! i'm so glad i published it i put in so much hard work in into outlining it. so check it out! 👹🔪
> 
> song recommendation - que te pedí by kali uchis

Junkyu and Mashiho began to gather the things from the picnic after they wore their shirts. The memory was still engraved in their mind. The moment played over and over again in their heads. Whenever they would thing about it again, their face would heat up.

They got into the car, Mashiho rested his head on the car window, staring at the  barely visible trees passing by. The warmth of the car started to spread. His eyelids began to get heavy.

His brain still couldn’t comprehend the moment they shared  just a few minutes ago. He didn’t want to try to figure it out too much. He  just wanted whatever to happen to  just happen without any thought. As long as he had Junkyu.

The rocky road made his head bump  lightly on the car window from time to time. But he didn’t have a problem with it. It calmed him. Helped him sleep. His mind started to drift off. He had to force his eyes open.

Junkyu  briefly turned his head to him and looked back at the road. He saw him drift in and out of sleep. 

“Are you sleepy?” He asked, making Mashiho snap out of sleep. He didn’t mean to do that. He wanted him to rest.

“Nope.” Mashiho answered and adjusted his position.

“Are _you_ sleepy?” Mashiho flipped the question onto him. 

“No, I can’t sleep. I’m driving.” He answered with a chuckle. Mashiho looked at the window, with the look of tiredness clear on his face. Junkyu regretted speaking. If he hadn’t, Mashiho would’ve been resting.

“Oh..” He said.

“It’s so dark.” Mashiho stated with a look of slight surprise on his face. “How long have we been there?”

“I have no idea.” Junkyu shook his head. “ I think for a few hours.”

Mashiho’s eyes widened. He felt embarrassed.

“Shit, it felt like 30 minutes.” He muttered.

“Because of me right?” Junkyu said with a mischievous smirk on his face. Mashiho let out a scoff as his lips stretched into a small smile. 

“You’re so cheesy.” Mashiho chuckled, shaking his head.

“But yeah….you’re right.” He added  truthfully with a foolish smile surfacing his face. Their relationship felt like the perfect relationships in movies but better. He couldn’t believe him of all people got to be in a relationship like that.

“I know I am.” Junkyu sighed, staring at the dark road lit up by the streetlights.

“Don’t get too proud of yourself.” Mashiho mumbled and rubbed his tired eyes.

“I love you.” Junkyu said  all of a sudden.

“….love you too.” Mashiho returned the gesture with a small smile.

His eyelids couldn’t stay held up anymore. He drifted in and out of sleep again, losing consciousness of his surroundings.  When he finally let his eyes close, his body went into a state of calmness and he couldn’t feel the bumping of the car anymore .

Junkyu drove through the city lit night in a comfortable silence, with only one thing in his mind. Mashiho. He didn’t know how he even got the chance to be his boyfriend. He didn’t know if he deserved him. it felt too good to be true.

As he was thinking about Mashiho, he noticed his silence. They haven’t spoken for a long time.

“Mashiho?” He called as he kept his eyes on the road. He waited for a few seconds but still didn’t get an answer. When he waited for a few more seconds and didn’t get an answer again, he turned his head to him. 

Mashiho was asleep. A smile made its way to his face. His hand reached forward to caress his hair.

“Good night.” He whispered. 

The city started to come into view. Lights lit up his way making it clearer. His eyes glanced down at the Digital clock on the car. The glowing red numbers surprised him. He didn’t expect to stay there for that long.

It never crossed his mind, he still felt like they didn’t stay long enough. But the clock proved him wrong. He must’ve worried his mother. His surroundings got more recognisable the more he drove. He was getting closer to his house.

He  slowly pulled over in front of the garage until he stopped the car. He turned the car off and opened the door, being careful not to wake Mashiho up when he closed the door. The keys jingled as he stuffed them in his pocket. Junkyu  carefully opened Mashiho’s door and put a hand under his head.

“Mashi.” He whispered to him. Mashiho hummed back to him as a response and tried to turn to the other side. “Hold onto me.”

Mashiho wrapped his neck and Junkyu grabbed onto the back of his thighs and stood up with Mashiho on his back. He felt Mashiho’s soft breaths against his neck sending his body into goosebumps. Junkyu rung the doorbell and waited for someone to answer.

After a few seconds, his mom opened the door and looked at them with a relieved smile. He smiled back at her and walked into the house.

“Where were you? You took such a long time.” She asked.

“I was in um… _we_ were in a café.” He answered already feeling his face heat up.

“Be careful, don’t stay outside at night for too long.” She warned.

“yep. Sorry.” He said and tried to walk to his room with Mashiho on his back.

“Here, take Mashiho to the guest room I prepared it for him.” She said. Junkyu stopped in his tracks and turned his head to her.

“No need.” He said and adjusted Mashiho’s position on his back. “He’s staying with me.”

He walked into his room and pushed the door behind him so it would be almost closed.  Slowly , he laid Mashiho down on the bed. Once he  was laid down on the bed, Junkyu took off his shoes and covered him with his blanket.

Before Junkyu laid down beside him on the bed, he pushed his hair away from his forehead and leaned down to kiss his forehead . He planted a long kiss on his forehead and smiled.

“Good night.” He whispered and caressed his cheek.

He laid down beside him and held onto his waist as he covered both of them with the blanket.

He glance down at him and kissed his head.

He wanted to make most of their time before they went back to the dorms.


	62. chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i was this late. i was super busy with school, i made a better schedule for writing and i'll be updating regularly.  
> and i'm probably gonna write another Mashikyu fanfic after i finish this one cuz i just realised how messy this one is ajjdhjkdhkjd
> 
> song recommendation - won't by tanerelle

Mashiho snuggled closer to the source of heat next to him, latching onto it for comfort. Junkyu was half awake beside him. Not wanting to detach from him even for a second. His frame wrapped around his was another type of comfort he found himself yearning for most of the time

He heard his soft breaths. He looked down to see his long lashes on display. Soon later of spending time to appreciate him, he closed his eyes again. Now, he felt more sleepy. His consciousness didn’t take long to dip back into sleep.

Mashiho wrapped Junkyu's arms tighter around his waist. He cursed the day he had to go back to the dorms. It felt too good to be in junkyu house. In his embrace. Warm hugs. They didn’t have to be afraid. It felt too good to be true. Like a dream soon to end.

The click of Junkyu’s door opening made him tense up. The footsteps roamed around the room. Walking around from corner to corner. Then they came closer to Junkyu’s bed. Mashiho couldn’t help the curiosity that struck his mind. Then he realised how close they were.

“Come on.” Junkyu’s mom tapped on her son’s shoulder, making his brows furrow. “Wake up.”

She noticed how close junkyu and Mashiho were. The image still couldn’t  be erased from her mind. What she saw the other night. How protective Junkyu was being over Mashiho. When he kissed his forehead. Did he intend that to  be hidden ? But then again, they could be  just friends right?

“mhm.” Junkyu answered  mindlessly and moved his shoulders away from her. Mashiho pretended to be asleep in hopes of avoiding her weird looks at them.

“God…” she sighed and rested her hands on her hips.  When she saw the how hopeless it was to try and wake him up  nicely , she snatched the blanket off of Junkyu but keeping it on Mashiho . Junkyu brought his knees closer to his chest.

“Junkyu.” She said  sternly . “Wake up.”

“I’m up..” He muttered with a scowl on his face and laid on his back, eyes still shut.

“You’re bothering Mashiho.” she hissed at him. Mashiho’s ears perked up a her statement. He tried to hide the look of amusement on his face. “You should have taken him to the guest room."

“mhm.” Junkyu sat up  lazily rubbing his eyes to rid them of sleep.

“Wake Mashiho up with you.” she picked up random clothes off the floor and started to fold them. Junkyu glanced up at her and let out an exasperated sigh. 

“okay.” He mumbled.

“I’m almost done making breakfast, get ready and come to the dining room.” She said and walked closer to the door.

“Okay mom.” No matter what he said, she still had more to say.

“And treat your guests with respect.” She hissed before shutting the door closed after her.

“Alright alright.” Junkyu mutter and dropped himself back on the bed. His arms snaked around Mashiho’s waist, pushing him closer to him. Mashiho leaned in to the embrace and opened his eyes. Junkyu rested his head on his back.

“Damn..” Mashiho mumbled. 

“You’re awake?” Junkyu asked and propped himself up on his elbows to see his face. Mashiho turned around to him and rubbed his eyes.

“Of course.” he said with a smile. god. His smile still made junkyu’s heart go crazy. “I couldn’t miss the chance to hear your mom yell at you.”

“Shut up.”  Junkyu sighed and covered his face In embarrassment when he realised Mashiho heard them . Mashiho  lightly chuckled at the look of embarrassment on his face. He found it cute.

“Do you want to go now?” Junkyu asked.

“After a little.” Mashiho answered and cuddled closer to Junkyu’s embrace.

“Do you like my cuddles that much?” He asked with his cheek pressed against his back as he cradled him in his arms.

“Please stop being cheesy.” Mashiho chuckled in a low voice. He didn’t want to admit that it was true. And it was the reason he didn’t want to get out of bed.

“No.” Junkyu whispered and brought him closer.

“Ugh..” Mashiho sighed. “When do we go back to the dorms?”

“ I think tomorrow.” Junkyu answered with his mood going down as well.

“I don’t want to go back.” Mashiho admitted with a straight face, staring at the wall facing his side with Junkyu behind him.

“So let’s make the most of today.” He said after a short silence.

“I love your hugs. You’re warm.” He said, hoping Junkyu would take the initiative himself. They wouldn’t have that much freedom if they were to go back to the dorms. Like Junkyu said, he wanted to make the most out of that day too. 

“Are you cold? I’ll make you feel warm.” He asked and pulled his waist closer. Mashiho smiled when Junkyu said that. His eyes closed, he started to feel sleepy again.

“yeah.” He answered with a smile. 

Junkyu wrapped his arms tighter around his waist, making him suck in a breath. The warmth of both their bodies pressed together made their hearts beat out of their chests. Mashiho  probably felt Junkyu’s hammering heartbeat on him and Junkyu didn’t mind at all. He heard Mashiho’s heartbeat.  Smiling agains his back when he felt his heartbeat, he couldn’t feel insecure about his own when Mashiho was allowing himself to be vulnerable with him . That felt like an honour.

“Are you warmer now?” He asked in a low whisper. Butterflies erupted in Mashiho’s stomach when he  was reminded who was holding him. His touch was always present. But sometimes, he found it hard to believe it was Junkyu. It felt weird since Mashiho didn’t think of himself as anything too special.

He chuckled when he reminded himself that he was worthy of someone as good as Junkyu. Little did he know, Junkyu felt the same. If only they told each other about those feelings.

“Hm. I could be warmer.” He muttered with his eyes closed, drifting closer to sleep.  Junkyu chuckled and moved one arm up to his chest, placing his palm over where the beating of his heart was the loudest . Mashiho sucked in a ragged breath when he felt his hand. 

A strong feeling of warmth started to spread from his chest to all over his body. It made him get more sleepy and comfortable. 

“How about now?” He asked.

“good.” Mashiho mumbled  mindlessly .

“I want to stay like this.” Junkyu said. Mashiho noticed his glum tone, he felt the same.

“So let’s stay like this.” He said.

“I wish I can.” He muttered again. 

“you could.” Mashiho suggested with his brow  slightly raised. All types of thoughts rushed through his mind. And some of them caught him by surprise. 

“When do we have to go for breakfast?” He asked to avoid the thoughts.

“Whenever you want.” Junkyu answered. He didn’t  really want to go.

“I want to stay with you.” Mashiho said with his brows  slightly furrowed. The warmth remained present but his heart began to sink. 

Junkyu noticed his mood. Mashiho’s body lost all tension and his heart beat slower. Junkyu hugged him tighter, speeding his heart up again. The heat on his face began to get so normal for him yet Junkyu was the only person to ever make him feel that way.

“I want to stay with you too.” Junkyu whispered.

Mashiho drifted in and out of sleep.

Junkyu felt his chest rise and fall with every soft breath.

He felt his steady heartbeat.

They’ve never been this calm before.

“Junkyu-“ the door  suddenly opened to Junkyu’s mom holding an angry expression on her face.  When she saw them, that expression was instead replaced by surprise and her shoulders fell .

Mashiho tensed in his position and Junkyu  abruptly turned his head to her.

“oh.” She said, quieted by shock.

“Mom…”


	63. chapter 63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM FAILING SIENCE HELPPP
> 
> song recommendation: i can't handle change by roar

“mom….” 

She stayed frozen in her place. shocked. Junkyu wanted that look of shock to disappear with every passing second. But it never did. Mashiho closed his eyes, still pretending to be asleep. Junkyu noticed how tense he got when his mom walked in. Before he  was relaxed .

She  slowly straightened down her shirt trying to make some sort of movement to appear normal. Now her assumptions were becoming more likely to be true. They’ve always been touchy with each other but she assumed they were  just friends. And the look of surprise on Junkyu’s face confirmed her assumptions right. If they were  just friends, he wouldn’t be so shocked when she walked in.

Not knowing how to feel about what she saw, she didn’t know what to say to Junkyu. Her son. She didn’t want to ask him about what she saw, she felt too afraid of the answer. It was too confusing to stay in the room, so she turned her back to the door.  Abruptly leaving.

Junkyu noticed her expression when she walked out the door. His stomach tied itself into knots and his heart was beating out of his chest. He left Mashiho’s embrace and got up to leave after his mom.

“Wait!” He called after her. Mashiho finally opened his eyes when they both left turning on his back. He st/ared at the ceiling with stern expression. What had he  just done It was all his fault.

“Oh my god.” He said to himself and buried his face in his hands.

He could’ve outed Junkyu by accident. He felt a lump stuck in his throat. left a bitter taste from his tongue from the guilt  slowly eating him up inside.

“What did I do?” He questioned himself. All the possibilities ran through his mind. Would his parents approve or will his mother pretend to forgot everything she saw? Both his hands ran through his hair. A pang hit his heart when he heard Junkyu speak with his mom in the distance.

“Mom wait.”  He said when he got to her, she was in the kitchen making her self look busy and  evidently avoiding eye contact with Junkyu . He let out a sigh, sounding more nervous than he thought.

“What do you need?” She asked  hastily . He  was taken back by her tone. So it was actually what he  really feared. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t know what to ask her. 

“Why…why did you leave like that?” He finally asked. The question was stupid but what else would he ask?

“I….it’s nothing.” She answered,  briefly side eyeing him. Junkyu sighed and rested his arms on the counter. His mouth went dry.

“Mom  seriously , are you mad at me or something?” He asked, his mom went over that question in her head. Was she mad at him? At the moment, she didn’t know what to feel.  Just shock. Anger was too strong of an emotion. She didn’t know if she was angry.

“Junkyu please go.” She told him with her brows furrowed. His nerves weren’t getting calmed by anything she said. She sounded angry. He took a deep breath to try and relieve his sinking heart.

“Please… just tell me.” He begged.

“Go. Give me some time to think.” She ordered. Her tone was demanding, Junkyu knew she noticed something.

“Think about what?” He asked. She put the knife in her hand down  harshly , finally looking him in the eye. He didn’t know it would be that stressful to look her in the eye. He felt like he was shrinking under her glare. 

“Everything okay.” She admitted. “I’m confused.”

“mom.” He whispered. She started to put the pieces together and it was  entirely his fault. He was the one to blame. He went over his mistakes in his head and cursed his stupidity.

“From the moment you two walked in through the door you’ve been a little too close.” She said, looking  strictly into his eyes. She noticed him take a shaky breath in. He flexed his hands that  were put on the counter. His heart beat painful fast.

“It’s not like that…” he tried to say  convincingly . But by the stern look on her face, she wasn’t buying it. She narrowed her eyes at him.

“Oh  really ? All the cuddles, hugs, piggyback rides, late at night trips and forehead kisses. Was all that nothing too?”

“ Really mom it’s not like that.” He said with a voice getting more stern. His fear was facing him right now and all he wanted to do  was run away.

“Please don’t tell me that.” She whispered, tilting her head to the side. What more was he supposed to do. She wasn’t believing him at all. He was starting to lose all the hope he had.

“Me and Mashiho aren’t a couple.” All his efforts were going to waste. She wasn’t believing anything he was saying. She scoffed and looked to the side. He payed close attention to her expression, in hopes of her finally believing him.

“I’m not stupid Junkyu.” She said instead. “i’ve been in relationships before I know how they look like.” Were they that obvious?

“How am I meant to prove it to you?” He gave up, he didn’t know what else to say to her.

“You don’t need to because I already know.” She crossed her arms and told him. 

“Me and Mashiho aren’t a couple and we’ll never be…we’re  _ just _ friends.” A pang hit his heart when these words came out of his mouth. He hoped Mashiho didn’t hear their conversation.

“All you can do for me now is say the truth.” She finally said.

“I _am_ telling the truth.” He told her trying to sound more convincing. The possibilities were scaring him he couldn’t come out to his mom. Especially not now.

“Don’t lie to me.” She shook her head.

“Well then what am I supposed to say.”  He sighed and fiddled with his necklaces, twisting the little heart between his fingers .

“ Just tell me the truth.” She said again.

“We’re…” he said, not knowing what to say after. Should he say the truth? Or should he continue to try and convince her of a lie?

“You guys are what?” She asked keeping the stern look on her face.

“We’re not a couple.” He shook his head with his eyes closed.

“Is that a necklace?” She asked. His fingers stopped fiddling with his necklace, he felt his heart stop in his chest. “You think I haven’t noticed that you two where the same heart necklace?”

_“Please…”_ he whispered and looked down, his mind shaken with fear. He couldn’t look her in the eye.

“Please what?” She asked.

“Promise me one thing…please.” His heart sunk to his stomach. He hoped he would never have to say anything like that.

“What is it?” She asked again, adding onto his nerves.

“Promise you won’t hate me….or Mashiho…please.” He felt somber that he was asking his mom not to hate him now. What has everything come to? Her eyes  slightly widened and she sucked in a breath. She knew they were a couple already. But she wasn’t ready to hear it from Junkyu.

“He’s my boyfriend.” He admitted.

Her body tensed up with his words.

_“And I love him…”_

**Author's Note:**

> tell me what yall think. and as alway, put yall seatbelts on :)


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